Monthly Archives: August 2013

Bollywood Rs 100 crore club musings…

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Worst SRK movie I’ve seen is Ra.One.
It did Rs 115 crores.
Worst Salman movie I’ve seen is Dabangg 2.
Rs 155 crores.
I am totally out of sync with modern India.

Shitty film?
Don’t worry.
Dher saara publishitty hai na!
‪

My strange news feed…
80% Status Messages praise film: Rs 40 crore at box office.
50-50 verdict: Rs 80 crore.
90% royally trash film: Rs 150 crore!

1 Bollywood Superstar
+ 1 Publicity blitzkrieg
+ 1 Weekend
= Rs 100 crores.
(Story, logic aur quality gaya tel lene)

1st Weekend: Superstar hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 100 crores.
2nd weekend: 100 crore movie hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 50 more crores.
TV pe dekhi hi lete hai free main, music sun hi lete hai. Bam! 50 more crores.

#‎SRK‬
2007: Sattar minute main World Cup jeet lo!
2013: Sattar ghante main Rs 100 Crore Club jeet lo!
‪#‎ChennaiExpress‬

Films are getting shittier and shittier and making more and more money.
Are we viewers getting dumber or are producers getting smarter?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Major Shahrukh Khan versus ACP Pradyuman…

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Pradyuman has been ACP in the TV serial CID since 1998.

But someone else holds the record for being on the same rank for a longer period of time…

SRK became Lieutenant in 1989 (Fauji) and got promoted to Major in Army (1996).

He has retained the same rank since then…

Major, 2004 (Main Hoon Na).

Major equivalent Squadron Leader, 2004 (Veer Zaara).

Major, 2012 (Jab Tak Hai Jaan).

© Sunil Rajguru

Let’s all watch the UPA film…

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2004…
Voter 1: This NDA film seems OK, but I am tired of it. Let’s try something new.
Voter 2: OK!

2009…
Voter 1: Picture kaisi thi?
Voter 2: Pata nahin chal raha hai, shaayad second half accha ho.
Manmohan: Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
Voters: Theek Hai! Chal try karte hai!

2014…
Aila! Ye to horror film tha!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Their favourite 20th Century TV soaps…

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Manmohan: That 90s Show. (Economy going back there)

Mani: That 80s Show. (Ah! Rajiv! Rajiv! Rajiv!)

Sonia: That 70s Show. (Garibi Hatao + Emergency)

Pappu: That 60s Show. (I wasn’t even born then—Bliss!)

Congressmen: That 50s Show. (Party in power in all States)

Diggy: That 40s Show. (RSS was banned then!)

RSS: That 30s Show. (Akhand undivided Bharat!)

Left: That 20s Show. (CPI formed, Communism will rule the world!)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Rupaiyya aur Sensex to girta hi rahega…

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How foreign currencies discuss the Rupee…
US$: Maine half-century maara.
Euro: Main century maarne wala hu.
UK Pound: Main nervous nineties main hu.
Kuwati Dinar: LOL! Maine kab ka double century maara!

Yesterday the Sensex said…
Bahut hua samman!
Netalog, Rupee sab gir rahe hai, main bhi girta hu!

Duck Tales…
2009-11: Duck Soup government.
2011-13: Lame duck government.
2013-14: Dead duck government.
2014: Sitting Duck for polls?
‪#‎UPA‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru