Twisted quotes for modern Indian politics…

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime—Original quote.
Teach a man to fish and you lose votes. Promise to feed a man a fish every day and you can rule for a lifetime—Sonia Mata on the eve of the Food Bill Ordinance.

I think, therefore I am—Descartes.
I don’t think, therefore am I not?—Pappu.

Think before you speak—Saying.
I speak a lot, but what is this “think” funda that everyone keeps talking about?—Diggy Raja saying.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?—Saying.
With spokespersons like these, who needs the Opposition?—Congress will be saying after the 2014 polls.

Look before you leap—Saying.
Look, I am leaping on your freedom of speech—Government of India is saying.

The BJP pokes its nose in everything—Renuka says.
I don’t have that problem is my nose is always high up in the air—Unsaid.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The actual Yojanas of the UPA…

Making MMS PM…
Kursi Ke Peeche Remote Chalao Yojana.

RTI…
Hame Chhod Kar Baaki Ke Baare Main Jaaniye Yojana.

NREGA…
Crore-o Main Vote Ikkhatta Karo Yojana.

Food Bill…
Crore-o Main Vote Ikkhatta Karo Maha Yojana.

Cases like Ishrat case…
Kisi Bhi Haal Par Modi Ko Fix Karo Yojana.

CBI…
Kisi Bhi Haal Par Saare Opponents Ko Fix Karo Yojana.

NAC…
Unofficial Sonia Power Ko Offical Banao Yojana.

Bharat Nirman…
Bharat Barbaadi Pe Parda Daalo Yojana.

Foreign Policy…
Sabse Dar Dar Ke Jeena Seekho Yojana.

Section 66A…
Hamse Dar Dar Ke Jeena Seekho Yojana.

© Sunil Rajguru

More Mahi musings…

· There was this Mahi—a real bowlers’ pain,
Who made sure the last over didn’t go in vain,
Not once, but again
And again and again,
And again and again and again!

· One reason that I personally rate Dhoni higher than Sachin is because you can get tired of records but you can never get tired of victories.

· Yet another leadership change in Jharkhand!
The only consistent leader from Jharkhand since its inception has been Dhoni!

· Melting point of Ice Man Dhoni = 50.1° where ° = Overs (in a 50 over match).

© Sunil Rajguru

Windies triangular tournament win musings on Dhoni…

· Dhoni wins a tournament… yawn… stays till the end… yawn… finishes it off with a 6… yawn…

· Miandad’s last ball sixer shattered India.
India prayed and prayed for a counter.
And lo behold! There was Dhoni!

· Overheard…
Dhoni: Honey, I have just won the…
Sakshi: Bas, bas, bore mat kar… ghar main bahut kaam pada hai… waise bhi ab trophies ke liye koi jagah nahin bachi hai… achcha hua Zimbabwe tour miss kar raha hai…

· That mid-1980s feeling…
India world champions. Low 202 run target in final. Still last over finish. Top scorer 58(89). 1 attacking opener, 1 slow one. All-rounder champ Ravi in team. No Sachin factor. Captain Sixer.

· How to rest an overworked Dhoni…
1. Get Karthik to keep stumps.
2. Let Mahi come 9 down.
3. Phir bhi jeet pakki hai!

· Taking a break from this Rahul vs Modi debate, I’m rooting for Dhoni as Prime Minister.

· Won’t be surprised if Jayawardene and Sangakkara retire from India matches to concentrate on other teams.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The rulers of India…

· Liberalization Economy Trinity…
Narasimha Rao the Creator.
Vajpayee the Preserver.
Manmohan the Destroyer.

· Spiderman: With great power comes great responsibility.
Sonia: LOL! With absolute power come zero accountability and zero responsibility.
MMS: Power? Woh kya hota hai? Pata nahin? Theek hai!

· The Information Overload in the Modi-Godhra case is absolutely astounding.
So much so that facts have become irrelevant and it’s now just a matter of belief!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Today’s partisan political musings…

· Presumption of Innocence: The principle that one is considered innocent until proven guilty.
Presumption of Guilt: The principle that Modi is considered guilty until proven innocent.

· In the BJP, they had to coin the term “Namonia”.
In the Congress it already exists and it’s called So”nia”.

· Sir!!! Please be PM! Please be PM! Please be PM! Please be PM!…
‪#‎Pappu‬: Mujhe chhod do mere haal pe, zinda hoon yaar kaafi hai…
‪#‎Lootera‬

· Congress spokespersons’ logo…
Trolling India before the Internet was invented!

· Spokesperson’s XI…
Mani, Diggy, Tiwari, Jha, Renuka, Singhvi, Sibal, Tehseen, Khurshid, Nirupam, Narayanaswamy.
Congress all down before 2014 polls!

· Why does the Congress disbelieve that the BJP has so much support?
Today even if RJD was the main Opposition, there’d be a massive “Laloo for PM” lobby, so spectacularly has the UPA tanked.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru