The absolutely never-ending #Demonetisation musings…

Chhota bhai: Aaj mere paas credit card hai, debit card hai, netbanking hai, PayTM hai, Rupay hai… tere paas kya hai?
Bada bhai: Mere paas hard cash hai!

Out of service.
Out of order.
Expecting cash.
2000s only.
Emptying fast.

Cash Na Milega Dobara.
Prem Ratan Dhan Na Payo.
Ae Bill Hai Mushkil.
Ek Tha Black Money Tiger.
Airlift (of new currency notes by IAF).

Do you have a Ration Card?
Yes, it is called an ATM Card.
Money is rationed and usually out of stock.

ATM = Any Time Money (may suddenly come and you have to be ready in wait for it)

ATM now stands for…
ATM Temporarily Moneyless.

New Year Resolutions…
RBI: I will make sure there is enough cash in the markets.
Banks: I will make sure ATMs remain open with cash 24X7.

(note)band(i) baj gaya inka. Opposition will continue protesting.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Media gets #Demonetized

Lalu Jungle Raj.
Media: Wah wah!
Akhilesh Goonda Raj.
Media: Wah wah!
Mamata anarchy.
Media: Wah wah!
Modi makes bold move.
Media: This will cost him next election!
(Won 4/4 for CM/PM by the way)

Journo 1: I am a crime reporter. You?
Journo 2: I am an ATM/bank queue reporter. I’ve become quite a specialist at it too!

One TV news channel to another…
Bhala tumhara ATM line hamara ATM line se lamba kaise?

Modi: I can end black money!
Media: I can end Modi’s career! (By showing only negativity. Trying and failing since 2002.)

Show a line of commentators on the TV screen venting non-stop.
Show a bank/ATM line on the TV screen venting non-stop.

ATM/Bank queues are the new Panel Discussions for Indian TV news channels.

There is a breed of commentators in India who have no ideology or stand or real views.
They just oppose whatever Modi does.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The pains of #Demonetization

India hasn’t been Modified yet.
We’re not even halfway there.

Open… 24 hours.
Open… Till stocks last!

If today you have a lot of change in the form of Rs 100 notes, then you are a Chhuttapati.

Government should have opened online liquor home delivery stores along with #Demonetisation.
Would have done roaring business.

Hit hard…
Lower/middle class with white money—Short run.
Rich class with black money—Long run.
Those with cards/net banking/PayTM.

#Demonetisation for the…
Common man—Long queues.
Bank employees—Long hours.
Online companies—Growth!
Opposition—Ammo to attack.

Beggar to common man—Bhagwaan ke naam pe chutte de de re baba!
Common man to bank—Bhagwaan ke naam pe chutte de de re baba!

We need an odd even scheme in banks.
On odd days you can deposit.
On even days you can withdraw.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru