Congress in 1947—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

After 25 years…
Congress in 1972—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

After another 25 years…
Congress in 1997—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

2015 …
Amit Shah—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Fraud! Jumla! Where are the accha din???!!!???

If Pappu becomes PM in 2019…
Congress in 2020—We will make India No. 1 in 25 years!
Media-Civil Society—Wah wah! Bahut khoob! Beautiful! Maja aa gaya!

© Sunil Rajguru

After Independence…
Indian father—Son, believe 100% of the things you read in the newspapers.

After TV news proliferated…
Indian father—Son, believe only 50% of the things you read in the newspapers.

After the advent of the Internet…
Indian father—Son, believe only 10% of the things you read in the newspapers.

After Twitter and other social media…
Indian father—Son, you can believe absolutely nothing that you read in the newspapers or watch on TV news channels.

Tomorrow…
Indian father—Son, can you believe that once upon a time there were newspapers, magazines and TV channels where you couldn’t choose what to read/watch and they forced their sinister agendas down your gullible throat?

The flip side…
Many people have already started believing 100% of their Twitter/WhatsApp/Facebook feeds!

© Sunil Rajguru

1. When an unwanted guest comes, put News Hour at full blast. With Arnab’s booming voice the guest will go running for cover and never return.

2. If you are disturbed by a neighbour’s loud music at a party, then put Arnab at high volume. He will come running to beg you to put the volume down and you can get him to do the same.

3. Make a recording of Arnab’s rants as your morning alarm. That will get you wide awake and you won’t be able to go back to sleep for the entire day.

4. Same thing with a burglar alarm. The thief will go running scared and never think of returning once he hears it.

5. Investigating agencies can use it as a form of torture to get confessions. Imagine being tied in a room with back to back News Hours at full blast playing throughout the day.

6. Use Arnab’s recordings to permanently chase away howling stray dogs that disturb your sleep at night.

© Sunil Rajguru

Indian TV news Channel 1: We relayed news 2.34 seconds after it broke.
Channel 2: That’s nothing. We did it in 1.04 seconds.
Channel 3: LOL! We did it in 0.52 seconds.
Viewer: What about checking it first and giving a good analysis?
Channels 1-2-3: Woh kya hota hai?

Problems…
Raje must resign.
Sushma must resign.
Shivraj must resign.
X must resign.
Y must resign.
Z must resign.
Solution…
Arnab must resign!
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

Superman—Man of Steel.
SuperPrimeTimeArnab—Throat of Steel.
‪#‎ArnabGate‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Criticize Modi—Humanist.
Criticize BJP—Neutral.
Criticize Congress—Hater.
Criticize Congress supporter—Venomous.
Criticize media—Troll.
Criticize Sonia—Criminal.

Citizen—When will we get justice in ‪#‎VyapamScam‬?
Justice—Kripaya intezaar keejiye. Aap kartaar main hai.

I hereby declare myself an independent, mobile republic.
Said by Arundhati Roy.
Implemented by Kejri.

There are so many chargesheeted politicians. We will be better.
—Kejri.
I didn’t know “better” meant he’ll give us more chargesheeted politicians!
—Voter.
Karnataka Unity.
Government. Opposition. Lokayukta.
Hum Sab Scam Main Saath Saath Hain.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru