“I’ll be back.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger, 1984.
Jagmohan Dalmiya, 2006.
N Srinivasan, 2013.
(Mohinder Amarnath: Dunno how many times!)
BCCI and political parties have an RTI of their own.
Right To Innocence.
OR
Right To (declare anyone) Innocent.
The BCCI does believe in DRS.
N Srinivasan was given out and he appealed.
Now his Third Umpire has overruled the original decision and he’s coming back.
Tere paas kya hai?
Srinivasan: Mere paas Ma(hi) hai!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
There is a Pappu wave too, only you don’t see it.
The electorate is getting ready to wave Pappu goodbye in 2014.
In a parallel universe, Modi has been hanged and Diggy Raja has received the Nobel Prizes of Peace and Literature.
Baba Ramdev blasts “Burqa of secularism”.
Probably would have preferred “Salwar kameez of secularism”.
1. Is Modi guilty in 2002?
2. Gujarat development is real.
3. He’s extremely popular offline too.
Just because you believe 1. is true doesn’t mean 2. and 3. automatically become false.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Q: How many poor mouths will the UPA feed from now on?
A: None. They will simply shift the poverty line again and declare “Zero” numbers of poor!
Q: How is the middle class doing?
A: Great. They get to eat a full hearty meal in Re 1. That means great savings for everything else.
Q: What about the upper classes?
A: Well since they are still in the upper classes, they are doing pretty well thank you. Why are you asking?
Q: What about the scams, terror threats and enemies like Pakistan and China?
A: Were you sleeping? I just answered the above questions showing that all three classes are doing well! Who’s left? Everyone is happy. If there’s still a further problem, we can declare everything “Zero loss”.
Q: So we have reached Utopia?
A: Yes, you could call it UPAtopia.
(Arthath, “UPA” ne sab ko “topi” pahanaya)
© Sunil Rajguru
Excess rain woes: Pray.
Poverty: All you need is Rs 33.
Hunger: Eat in Re 1.
Terrorism: IM doesn’t exist.
Offline protestors: Maoists.
Online protestors: Trolls.
Spokespersons: Angels.
Bad economy: Statistics prove otherwise.
China-Pakistan: Who cares?
India’s problems: Only the Opposition.
What’s really wrong: Nothing.
© Sunil Rajguru
How to become PM
Modi: Lifelong struggle up. Develop State. Win 3 mandates. Give rousing speeches. Fight media. Fight 24X7.
Pappu: Get born!
I am a Hindu Nationalist: Modi.
TV news analysis…
I am a: Huge ego.
Hindu: Communal.
Nationalist: Anti-national.
Modi: Hitler.
Modi: Mere paas teen teen mandate hai, development hai, social media hai, brilliant speeches hai, passionate supporters hai… tere paas kya hai?
Pappu: Why do you have so much anger? It must be brought down!
Q: Have you heard the nonsense of Pappu in textbooks?
A: Pappu himself is a textbook case of nonsense.
Sibal rubbishes Gujarat Model.
Simple.
The way he declared “Zero Loss” in 2G scam, all he has to do is declare “Zero Gain” in the Gujarat Model.
Elementary, my dear Sibal!
Think it over…
65 MPs refuse to accept the validity of a thrice elected Indian CM.
But 65 MPs accept the validity of a US President taking action against him.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Can have full meal in Re 1: Farooq Abdullah.
The real question is whether Farooq has ever seen a one Rupee coin in his entire life.
Price of a meal…
Rs 12: Babbar. (In Mumbai)
Rs 5: Masood. (In Delhi)
Re 1: Farooq. (In Kashmir)
Free: Pappu. (In Dalit home)
Next leader is what? Whenever I eat, please pay me.
When I was in school in the 1980s, a Rs 10 note got me a rice plate, a balcony ticket, one samosa and a return bus ticket.
Then the Congress had LS 416 seats.
Today they have half of that but double the arrogance.
Ek chutki sindoor ki keemat tum kya jano: (Om) Shanti (Om).
Ek rupaye ki keemat tum kya jano gareeb naagrik: (Oh God) Farooq (Oh God).
Sounds like if politicians stopped eating in five-star hotels, then the savings would feed the rest of India and the Food Bill wouldn’t be required.
Real debate…
Politician 1: This scam can be done in 1 lakh crores.
Politician 2: I can do it in 5 lakh crores.
Politician 3: I’ll do it in 12 lakh crores!
(Utne main bhi nahin pet bharega actually!)
All these politicians are bent on feeding us cheap food.
We should get them to eat a large slice of humble pie in the 2014 polls.
Some time back, Pappu offered a Grand Prize for the most idiotic statement.
The poor souls are still waiting for him to end the competition and declare the winner.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru