December 2011 Status Updates

∙ Now they’ve started naming cyclones after places (Thane hitting Chennai).
It all started when Cyclone Ralegaon Siddhi wreaked havoc in New Delhi.

(December 31)

Lalla lalla lori, Lokpal ki katori,
Lokpal main phir addanga,
Anna karega tamasha…

(December 30)

∙ Abhishek Singhvi… power corrupts (UPA1) and absolute power corrupts absolutely (UPA2)…

(December 29)

∙ At times I think that the Lokpal is just a fictional character like Santa Claus and Superman.

∙ Bureaucrat gaddi pe baitha hua hai.
Lawyers Parliament main lad rahe hain.
Judges desh ka policy influence kar rahe hai.
Social Activists netagiri kar rahe hai.
Bhai logon, Bharat ke asal
politicians kahan hain?

∙ SRK: Low turnout at Ra.One!
BCCI: Low turnout at Tests!
Anna Hazare: Low turnout at my rally!
Ye sasure Indians kar kya rahe hain?

∙ Paper Tigers burning in the Aussie Agnipariksha.
Will this be the Ashes Duo Sequel?
0-4 with England. 0-4 with Australia.

∙ The Lokpal is a Pal of no Lok… sab pareshan hain… Government, Opposition, Team Anna…

(December 28)

∙Rajiv Gandhi: Hame dekhna hain… (What, god only knows)
Sonia Gandhi: Maine dekh liya hain… (BJP ka asli chehara after being in politics for 13 years)
Rahul Gandhi: Mujhe kuch dikhai nahin de raha hain (phir bhi main bole ja raha hu!)

If you are distressed by alarmist and confrontationist tones of Indian TV news channels, then just watch Doordarshan all day and you’ll find India peaceful.

Stop saying Parliament is Supreme!
The only thing Supreme in Parliament is Arrogance and Stupidity!

Shuru ho gaya TV ka ABC…
Anna Bollywood Cricket.

Sachin Mahashatak Question #79…
Q: What’s common to R Ashwin, Tino Mawoyo and Kirk Edwards?
A: None of them even debuted in Tests when Sachin scored his 99th century and all of them scored a Test 100 before Sachin’s 100th.

(December 26)

Dear PM,
Of course you are right. 2011 is the National Mathematical Year.
What can be more mathematical than Rs 1760000000000?

Abbe Diggy Raja, congReSS ka RSS hata ke dikha!

PM: I am giving Pranab Mukherjee the Troubleshooter of the Year Award.
Pranab: I would like to thank all my colleagues for creating so much trouble in the first place!

Meira Kumar desperately needs a mobile app by which the moment she raises her mobile to the mike, a recorded “Baith jaaiye! Baith jaaiye!” will automatically play.

(December 26)

They’ve apparently decided to merge two reality shows, Swayamwar and Lost, considering how much of a big boss Veena Malik has become in India.

Aaj ka Bharat…
Opposition: PC is guilty!
PC: I am innocent!
PM: PC’s statement is self-explanatory.
Congress spokesman: Next allegation please!

Jab tak sooraj chand rahega,
Lokpal tu ek bill hi rahega…

∙Non-stop Virus attacks on the PC and it is still not crashing!
(Note: The C in PC stands for Chidambaram)

∙ Looks like Sunil Gavaskar is one short of $100 million in his bank account.
Damn you BCCI for not giving him the “single” $1million and denying him his century!

(December 16)

∙ If you replaced Manmohan and Sonia with statues in the Lok Sabha, nobody would notice and it wouldn’t make any difference and the real duo could get down to some actual work outside.

(December 14)

∙ Quote: God loves those who die young.
Corollary: God simply hates most Indian politicians.

∙ Right now in India there’s an intellectual, financial and industrial recession.
In 2012, the UPA will probably have a full-blown United Political Anna-induced recession.

∙ New Kerala-TN theme song… Aaj dekhe zara kisme kitna hai Dam.

∙ Dear thief, Bhajji has already been dropped for the Aus tour. Why waste time stealing his passport?

∙ Sachin Mahashatak Obscure Fact #23…
Even the Capital of Delhi has hit a 100 before him…

(December 13)

∙ A new show is starting…
Kab Banega Crorepati?

∙ Before 1991, India wanted to be like Russia. Now Russia is increasingly becoming like India: Election rigging, allegations of a foreign hand, old leaders clinging to power, uncertainty in economic policy…

∙ Kapil Sibal finally succumbs to Hazare campaign.
Says: Main bhi Anna, UPA bhi Anna, aur saara (cyber)desh main raj kargega Anna (Big Brother).

∙ As his way of getting back, Kapil Sibal is planning to charge advance tax on all those spam lottery notifications you get in your inbox.

∙ Guys, stop celebrating Rajnikanth’s “birth”day!
Do you really think he was born?
He’s been around for ever, but just merely raised his head in 1950.

(December 12)

Ek Lawyer (Mahatma) ne is desh ki neev rakhi…
Ab ye sab
Lawyers milke hi us neev ko ukhaad ke desh ko barbaad karenge…

∙ The new Aussie Test Mantra…
Our bowlers are so good that we can get you 100 all down if we please,
And our batsmen are so bad that we can match the above score with ease…

(December 10)

∙ Yesterday was just a sau sau day for all of us…

(December 9)

∙ South (Africa) ki bajayi Sachin ne.
West (Indies) ki bajayi Sehwag ne.
England is in the North and Australia in the East.
(Just Thinking)

∙ Madhya Pradesh to be renamed Dohra Pradesh thanks to the only two ODI 200s on its soil.

∙ Wishlist to Sehwag from never-satisfied Indian fans.
Wanted…
First T20 Century.
Second ODI Double Century.
Third Test Triple Century.

∙ Why Facebook beats Twitter…
I can put 200 exclamation marks for Virender Sehwag’s ODI Double.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

∙ Double Sauwagh!

(December 8)

∙ The total number of Likes that we all have got over our anti-Sibal status messages, links and photographs is actually the number of Hates he has got. Is he listening?

∙ Cyberspace ka apparent motto…
Aaj anti-Sibal status messages laga lo, Kal ho na ho!

∙ Excited at the sudden spurt of generated content yesterday, Google has announced December 6 as Kapil Sibal Day!

(December 7)

∙ Sibal to Pawar: Thappad se dar nahin lagta sahab, status message se lagta hai!

∙ Kapil Sibal has just been re-designated as Minister for Misinformation Technology.
Diggy Raja is upset and now feels jobless.

∙ Advisor to Government: Stop complicating matters, use KISS (Keep it Stupid and Simple).
All hell breaks loose.
Government to advisor: Our mistake, we used Keep it Sibal and Simple…

∙ The Government has decided to junk the Lokpal Bill and come out with a Cyberlokpal Bill instead to arrest corruption of thoughts and ideas on Facebook and Twitter.

∙ It believes in Unilateral Police Action only and that’s why it’s called the UPA.

∙ Cyberspace is definitely the most unsibalized place on Earth, I tell you!

∙ Coming Soon… KS: A condom for the Internet!

(December 6)

Dam 999 review
The film that was a damp box office firecracker…
…but set the political waters on fire… Damn!

∙ Calypso Magic…
At 170/9, remove 1 from 170, so it becomes 169.
Now take that removed 1 and add it to the first digit of the score, so it becomes 269.
Final score: 269/9.
Magician: Ravi Rampaul, 86(66)@No. 10!

(December 2)

∙ Love 2 Hate U = Arjun Rampal saying Love 2 Love U to ALL celebrities.
Stupid Format of insulting unsuspecting and unprepared haters on TV.
Shows Celebrities in India are gutless and can’t face real competition.
This is just part of an Arjun PR Campaign for Celebrities.

∙ Looks like more people have read the Caravan review of Suhel Seth’s new book than have actually read the book…

(December 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

2011 Columns

12 misses of 2011
Lokpal, Mahashatak, Economy, FDI…
31 December, 2011, Sify.com

2011: The Year of the Common Person
People on the streets and cyberspace made the difference
28 December, 2011, Sify.com

Has Google been a one-trick wonder?
King in Search, pauper in everything else
26 December, 2011, Sify.com

2011: A scary year for media and social media
Leaders, politicians… they all hated the press
22 December, 2011, Sify.com

2011: India’s year of confrontation
Everyone seemed to be taking on someone else
20 December, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of tainted politicians
Indian leaders are totally into scams
19 December, 2011, Sify.com

7 reasons why general elections could take place in 2012
The Congress is well capable of toppling itself…
16 December, 2011, Sify.com

10 things that took a real beating in 2011…
Al-Qaeda, N-power, Einstein, Euro…
13 December, 2011, Sify.com

An Open Letter to Kapil Sibal
The IT Minister should understand the Net better
07 December, 2011, Sify.com

The Indian Not So Nobel Prizes of 2011…
The worst of the worst of the year
06 December, 2011, Sify.com

2011: The Year of The Obituary
There just have been to many celebrity deaths this year
04 December, 2011, Sify.com

Maybe it’s us and not the UPA that has changed!
The Congress on their part have been consistent
29 November, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of violent protests in India
We are a country increasingly on the edge
29 November, 2011, Sify.com

10 reasons why the Indian media is like that only…
Justice Katju was not very off the mark with his criticism
25 November, 2011, Sify.com

Only the Congress can defeat the Congress
The Government is scoring an own goal for 2014
18 November, 2011, Sify.com

An Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan
Despite Ra.One’s mediocrity…
8 November, 2011, Sify.com

Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger
Will China do a Kargil on India?
2 November, 2011, Sify.com

The Rotten Side of Apple
Elitist, Selfish, Anti-India, labour woes…
25 October, 2011, Sify.com

Prashant Bhushan: The man everyone loves to hate
His activism has affected quite a few Indians
18 October, 2011, Sify.com

What’s your problem, Digvijay Singh?
The man who always shoots off his mouth
14 October, 2011, Sify.com

How to post a Facebook status and attack an activist
The hitting of Prashant Bhushan got many Likes
12 October, 2011, Sify.com

5 sportsmen for the Bharat Ratna
Dhyan Chand is the first among equals
11 October, 2011, Sify.com

The Importance of being Subramanian Swamy
The most under-rated politician in India
10 October, 2011, Sify.com

Einstein, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs
Jobs touched our lives in many ways
06 October, 2011, Sify.com

Dear pilot, your wing is falling off!
And other horror tales of flying in India
30 September, 2011, Sify.com

You’re never too old to be Indian Prime Minister
Advani still aspires for the top job
23 September, 2011, Sify.com

Why Modi can still be PM one day
A lot has already changed in 2011
18 September, 2011, Sify.com

Us vs Them: Where Anna scored heavily
Politicians and the people live in different worlds
7 September, 2011, Sify.com

Why any kind of Lokpal is necessary
Anna critics should give us a credible alternative
4 September, 2011, Sify.com

1947 to now: India’s long road to empowerment
It really began in 1974 and Anna is merely the latest
2 September, 2011, Sify.com

The Anna revolution: Victory or defeat?
And is this the beginning of something bigger?
29 August, 2011, Sify.com

7 ways to end corruption in India…
No half-measures will get us out of this mess
22 August, 2011, Sify.com

Viva Anna! Long live the revolution!
The Indian War on Corruption finally begins
18 August, 2011, Sify.com

An Open Letter to the Congress Party…
…regarding the whole Anna Hazare issue…
16 August, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Indian sporting controversies
A for Awards, B for Badminton, C for…
31 July, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Scam India
A for Adarsh, B for Bofors, C for…
06 July, 2011, Sify.com

Will Nadal overshadow Federer by 2015?
He still has time to catch up and overtake…
04 July, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of the Lokpal “nautanki“…
A for Anna, B for Baba, C for Corruption, D for Diggy…
16 June, 2011, Sify.com

LSD to Pak: How to make monsters and slay them
No-one masters doublespeak like the Americans
10 June, 2011, Sify.com

Will 2011 ruin 2014 for Congress?
High on hubris, there’s arrogance all round
8 June, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of international terrorism
A for Al-Qaeda, B for Bilal Town, C for CIA, D for…
20 May, 2011, Sify.com

Congress CMs, On the Endangered Species List
The grand old party shrinks at the state level
16 May, 2011, Sify.com

Mamata, can you take on Naxalism?
A problem as old as Independent India
13 May, 2011, Sify.com

