Monthly Archives: August 2013

Indo-Pak musings…

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Maybe the people spotted near the border were wearing Pakistani uniforms Made in China.

Next solution?
“Some unknown people wearing Chinese uniforms are being spotted regularly near the Indo-China border.”

Pakistan PM: Sorry sir, but I am not in control of my country.
Indian PM: Don’t worry. Neither am I.
‪#‎TheekHai‬

Aman Ki Asha is losing to Jung Ki Khwaaish.
(Maybe it’s always been like that since 1947)

Johnnie Walker…
Keep Walking.
The entire sum of the Indo-Pak peace process…
Keep Talking.
(While the results always go for a long walk)

Q: Since the public opinion is against talks with Pakistan, don’t you…
Congress: Public opinion? Woh kya hota hai?

Pakistan’s actions are unacceptable!
(Arre babu! Accept karke unacceptable bolne se kya fayada hai bhala?)

Sometime back on the phone…
Manmohan Singh: What should we discuss in the US?
Nawaz Sharif: Don’t worry! I will give you something to talk about.

On August 13, 1947, they were 40 million Indians.
On August 14, 1947, they suddenly became 40 million Pakistanis who virulently hated Indians.
Do you really expect sanity and peace to come out of this absurdity?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Political musings of the day…

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Politicians: Servants of the People.
Government officials: Servants of the servants of the People.
Aam Aadmi: Servants of the servants of the servants of the People.
Note: Who are these mysterious “People” that the Constitution keeps talking about?

Dear Congress,
In the 1970s, the Opposition took to strikes, extreme violence and even bombs.
Aren’t peaceful protests and Internet Humour much better than that?

Congress slogans…
1970s: Gareebi Hatao.
Post-Food Bill: Gareebi Hat Gayi.
Now all the focus can be on: Modi Hatao.

Q: Why’re you issuing Clean Chits to everyone including even Pakistan?
A: Hehe. Sorry. We’ve used up all our Guilty Chits on Modi and have none left!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The wish that came true…

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Sometime in the past…
Young Indian citizen: Oh God! I’m tired of these illiterate, uneducated, crooked politicians who have no understanding of the economy ruling the country. Give an educated and understanding outsider for a change!

God: Tathastu!
Let me prepare someone… Rank holder… Oxford… Cambridge… PhD… United Nations… Planning Commission… RBI… economic whiz… honest… clean… sincere… There that should do it!

Sometime now…
Old Indian Citizen: Hey bhagwaan! Ye kis gadhe ko bhej diya hum pe raaj karne!

<Divine facepalm>

Moral: Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it!

© Sunil Rajguru

The 12 Fundamental Rights of Indian politicians…

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1. Right to disrupt Parliament.

2. Right to bunk Parliament.

3. Right to be in Parliament despite being chargsheeted.

4. Right to rule even from jail.

5. Right to conflict of interests.

6. Right to nepotism.

7. Right to scams.

8. Right to arrogance.

9. Right to speaking total bakwaas 24X7.

10. Right to rule bureaucracy like royalty.

11. Right to totally forget the electorate between elections.

12. Right to Information.*
(*Right to “get” any information and not to “give” it)

© Sunil Rajguru

Aman ki Asha musings…

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Defence Minister: Some people dressed in Pakistani army soldiers’ uniform did it.
Citizen: Someone in the Prime Minister’s dress is ruling the country.

Foreign policies…
Theodore Roosevelt: Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Manmohan Singh: Throw away the stick and shut the hell up.

Jitna zor ye sab log Modi ko attack karne pe laga rahe hai, uska aadha energy bhi China-Pak ko counter karane main lagaate to hamari Foreign Policy effective hoti.

Forget Food Security.
What are you doing for Jawan-Kisan Security?

Q: Since the public opinion is against talks with Pakistan, don’t you…
Congress: Public opinion? Woh kya hota hai?

Pakistan’s actions are unacceptable!
(Arre babu! Accept karke unacceptable bolne se kya fayada hai bhala?)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress does it in its own way…

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Statement: We believe in women empowerment.
Proof: Sonia is the most powerful person in India. She’s a woman.

Statement: We believe in reducing poverty.
Proof: We were out of power from 1996-2004 and a lot of Congressmen had become poor. But that has been rectified during our 2004-2013 reign.

Statement: We believe in freedom of speech.
Proof: The Congressmen say absolutely anything they want to no matter how offensive while Congress abusers on social networking never have Section 66A slapped against them.

Statement: We believe in cordial foreign relations.
Proof: The Pakistanis and Chinese are beating the crap out of us but we still believe in being friendly with them.

Statement: We have taken a tough stand against terrorism.
Proof: The country’s biggest threat Indian Mujahideen doesn’t even exist!

Statement: We will destroy our enemies.
Proof: If you mean Congress’ enemies and not India’s then a definite yes.

© Sunil Rajguru