#2014in5words

For the 2014 Lok Sabha polls…
& for the BJP…
& for TV news channels…
& for Indian politics in general…
Modi Modi Modi Modi Modi.

For Congress…
Sonia is really really unhappy.

For India…
Acche Din Aane Waale Hai.

For Pappu…
Dude, who moved my votebank?

For Subrata Roy…
Rupees Ten Thousand Crore only.

For badminton India…
Srikanth and Sania in China.

For Robert Vadra…
Are you serious or nuts?

For Modi haters before May 16…
There is no Modi wave.

For Modi haters after May 16…
Idea of India is dead.

For terror…
ISIL ISIS IS TTP Peshawar.

For Manmohan Singh…
… … … … …

For Mamata Banerjee…
Saradha Burdwan Maoist Hitler Didi.

For Indian cricket fans…
No foreign Tests only ODIs.

For Jayalalitha…
You are hereby pronounced guilty.

For BCCI…
Is Srinivasan coming or going?

For Kejriwal…
Hame ek aur mauka deejiye.

For ISRO…
Mangalyaan NISAR GSAT CE-7.5 IRNSS.

In the hockey Champions Trophy semi-final…
@#$    %^&    #^%    *(&   %@*

In IPL…
I am just an enthusiast.

For Viswanathan Anand…
Kasparov, Karpov and now Carlsen.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

T-shirt ideas and counter ideas for Modi haters and fans…

Anti-Modi: Modi is a Fascist.
–>Pro-Modi: I am a Modi supporter and I am not a Fascist.

When Modi becomes PM, I’m emigrating.
–>If Modi doesn’t become PM, I’m emigrating.

The M in Modi stands for Murder.
–>The d in Modi stands for development.

Never forget Godhra.
–>They will never let you forget Godhra.

The Gujarat Model will fail in India.
–>Only the Gujarat Model can save India.

If Modi fails in 2014, then he’s finished.
–>If Modi fails in 2014, then India is finished.

What about 2002?
–>What about 1969, 1980, 1983, 1984 and 1989?

Don’t vote for Feku!
–>Can you really vote for Pappu? LOL!

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things that could happen if Narendra Modi became Prime Minister of India…

1. Every price rise, inflationary trend, national tragedy… would be prefixed with “In a blow to Modi…”

2. Every Government scheme would be prefixed with “Sonia unhappy as…” or “Advani disappointed as…” or Rahul angry as…”.

3. Some would be tempted to call him “Alleged Prime Minister”.

4. The media would announce that they are no longer government stooges but “proudly anti-establishment”.

5. The Ministry of External Affairs would hold Passport/Visa Help camps all over the country to help all those people who threatened to quit the country if Modi became PM.

6. The Modi Industry would seek FDI to keep afloat.

7. MPs would petition the Nobel Committee to revoke Barack Obama’s Peace Prize if he invited Modi to the US.

8. Critics would start counting the years in terms of AG (After Godhra).
For example…
Modi became PM of India in 12 AG.

9. His supporters would start calling him Mahatma Modi.
(Jab critics bina wajah ke use gira sakte ho, to fans bina wajah usko chadayenge kyun nahin?)

10. Alternatively, such scenarios could be also become common…
Anchor: And in a blow to Modi…
(Aide whispers into anchor’s ear: Sir no more Bharat Nirman ads. All Congress funding has dried up.
Anchor: Do you think BJP will do the same and oblige us?
Aide: Why not try it out?)
Anchor: And in a blow to Sonia…

© Sunil Rajguru

The biggest question…

In the last couple of years in politics…

Biggest scam: Coalgate.

Most high profile scam: 2G.

Biggest contradiction: MMS is Coal Minister and economic whiz (2G) and yet not accountable.

Biggest scam to claim a CM: Adarsh.

Most scams: UPA2. (All-time record)

Most powerful person: Sonia.

Biggest irony: Sonia gets minimum blame.

Most narcissist leader: Maya. (Statues! Statues! Statues!)

Most paranoid leader: Mamata. (Maoist! Arrest them! Conspiracy!)

Most arrogant: The average Congress spokesperson.

Most Draconian legislation: Section 66A.

Most idiotic statements: Diggy Raja.

Most reluctant leader: Pappu.

Most high-handed action: Water cannons against the anti-rape protestors.

Most riots: UP.

Most fake encounters: UP.

The biggest disappointment: Akhilesh.

Most irrelevant leader: Advani.

The biggest headaches for the aam aadmi: Economy, inflation, petrol-onion prices, job market, agricultural woes…

The biggest question…
If this is the case, then why is most of the time spent in rubbishing, attacking, maligning and going after Modi?

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things you can do if UPA3 comes to power in 2014…

1. Emigrate.

2. Commit suicide.

3. Demand that the BJP be banned permanently to avoid any future false hopes.

4. Demand that Modi be exiled for the sake of future peace.

5. Declare democracy dead, call ourselves a monarchy and abolish General Elections.

6. Spend like crazy. Money will soon become worthless anyway. Enjoy your last days.

7. Call him Mahatma Pappu, the official Father of the Nation.

8. Start and watch only 24X7 Diggy Raja TV. Anything anyone else says is worthless anyway in this regime.

9. Put pictures of the dynasty in your house and worship them.

10. Do away with Bills, let everything be decided via Ordinance. Why waste time debating the inevitable?

© Sunil Rajguru