Is the Osama killing a success or a failure?
Coming 10 years late is not exactly par for the US
10 May, 2011, Sify.com

Osama’s death: Good timing, co-incidence or conspiracy?
Why all the flurry of activity 10-15 days before?
2 May, 2011, Sify.com

India’s long fight against corruption
Is it nothing but a futile war?
30 April, 2011, Sify.com

America’s problem with democracy…and India
Great on the inside, but…
20 April, 2011, Sify.com

Change begins in Maharashtra
Anna Hazare is the latest hero from this great state
15 April, 2011, Sify.com

Tatas vs A Raja: India’s corruption gap
India’s Corruption Class rules the roost
13 April, 2011, Sify.com

Do we Indians actually want corruption?
Millions are OK with the black market economy
25 March, 2011, Sify.com

Will you allow a nuclear plant in your backyard?
India and the nuclear power boom
14 March, 2011, Sify.com

Is world leadership at its worst today?
It’s not just the Arab world…
24 February, 2011, Sify.com

Revolution in Egypt? Not again!
A look at the country’s 3rd in a century…
18 February, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of the 2G scam…
All you wanted to know about India’s biggest scandal
03 January, 2011, Sify.com

2010 Columns

July to December 2011 Cricket Columns

Does another whitewash loom on the horizon?
Indians Melbourne crash doesn’t augur well
30 December, 2011, Sify.com

The year of slaying cricketing Goliaths
2011 wasn’t good news if you were a champion
21 December, 2011, Sify.com

Open letter to the ICC regarding the Sehwag menace
From the Royal Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Bowlers
09 December, 2011, Sify.com

A tribute to Indian cricket’s ailing Prince
Here’s hoping that Yuvraj Singh is back soon
28 November, 2011, Sify.com

World cricket is swinging like a pendulum
Get thrashed in one series and thrash in another
27 November, 2011, Sify.com

World champions of entertainment!
The Aussies still give us great Tests
22 November, 2011, Sify.com

Kambli’s fixing allegations – Pure rubbish!
A look at why what he says makes no sense
18 November, 2011, Sify.com

Good ole days are here again…
with our 2-0 lead with the Windies
17 November, 2011, Sify.com

A great Test for us, but a disaster for the ICC
The Aus-SA Newlands Test was over in 2 odd days…
11 November, 2011, Sify.com

India’s new spin twins
Pragyan Ojha and R Ashwin are a threat to Bhajji
09 November, 2011, Sify.com

The A to Z of Controversial Cricketers
The number of players involved is astonishing…
04 November, 2011, Sify.com

Is Dhoni the world’s greatest finisher?
How he compares with the likes of Bevan…
27 October, 2011, Sify.com

Overconfident England meet their Waterloo in India
Their tough journey has just begun
21 October, 2011, Sify.com

Is Shoaib sensational or mundane?
And other snippets from Indian cricket
07 October, 2011, Sify.com

10 change-makers: From Pataudi to Dhoni
Indian cricket has a lot to thank them for
26 September, 2011, Sify.com

Rahul Dravid passed the ODI test too
The highs of the Wall in the 50-over format
16 September, 2011, Sify.com

The Revival Man of Indian cricket
Dhoni may still lead a Test resurgence
16 September, 2011, Sify.com

All Star XI vs All Fit XI
The BCCI always squeezes the Indian lemon dry
13 September, 2011, Sify.com

India goes totally bust after eight long years
What needs to be done is of paramount importance
14 August, 2011, Sify.com

An era ends for India’s greatest overseas Test player
Rahul Dravid held a rare record for 15 years
05 August, 2011, Sify.com

India vs England: What went wrong
It’s rare for India to trail 0-2 in Tests
02 August, 2011, Sify.com

England’s gifts to the game of cricket
More than 300 years of innovation…
15 July, 2011, Sify.com

India’s biggest test after the World Cup
But we have the momentum in the England series
15 July, 2011, Sify.com

The good, the bad and the ugly in West Indies
Is the glass half full or half empty?
12 July, 2011, Sify.com

Another one bites the dust!
India and its off-field battles
01 July, 2011, Sify.com

January to June 2011 Columns

July to December 2010 Columns

February to June 2010 Columns