The Modi factor…

· Hung Parliament se dar nahi lagta sahab, par Modi se lagtaa hai…

· It is quite fashionable in India to brush Congress communal violence and Communist ideological violence under the carpet.

· They say: BJP has 2002 and Congress has 1984.
The truth: Congress has 1969, 1980, 1983, 1984, 1989, 1992…
Just check the history books.

· The Bihar BJP-JD(U) marriage is like a husband and wife getting perfectly along but divorcing due to father-in-law problems.

· Bihar BJP’s new war cry…
Modi for CM! Modi for PM!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Gotta Serve the Dynasty…

Once you join the Congress party in India, you have absolutely no choice but to serve the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty and not the party.

Please read to the tune of Gotta Serve Somebody by Bob Dylan

You may be a PhD from England or France,
You may like to gamble, you might like to dance,
You may be the political heavyweight champion of your world,
You may be a socialite with a long string of pearls.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

Might be great orator thundering on the stage,
Might have money and followers at your command, opponents in a cage,
You may be a business man or some high degree thief,
They may call you doctor or they may call you chief.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

You may be a state Chief Minister; you might be a young political Turk,
You may be the head of some big TV network,
You may be rich or poor, you may even have the same surname,
You may be living in another country under another name.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

You may be a VVIP with your own aerodrome,
You may be living in a mansion or you might live in a dome,
You might own guns and you might even own databanks,
You might be somebody’s landlord you might even own banks.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

You may be a stalwart with a great deal of pride,
You may be a shady politician taking bribes on the side,
You may be a ferocious lion in your own lair,
You may be somebody’s mistress, may be somebody’s heir.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

Might like to wear khadi, might like to wear silk,
Might like to drink whiskey, might like to drink milk,
You might like to eat imported, you might like to eat simple bread,
You may be sleeping on the floor, sleeping in a king-sized bed.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

You may call me Chidu, you may call me Mani,
You may call me MMS, you may call me Antony,
You may call me Kapil, you may call me Ramesh,
You may call me anything but no matter what you say.

But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty, yes indeed,
You’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty,
It may be the Queen or it may be the Yuvraj,
But you’re gonna have to serve the Dynasty.

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Gotta Serve Somebody.
Singer: Bob Dylan.
Year: 1979)

Every day is a sonday 9…

Precious spit…
One day he was speaking very excitedly and some of his spit fell on my hands.
When I said it was bad manners he pointed angrily at my hand and said, “The DNA of that spit is 50% yourself and 50% the woman you love, so why are you complaining?”

The loooong weekend…
“What will you do if you could time travel?”
(Thinks)
“Hmm, I’d wear a shiny silvery suit, go back thousands of years and descend from a helicopter and declare: I am God. I created the world in one day and rested for six days.”
“What good would that do?”
“Why then, maybe the working week would last one day and we’d have a 6-day weekend!”

Civics classes…
He loves using big words and phrases. “Techincally” and “practically” are his favourites.
Sometimes if we tell him to do something he doesn’t like, he quips: I think that’s against my fundamental rights.
His classic was once when he was told to a lot of work and he said: I would call that “child labour” and since I’m below 14, it’s against the Constitution.
Now I never thought of those things when I studied Civics in school!

© Sunil Rajguru

Advani versus Modi…

· To his fans Modi is an idea whose time has come.
To his detractors he is a 4-letter word.
To his detractors, Advani was around when someone said, “In the beginning was the word”.
To his fans… errr… does he have any left?

· Advani is History.
Modi’s 2014 impact is a Mystery.

· In cricket analogy, Narendra Modi is the captain and LK Advani is now the 12th man who thinks he’s the non-playing captain.

· If everyone does an Advani, then Narayan Murthy will be Infosys chief till 2035, Sonia will complete 40 years as Congress President and Sachin will play 300 Tests.

· At times I think that Robert Vadra has a greater chance of being Prime Minister than Narendra Modi.

· Advani spin #23…
I am just a 25-year-old sathiya gaya hua aadmi!

· There will be 3 major waves in 2014: Anti-Congress, Pro-Modi and Anti-Modi.
The sum of these 3 waves will decide the next government.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How the Indian voter has been voting for the last 20-odd years…

1991: Agar Rajiv zinda hota, to main katai use vote nahin karta, par ab bechara chala gaya hai to main usko mera vote doonga.

1996: Liberalization, woh kya hota hai? Main theek se samjha nahin.

1998: Yaar, main abhi tak poori tarah se confused hu. Ye liberalization kya hai?

1999: 13 days, 13 months… thak gaya hu vote kar kar ke. Le paanch saal.

2004: BJP, tujhe chance diya na! Ab kripiya thodi der ke liye shanti se baith jaaiye.

2009: Liberalization! Ha, ab main theek se samjha. Le mera vote.

2014: Modi ya Rahul? Abbe mujhe kya ghonchu samjah rakha hai kya? Le… main “none of the above” click karta hu.

© Sunil Rajguru

Advani PM musings…

· India has had two octogenarian PMs.
Advani wants to be the hat-trick PM.
At this rate the BJP will surely get a hat-trick of defeats in 2014.

· LK Advani ke PM ke sapne ko hatana mushkil hi nahin namumkin hai.

· BJP launches Mission272 for 2014.
Advani launches Mission 2019.

· Dear Advani,
You retired and are being flooded with sympathy.
Had you retired in 2008, you could have become PM via a sympathy wave in 2009!
Now things have been greatly Modified.

· Remember…
Q: What is the Expiry Date of an Indian politician?
A: Only when he expires.
(Chhodenge na hum tera saath o saathi marte dum tak)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru