Monthly Archives: January 2012

WACA WACA Perth anarth musings…

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Overheard…

∙ Laxman to Dravid-Tendulkar: Remember when we all played in Australia together for the first time in 1999! We lost 0-3. It seems like it happened just now.
Dravid to Laxman: Abbe it has happened just now! We have gone down 0-3! Wake up!

∙ Daadi 1: Suna hai Indian cricket team boori tarah se haari hai?
Daadi 2: Ab itna subah uthke keholge to yahi hoga na!

∙ Player: You know we used to have that problem against the second new ball?
Coach: Yes.
Player: Well we’ve sorted it out.
Coach: How?
Player: The innings doesn’t even last till the second new ball any more!

∙ Captain: Make it large!
Players: 0-4! Large enough for you?
Captain: 0-8 possible?
Players: Yes boss!

Headline headline on the wall…

Down Under Down Under… Torn Asunder Down Under… Blunder Down Under… Murder Down Under… Plunder Down Under… Surrender Down Under… Dumbfounder Down Under… Pretender Down Under… Tender Down Under… Hellbender Down Under… Sust Kalandar Down Under… Oh Brother! Down Under… Undertaker Down Under… Choker Down Under… Loose Character Down Under…

I have a dream… that one day…

…India will actually draw a match on foreign soil…
…Sachin will finally get his 100th international 100…
…Sehwag’s batting will actually make sense…
…an Indian quick will terrorize the opposition…
…England-Australia-South Africa-India will walk as equals…
…free at last… free at last… free at last… from all this nonsense…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Reference: Third India-Australia Test, Perth, January 13-15

Saare Bharatiyo ka bojh hum uthate hain…

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Indian cricket captain MS Dhoni has had enough and he has come out with a theme song to define his fatigue.
Please sing to the tune of Saari duniya ka bojh hum uthate hain from the Amitabh Bachchan movie Coolie…

Saare Bharatiyo ka bojh hum uthate hain,
Saare Bharatiyo ka bojh hum uthate hain,
Players aate hain, players jaate hain,
Hum yahin pe wicket ke peeche khade rahe jaate hain.

Chaar kaptaano ka kaam hai, ek ka daam hai,
Khoon mat peejiye aur thoda rest deejiye,
Ek series karo kam,
Hum khuda ki kasam,
Badi mehnat se crore-o kamaate hain,
Saare Bharatiyo ka bojh hum uthate hain.

Thoda paani piya field pe yaad rab ko kiya,
Jeet ki bhookh bhi mit gayi, trophies ki pyaas bhi bujh gayi,
Kaam har haal main, naam phir bhi badnaam hai,
Ek do din ki chhutti saal main milti hai,
Saare Bharatiyo ka bojh hum uthate hain.

Jeena mushkil to hai apna bhi dil to hai,
Dil main armaan hai, hum bhi insaan hai,
Jab haarte hain, ghussa pesh karte hain sab,
Khoon peete hain aur bahut rote hai,
Saare Bharatiyo ka bojh hum uthate hain…

(Original Song: Saari duniya ka bojh hum uthate hain.
Movie: Coolie.
Year: 1983)

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Indian Cricket: Arre Bhaiyya Aal Izz Well…

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Contrary to what people think, Indian cricket is still going through one of its greatest and golden ages.

This is borne out by the priority of Indian cricketers who are an extremely happy bunch of millionaire celebrities, no matter how much you poor ole fans fret and fume…

Priority No. 1: Ads.
Status: Lifetime World Champions.

Priority No. 2: IPL.
Status: Top of the Pops in the Rich List. MS Dhoni’s CSK current IPL champions  with the Champions League to boot!

Priority No. 3: ODIs.
Status: Current World Champions, till 2015. (Forgotten kya?)

Priority No. 4: T20s.
Status: Inaugural World Champions. World Cup coming up in this year itself, if we win that, then even small mentions of England or Australia tour will be banned.

Priority No. 5: Accumulating Records.
Status: Virtual World Champions. Sachin alone has more records than the entire Australian team put together.

Priority No. 6: Test Cricket.
Status: We were World Champions for close to 2 years weren’t we? Can’t be champions forever now can we? Belt up and get a life you always complaining and never satisfied Indian fan!

Post Script…
Now sing with me… Arre Bhaiyya Aal Izz Well…

© Sunil Rajguru

Perth thrashing musings…

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∙ Yesterday’s Victory: Just another brick in The Wall.
Today’s Defeat: Just another hole in The Wall.

∙ Yesterday’s Statement: Indian cricket is dead.
Today’s Question: Is there life after death?

∙ The demand for two-tier Test cricket has been around for ages and it’s finally time to implement it in the interest of saving Tests.
Zimbabwe, Bangladesh and India will be in one Tier and all the rest in the other.

∙ Since Sachin wasn’t scoring a century, the Indian team decided to do it for him. They did pretty well actually and the other 10 players together scored 141 runs.

∙ Indian Test Cricket has just become a fictional character like Santa Claus, Superman and the Mahashatak.

∙ The biggest positive of the first day of the Test match at Perth was that play finally ended.

© Sunil Rajguru

Reference: Third India-Australia Test at Perth, January 13, 2012

More general political musings…

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∙ Yesterday: Sab quota politics hai.
Today: Sub-quota politics hai.

∙ There was this elephant in a dark room. Many wise men went and touched it. One touched the trunk, one touched the ear, another the tail and yet another the leg and so on…
Since they all touched different parts of the body, they all described it differently and started arguing violently over what the elephant really was.
Then the Election Commission came and ordered the elephant to be covered with a large cloth and told all the squabbling parties to go home!

∙ For the last 10 years, TV news channels have been singing…
Why this why this Narendramo D?

∙ First Indian planner: The divide between the rich and poor is increasing thanks to this great growth we are seeing.
Second Indian planner: Then why don’t we slow down growth itself to stop the rich-poor divide?

© Sunil Rajguru

General international musings…

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∙ Obama: Oh God! Enough of these hardships and burdens! Please show me the light and make my sufferings much less!
And God said… Let there be Republican primaries!

∙ Pak PM: And what kind of strange clock is this? Is it a Cuckoo Clock? Does it tell the time?
General: No! This is a Coupcoup Clock. It tells you when your time is up!

∙ Q: And why do you want Independence?
Scot: I don’t know! The whole world seems to be asking for it!

© Sunil Rajguru