Aussie Mohali 3-0 musings…

· Dhawan: I replaced Sehwag.
Vijay: I displaced Gambhir.
Pujara: I’m the New Wall.
Kohli: I filled Dada’s void.
Dhoni: I’m in Laxman’s position.
Rahane (Looking at Sachin): Sigh! Mera number kab aayega?

· Mickey Arthur: What’s my homework?
Cricket Australia: Go home and get some other work. We need a new coach.

· Sound of Music: I am 16, going on 17…
Sound of Cricketing Music: We are 3-0, going on 4-0…

· And in other news, the ODI World Champions win their (almost) T20 match at Mohali.

· The Last Minute should be renamed as The Dhoni Minute.

· At this rate, all the Aussie bowlers will now refuse to do their homework in the hope of getting out of the Fourth Test.

· 1984: Mooche ho toh Nathulal jaisi ho warna naa ho.
2013: Mooche ho toh Shikhar Dhawan jaisi ho warna naa ho.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Consolidated Adelaide musings…

∙ Ricky Taunting India. Michael Clarke Kent (a.k.a Superman). Rahul “The Gate” Dravid. 99dulkar. Vir”Under” Sehwag. Dhakkan Fletcher. Kris SriCan’t. B (Don’t) See (Don’t) See I.

∙ The BCCI logic: Rohit Sharma is such a waste player! Forget scoring runs, he couldn’t even play a Test match! Drop him next time!

∙ After the 0-4 debacle in England the only person to be sacked was Harsha Bhogle from the anchor’s chair.
Who will they sack after 0-4 in Australia?

∙ Law of diminishing returns…
Test No. 1 ranking: Gone in 600 days.
Indian innings: Gone in 60 overs.
Opening partnership: Gone in 60 balls.
Indian Batsman: Gone in 60 seconds.

∙ Overheard…
Speaker: Can you deny the genocide the English committed on us?
Listener: No!
Speaker: Can you deny the genocide the Australians committed on us?
Listener: Eh??? Aussies in our freedom struggle?
Second Listener: He’s actually talking about cricket…

∙ If Cricket is our Religion, then the Australian tour is Blasphemy.

© Sunil Rajguru

WACA WACA Perth anarth musings…

Overheard…

∙ Laxman to Dravid-Tendulkar: Remember when we all played in Australia together for the first time in 1999! We lost 0-3. It seems like it happened just now.
Dravid to Laxman: Abbe it has happened just now! We have gone down 0-3! Wake up!

∙ Daadi 1: Suna hai Indian cricket team boori tarah se haari hai?
Daadi 2: Ab itna subah uthke keholge to yahi hoga na!

∙ Player: You know we used to have that problem against the second new ball?
Coach: Yes.
Player: Well we’ve sorted it out.
Coach: How?
Player: The innings doesn’t even last till the second new ball any more!

∙ Captain: Make it large!
Players: 0-4! Large enough for you?
Captain: 0-8 possible?
Players: Yes boss!

Headline headline on the wall…

Down Under Down Under… Torn Asunder Down Under… Blunder Down Under… Murder Down Under… Plunder Down Under… Surrender Down Under… Dumbfounder Down Under… Pretender Down Under… Tender Down Under… Hellbender Down Under… Sust Kalandar Down Under… Oh Brother! Down Under… Undertaker Down Under… Choker Down Under… Loose Character Down Under…

I have a dream… that one day…

…India will actually draw a match on foreign soil…
…Sachin will finally get his 100th international 100…
…Sehwag’s batting will actually make sense…
…an Indian quick will terrorize the opposition…
…England-Australia-South Africa-India will walk as equals…
…free at last… free at last… free at last… from all this nonsense…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Reference: Third India-Australia Test, Perth, January 13-15

What goes around, comes around…

Bowling coach (Before match): Remember, no matter what happens, don’t get injured!
Bowling coach (After match): But you had to take wickets too!

Indian fan to God: If Sachin doesn’t get his Mahashatak, then I don’t care what happens in the series!
Indian fan (Later): Err… that’s not what I meant!

Umpire: Here’s my finger!
Indian cricketer: Here’s mine too!

Indian fan: Go jump in the lake!
Indian management: Go jump in the kart!

First Indian fan: Imagine what Test cricket will be like once the Big 3 retires.
Second Indian fan: What’s there to imagine when we can see it so clearly!

Indian fan: I don’t care for cricket anymore!
Indian cricketer: Neither do I!

© Sunil Rajguru