Category Archives: Short Takes

The absolutely never-ending #Demonetisation musings…

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Chhota bhai: Aaj mere paas credit card hai, debit card hai, netbanking hai, PayTM hai, Rupay hai… tere paas kya hai?
Bada bhai: Mere paas hard cash hai!

Out of service.
Out of order.
Expecting cash.
2000s only.
Emptying fast.
#ATMStatuses

Cash Na Milega Dobara.
Prem Ratan Dhan Na Payo.
Ae Bill Hai Mushkil.
Ek Tha Black Money Tiger.
Airlift (of new currency notes by IAF).

Do you have a Ration Card?
Yes, it is called an ATM Card.
Money is rationed and usually out of stock.

ATM = Any Time Money (may suddenly come and you have to be ready in wait for it)

ATM now stands for…
ATM Temporarily Moneyless.

New Year Resolutions…
RBI: I will make sure there is enough cash in the markets.
Banks: I will make sure ATMs remain open with cash 24X7.

(note)band(i) baj gaya inka. Opposition will continue protesting.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Loser Hillary continues to trend

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Definition of fake news…
Anything that remotely favours Trump or criticizes Hillary.
Soon to be implemented by Silicon Valley czars.

Bizarre.
A violent rampage by Hillary supporters is proof that hate crimes have increased in America due to Trump.

Gaddafi killed brutally.
Hillary brazenly—We came, we saw, he died!
Hillary loses in polls.
Obama—Shocking interference! (With zero proof)

Hillary was the worst product in the history of democracy.
But still aggressive marketing made her win the popular vote and 232 Electoral College votes.

In Bill’s 8 years, Hillary was his Right Hand.
In Obama’s 8 years, Hill was his foreign policy architect.
Had she won, it could have been 24 years of Hill!

Tens of thousands of enthusiasts attended A’s rallies.
Thousands of bored spectators attended B’s rallies.
The US still debating how B lost!

Trump unpresidented the Democrats bigly.
It was so yuuuuge they still don’t know what hit them.
It’s not braggadocious.

Sanders supporters go on rampage.
Freedom of speech!
Hillary supporters go on rampage.
Freedom of speech!
People support Trump.
Nazi! Bigot!

2015-16—Most of the hate crimes in America have been committed by Hillary supporters.
But that’s enough for media to claim Trump is a bigot.

Hillary said Trump only ranted and attacked—she did that in the end.
Her supporters dismissed opponents as conspiracy theorists—Now they cry conspiracy.

Heights of Delusion.
She will win by a landslide.
She may win in the recount.
She could win after Electoral College defections.
She lost because of Putin.

Democrats knew Hillary was a crook. Ignore.
Media knew Hillary was a crook. Ignore.
Wikileaks showed Hillary a crook. Ignore.
Enough voters showed Hillary a crook. Still ignoring.

Liberals before US elections…
Deserving candidate will get 300+ Electoral College Votes.
Dictator will lose.
They were right!

Democrat turned Republican.
Entertainer turned President.
Toughie hated by liberals.
Polls missed magnitude of support.
#Reagan #Trump

California is full of Liberals and Democratic Hollywood + Silicon Valley.
Trump would never have got them and he didn’t bother.
He won the popular vote in 49 States.
They still don’t get it.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsEng series musings…

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Jo shatak banayega wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
Jo Jeeta wohi Sikander.
#Sachin
MC-BC. Sikander gaya tel lene.
Shatak bhi mera, jeet bhi meri!
#Kohli

Test captaincy.
Test anchor.
ODI anchor.
iT20 anchor.
RCB captaincy.
RCB anchor.
3500+ runs in all the above.
Pressure? Woh kya hota hai?
#Kohli

Batsman Kohli—May surpass Sachin.
Captain Kohli—May surpass Dhoni.
Spinner Ashwin—May surpass Kumble.
All-rounder Ashwin—May surpass Kapil.

Batting Averages.
Great player…
Tests—55.
ODIs—50.
iT20s—40.
Kohli…
Tests—50.
ODIs—53.
iT20s—57.

Only two active cricketers have scored more than 650 runs in a Test series versus Australia in Australia.
#Cook #Kohli
Funny Anderson thinks Kohli needs pitches to score.

Prophecy: A Karnataka batsman will cross 200 at the Chennai Test.
Rahul out on 199: Damn! The prophecy was wrong!
Karun Nair: No it wasn’t!

#Dravid #Kumble #Laxman #Dhoni #Kohli
Greater match-winners than Sachin.
Sachin is not even the greatest in his own team.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more #Demonetization musings…

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Roti, kapada, makaan, bijli aur bandwidth.
—Late NASSCOM chief Dewang Mehta.
Now “bandwidth” is the key for our march to cashless economy.

Most people in India must be thinking that cashless economy simply means no availability of hard cash.

IAF.
We fight wars.
We go in overdrive during earthquakes and floods.
We also fly money during #Demonetization to sort out cash crunch!

Ask not what you can do for the country but what the country can do for you in terms of looted money.
—Politicians in the Pre-#Demonetization era.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

And they will continue hating Modi…

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Kejriwal: Vote for anyone but BJP.
One interpretation: Vote for Congress.
Anna Hazare, tu to Congress agent nikla!

Kejri.
The man with a million mistakes, a million baseless allegations and a million nautankis.
Plus he’s chanted Modi’s name million times.

Lalu
Accused✔
Convicted✔
Disqualified✔
Incompetent✔
Jungle Raj✔
Casteist✔
Dynasty✔
#AdarshLiberals: He’s as white as snow! We hate Modi!

1970s: Too many bad politicians debut.
1980s: Mamata becomes MP.
1990s: Lalu becomes CM.
2000s: Pappu becomes MP.
2010s: Kejri becomes CM.

Congress once had all the talent, all the leaders and all the ideas.
Today it has all the stupidity, all the bankruptcy and all the Pappus.

Next they will complain that their vote bank got hacked and emptied in 2014 and they are unable to get new voting currency.
#OfflineCongress

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The effects of the US Presidential elections…

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Left ecosystem has total meltdown.
Dems running like headless chickens.
US companies trying to stay.
He’s not even President yet.
#Trump

Till 2013 Left held upper hand.
2014-16—Right won it all.
2017—Uncharted territory.
#FrançoisFillonVsMarineLePen #RightVsFarRight
#France

If California secedes within the next 4 years, then Hillary will become the founding President of the new country.

If California seceded within the next 4 years, Trump’s Electoral College vote victory becomes 306-177 and popular vote 58.3-56.6 million.

Jill Stein just got Democrat supporters to fund the Green Party.
She’s a genius.
#RecountDrama #USPolls

If Romney becomes Secretary of State, it’ll be a hat-trick of…
Failed Presidential bid–>Secretary of State.
#Kerry2004 #Hillary2008 #Romney2012

After Republican party was formed, 4 Presidents have lost the popular vote but won the Electoral College.
All 4 were Republicans.
#Hayes #Harrison #Bush #Trump

These versions by Sunil Rajguru