Edgbaston Musings…

Same country-coach jinx…
Under New Zealander John Wright, India never beat New Zealand in a Test Series.
Under Australian Greg Chappell India never beat Australia in a Test series*.
Under South African Gary Kirsten, India never beat South Africa in a Test series
Under Zimbabwean Duncan Fletcher, with the way we are playing right now, we might never even beat Zimbabwe in a Test series!

First the England Tail was better than Indian Batting.
Now even the Indian Tail is better than Indian Batting.
Best batting line-up in the world?
Tall Tale!

Whenever the Little Master nears a landmark, we have a string of nervous failures.
After the Landmark, we have a flurry of confident centuries.
How many Landmarks does a man need, before he looks at just the team scoreboard?

If India do lose 0-4, someone should burn the bails and make a New India Ashes.

(*While India never met Australia in a Test series when Chappell was in-charge, we were thrashed by 337 runs in the only Test we played the year he quit.)

(Reference: India-England cricket Test match at Edgbaston from August 10-14)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian states then and now…

2001: Don’t you dare do a Bihar!
2011: Why don’t you do a Bihar?

1955: I feel as special as Kashmir.
2011: I feel as tired and weary as Kashmir.

1989: The Congress is destroying Uttar Pradesh.
1999: The BJP is destroying Uttar Pradesh.
2007: Mulayam Singh Yadav is destroying Uttar Pradesh.
2011: Mayawati is destroying Uttar Pradesh.
2012: Who will destroy Uttar Pradesh?

1957, 67, 69, 70, 78, 80, 87, 96, 2006: Kerala is being “Left” behind.
1962, 77, 81, 91, 2001, 11: Kerala is being left behind thanks to the Congress.

2010: May you last as long as the West Bengal Communist government.
2011: May you not be forgotten the way the West Bengal Communist government was.

© Sunil Rajguru

Old Manmohan had a farm…

(Please sing to the tune of “Old MacDonald had a farm”)

Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o,
And on that farm he had some Telecos, ee-i-ee-i-o,
With a scam scam here and a scam there,
Here a scam, there a scam, everywhere a scam scam,
Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o.

Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o,
And on that farm he had some Games, ee-i-ee-i-o,
With a scam scam here and a scam there,
Here a scam, there a scam, everywhere a scam scam,
Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o.

Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o,
And on that farm he had some Land, ee-i-ee-i-o,
With a scam scam here and a scam there,
Here a scam, there a scam, everywhere a scam scam,
Old Manmohan had a farm, ee-i-ee-i-o.

(Funny how everything makes the same ole sound in clean and honest Manmohan’s beleagured farm!)

This version by Sunil Rajguru

A short skit on India’s debacle in England…

Class Teacher Duncan Fletcher aaya…

Students ka haal poocha…

Sehwag: Mere kandhe main dard hai.

Gambhir: Mera haath sujha hua hai.

Zaheer: Mera pair dukh raha hai.

Bhajji: Mere pet main dard hai.

Yuvi: Abhi to main bimari se nikla hu!

Mukund: Main naya hu, kuch samajh main nahin aata.

Ishant-Sreesanth: Itna kabhi bhaage nahin life main, hume rest do.

Raina: Ye sab dekh ke mujhe headache ho raha hai!

Class monitor Dhoni: Mera poora class hi thaka hua hai to main kya karu! Aaj kal mera bhi man hi nahin lagta routine matches main.

Headmaster Shashank Manohar: Naacho! Aur zor se naacho! Naach mere bublbul-o to paise milega, to paise milega…

© Sunil Rajguru

More Trent Bridge Musings…

Bhajji ko series main itne saare runs khaake hajam nahin hua isiliye fourth day ko stomach upset tha.

∙ Tendulkar Mahashatak Trivia No. 23: The bowlers purposely leaked runs to ensure that Sachin would get a large enough target to score his 100th international hundred.

∙ If we lose this Test then Rahul might just gain Sachin’s iconic status. Some may say: We lose every time Dravid scores a century.

∙ Bad performance Reason No. 24: Duncan Fletcher has spent so much time with the English cricket team that he speaks like them. The Indian players sub-consciously think that the enemy is speaking to them and don’t listen to him.

∙ Bad performance Reason No. 27: The Indian cricketers body clock is still set to IST and that’s why they play well till tea after which its bedtime for most. Either that or the English tea simply doesn’t suit them.

∙ If the Indian cricket team were an animal then it would be one with a great body and a lousy tail.

(Reference: India-England cricket Test match at Trent Bridge from July 29-August 2)

© Sunil Rajguru