Daily Archives: July 29, 2013

The politics of death in India…

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In this country, some martyrs are totally forgotten, others made martyrs to play political games.

Somewhere thousands of deaths are swept under the carpet; somewhere a death gets millions and millions of news bytes.

Millions die of hunger and millions die of an extra-rich diet.

A dead man can be officially alive and a living man can be officially dead.

Even a womb that gives life can be a brutal killing field in secret.

A death may be dubbed secular or communal even though a death is a death is a death.

Some person who has been dead for ages may be chargesheeted while another given the Bharat Ratna.

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things you can do if UPA3 comes to power in 2014…

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1. Emigrate.

2. Commit suicide.

3. Demand that the BJP be banned permanently to avoid any future false hopes.

4. Demand that Modi be exiled for the sake of future peace.

5. Declare democracy dead, call ourselves a monarchy and abolish General Elections.

6. Spend like crazy. Money will soon become worthless anyway. Enjoy your last days.

7. Call him Mahatma Pappu, the official Father of the Nation.

8. Start and watch only 24X7 Diggy Raja TV. Anything anyone else says is worthless anyway in this regime.

9. Put pictures of the dynasty in your house and worship them.

10. Do away with Bills, let everything be decided via Ordinance. Why waste time debating the inevitable?

© Sunil Rajguru

Some political musings…

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Running in the Planning Commission for goodness knows how many years…
Bhaag Gareebi Rekha Bhaag!

Mumbai: Babbar Jodi=2 two boiled eggs.
Delhi: Masood meal=Half a handful of groundnuts.
Kashmir: Farooq meal=Waiter laughs in your face for 1 minute and goes. You give him Re 1 for his performance.

Would be PMs…
Most dynamic: Netaji.
Solidest: Patel.
“Right” economist: Rajaji.
Fairest/most balanced: Rajendra Prasad.
We got: Nehru.

Bollywood: Khullam khulla pyar karenge hum dono…
Politics: Khullam khulla scams, nepotism, favouritism aur arrogance karenge hum sab logon…

BJP has always been its own worst enemy.
Right now Congress is its own worst enemy.
2014 will be won by the one who can sink the least.

Paanch Ek Baarah waale kripaya Nau Do Gyaaraah ho jaeeye.
‪#‎FictionalCheapFood‬

Total turnaround…
1. (Anna) Hazare se acchi hai uski khaamoshi.
2. AAPke khalayat Diggy Raja se kitne milte julte hai. (‪#‎Batla‬)

I can understand the BJP attempting a ‪#‎Mission272‬.
But why is the Congress behaving like it’s aiming for a MissionBelow100?

Manmohan Singh’s biggest achievement is that he has emerged as a lasting brand for mute, passive and ineffective leadership.

In 2004 the BJP were sure of winning.
In 2009 the BJP were sure of winning.
In 2014 the BJP are sure of winning.
So will it be déjà vu or third time lucky?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Srinivasan to return?

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“I’ll be back.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger, 1984.
Jagmohan Dalmiya, 2006.
N Srinivasan, 2013.
(Mohinder Amarnath: Dunno how many times!)

BCCI and political parties have an RTI of their own.
Right To Innocence.
OR
Right To (declare anyone) Innocent.

The BCCI does believe in DRS.
N Srinivasan was given out and he appealed.
Now his Third Umpire has overruled the original decision and he’s coming back.

Tere paas kya hai?
Srinivasan: Mere paas Ma(hi) hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some more Pappu-Modi musings…

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There is a Pappu wave too, only you don’t see it.
The electorate is getting ready to wave Pappu goodbye in 2014.

In a parallel universe, Modi has been hanged and Diggy Raja has received the Nobel Prizes of Peace and Literature.

Baba Ramdev blasts “Burqa of secularism”.
Probably would have preferred “Salwar kameez of secularism”.

1. Is Modi guilty in 2002?
2. Gujarat development is real.
3. He’s extremely popular offline too.
Just because you believe 1. is true doesn’t mean 2. and 3. automatically become false.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Utopia to UPAtopia…

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Q: How many poor mouths will the UPA feed from now on?
A: None. They will simply shift the poverty line again and declare “Zero” numbers of poor!

Q: How is the middle class doing?
A: Great. They get to eat a full hearty meal in Re 1. That means great savings for everything else.

Q: What about the upper classes?
A: Well since they are still in the upper classes, they are doing pretty well thank you. Why are you asking?

Q: What about the scams, terror threats and enemies like Pakistan and China?
A: Were you sleeping? I just answered the above questions showing that all three classes are doing well! Who’s left? Everyone is happy. If there’s still a further problem, we can declare everything “Zero loss”.

Q: So we have reached Utopia?
A: Yes, you could call it UPAtopia.

(Arthath, “UPA” ne sab ko “topi” pahanaya)

© Sunil Rajguru