When to listen to which Congress leader…

If you’re in need of a good laugh: Pappu.

If you have insomnia: Manmohan.

If you are a masochist: Manish Tiwari.

If you love conspiracy theories: Diggy Raja.

If you admire “creative facts”: Kapil Sibal.

If you want to listen to silence: Sonia.

If you’re hard of hearing: Narayanasamy.

If you want to hear the stupidest of arguments presented passionately: Anyone on TV will do.

© Sunil Rajguru

A day in the life of the average Congress spokesperson…

1. Get up in the morning and sing, “Saare jahaan se acchha, Pappustan hamara…”

2. Check Sonia Unhappiness Index mobile app.

3. Scan the newspapers for…
a. Congress misdeeds to see how it can all be blamed on Modi.
b. Check how many times Modi has been trashed as a measure of their victory.

4. Tweet silently cursing how the Congress hasn’t conquered Twitter yet.

5. Shout non-stop on TV channels all day.

6. Watch movies like Wag the Dog and wonder at the spin that can be achieved by any government.

7. Try writing books like How To Make Enemies and Still Influence People and hope it will be a best seller.

8. While sleeping, gargle to maintain most precious asset: The voice.

© Sunil Rajguru

Why every Congress spokesperson is special and unique…

Stupidest statements: Diggy Raja.

Most useless arguments: Sanjay Jha.

Rudest: Manish Tewari.

Loudest: Narayanaswamy.

Most Arrogant: Mani Shankar Aiyar.

Most inane: Tehseen Poonawala.

Most brazen: Salman Khurshid.

Biggest khadoos: Sanjay Nirupam.

Most outlandish reasoning: Kapil Sibal.

Most drama: Renuka Chaudhary.

Most irritating: Abhishek Singhvi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru