Congress: India’s ultimate oxymoron…

Questionnaire: Fill in the blanks.

Topic: Congress.

Q1: It is secular because __________ (Maximum communal riots have taken place under its rule)

Q2: It is tough on terror because __________ (It blames the Opposition for terror instead of enemies and terror groups)

Q3: It has a great foreign policy because __________ (It doesn’t stand up to Pakistan, China or Pakistan or anyone else for that matter)

Q4: It is democratic because __________ (It is a very strong believer of dynasty and is the only party to have imposed Emergency. Plus all party presidents behave like dictators)

Q5: It strongly believes in merit because __________ (It is a very strong believer of all dynasties)

Q6: It strongly believes in India’s federal structure because __________ (Believes strongly in Article 356, uses the CBI to settle scores, Ref: Mulayam)

Q7: It strongly believes in all of India’s institutions because __________ (Its PM refused to accept an HC verdict, it diluted the office of the CEC, it rubbished the CAG…)

© Sunil Rajguru

It’s all about the Congress…

· India’s terror equation…
Left-inspired Naxalism
+ Indira Gandhi backed Bhindranwale
+ Khurshid lawyer for SIMI
+ Laloo parades Osama look-alike for polls
= BJP supports terrorism.

· Congress: We are fixing our biggest problems!
Q: Corruption? Terrorism? Inflation? Economy?
Congress: No! No! Modi. BJP. RSS. Baaki sab bhaad main jaaye!

· Manmohan: Are these Chinese excursions serious?
Official: No sir, it’s just a case of “Aaya cheen gaya cheen”.

· Official: Chinese excursions!
MMS: Stop playing cricket with them!
Official: But we don’t play with them!
MMS: Wow! So action already taken!

· Reality…
2009: Congress probably led BJP 20-0.
Since then the BJP has done nothing and Congress has been busy scoring own-goals.
That’s why the BJP is “close” now.

· Manmohan Singh is still in mute mode.
All he has done is thrown incomprehensible numbers at us.
The words are still invisible.

· Peter Principle…
Every one rises to his level of incompetence and stays there.
‪#‎ManmohanSingh‬ ‪#‎PrimeMinister‬ ‪#‎NineYears‬

· What MMS really said on economy…
Basic fundamentals are sound (the alarm bugle!) and stable (for scams).

· Somewhere down the line Manmohan has forgotten even the spellings of both Economy and Politics.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

More on Modi…

· Secular party oath…
I do solemnly swear that I’ll bear allegiance to the notion that Modi is communal and carry out my duties accordingly.

· If he manages to become PM, then 2002-13’s “Blow to Modi” will become 2014’s “Bow to Modi”.

· The GDP of Gujarat has been rising alarmingly and steadily since 2002.
(Godhra+Development Politics)

· 100% of India should be nationalists.
80% of India are Hindus.
Hindu. Nationalist.
Nationalist. Hindu.
Hindu nationalist.
Nationalist Hindu.
Why this furore over a bit of wordplay?

· Debate begins…
BJP supporter: You are defending the most corrupt and arrogant government in history!
Congress supporter: You are defending Godhra!
Debate ka “The End”.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why every Congress spokesperson is special and unique…

Stupidest statements: Diggy Raja.

Most useless arguments: Sanjay Jha.

Rudest: Manish Tewari.

Loudest: Narayanaswamy.

Most Arrogant: Mani Shankar Aiyar.

Most inane: Tehseen Poonawala.

Most brazen: Salman Khurshid.

Biggest khadoos: Sanjay Nirupam.

Most outlandish reasoning: Kapil Sibal.

Most drama: Renuka Chaudhary.

Most irritating: Abhishek Singhvi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The online reality…

· Evolution…
Stage 1: Armchair critic.
Stage 2: Couch Potato.
Stage 3: Computer chair activist/commentator/critic/philosopher.

· Twitter—The only medium in the world where it’s theoretically possible for there to be one million followers and one million leaders in a single group of one million people.

· There must be trillions of Likes floating in Facebook right now and yet you concentrate on all the hate in social networking?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nitish and the mid-day meal tragedy…

· Conspiracy theories…
US: Aliens, UFOs, world domination…
India: Mid-day meals.

· Allegation: Mid-day meals were poisoned.
Fact: It’s the mind and speech of most politicians that’s been poisoned.

· Sadly, the “Decline and Fall of the Nitish Empire” has begun.

· JD(Unstuck).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru