How to tell what type of cricket match is going on…

You know…

…a Test match is going on…
…when purists are shouting “Test cricket is not dead!”… “Test cricket is not dead!”…

…an ODI match is going on…
…when people in the office are glued to the computer screen and are alternately looking depressed or screaming.

…a T20 match is going on…
…when you get stuck in a traffic jam on your way back from work and you end up missing the entire match due to that.

…the IPL is going on…
…when there’s a sudden spurt in controversies, inane sports ads and there’s more tamasha than actual cricket going on.

…a First Class match is going on…
…actually you never know about it even though there’s some match going on throughout the year all.

…the Women’s Cricket World Cup is going on…
…when a host of experts across all news channels are bemoaning low viewership of women’s cricket.

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things that could happen if Narendra Modi became Prime Minister of India…

1. Every price rise, inflationary trend, national tragedy… would be prefixed with “In a blow to Modi…”

2. Every Government scheme would be prefixed with “Sonia unhappy as…” or “Advani disappointed as…” or Rahul angry as…”.

3. Some would be tempted to call him “Alleged Prime Minister”.

4. The media would announce that they are no longer government stooges but “proudly anti-establishment”.

5. The Ministry of External Affairs would hold Passport/Visa Help camps all over the country to help all those people who threatened to quit the country if Modi became PM.

6. The Modi Industry would seek FDI to keep afloat.

7. MPs would petition the Nobel Committee to revoke Barack Obama’s Peace Prize if he invited Modi to the US.

8. Critics would start counting the years in terms of AG (After Godhra).
For example…
Modi became PM of India in 12 AG.

9. His supporters would start calling him Mahatma Modi.
(Jab critics bina wajah ke use gira sakte ho, to fans bina wajah usko chadayenge kyun nahin?)

10. Alternatively, such scenarios could be also become common…
Anchor: And in a blow to Modi…
(Aide whispers into anchor’s ear: Sir no more Bharat Nirman ads. All Congress funding has dried up.
Anchor: Do you think BJP will do the same and oblige us?
Aide: Why not try it out?)
Anchor: And in a blow to Sonia…

© Sunil Rajguru

The extremely friendly world of Facebook …

1. Welcome to Facebook. Connect with the world…
People You May Know…
(Oh ya? How do you know?)

2. X and you have 34 mutual friends.
Y and you have 112 mutual friends.
Z and you have 201 mutual friends.
(OK, OK, I get it.)

3. Add Friend
Add Friend
Add Friend

(Not so subtle are you Facebook?)

4. So and so has added a, b, c and x, y and z as friends.
Sunil, More Friends Are Waiting
Mrs xyz found 6 friends by searching her email contacts. Give it a try!
Your friends use the friend finder. Have you tried it yet?

Finally…
OK baba you win, I’ll start sending friend requests to the people you suggested.

Next day…
You have been blocked for sending too many friend requests.
You should not send Friend requests to people you don’t know.
If you keep this up, we will delete your Facebook account!

© Sunil Rajguru

When the Congress wanted to ban opinion polls…

The Congress motto…
We don’t want opinions.
Only minions.

Overheard in the Congress…
Ye survey kya hota hai?
Hum to sirf madam way jaante hai!

Opinion polls?
If they had their way, they’d ban the 2014 Lok Sabha polls!

Inside the party they want umpteen spokespersons.
Outside the party they only want silent persons.

My way or the highway.
+ My way not the survey.
= Opposition party is a Fascist.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru