Slogan for the current agitation…
Beware governments, Big Brother (Anna) is watching you!
Nowadays the ABC of News is just: Anna, Bollywood & Cricket
Overheard…
Congress leader: Come here fast, it’s an emergency!
Wife: What!
Congress leader: No, that’s not what I meant!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Yesterday: Bharat main bhrasht log masti se khana kha rahe hain, aur kitne log bhookhe hai!
Today: Tihar Jail main Kalmadi-Raja kha rahe hai, aur Anna sahab bhookhe hai.
Overheard…
One Congress party worker to another: What to do, there is total Annarchy in the land and all our political leaders have failed in their political Annalysis!
Theater of the Absurd…
To express solidarity with their party, the Congress Canteen has banned mosaranna (curd rice); the Congress Library has banned Anna Karenina and the Congress Cashiers have banned aathanna (50 paise) coins!
The sequels…
Sonia Gandhi is projected as Indira Gandhi II.
Rahul Gandhi will be projected as Rajiv Gandhi II.
Some people were trying to project Anna Hazare as Jayaprakash Narayan II, but the Congress have turned him into Mahatma Gandhi II.
The UPA is heading towards Emergency II.
Right now the toughest question of 2011 is: Who will get the Worst Congress Spokesperson of the Year Award?
At this rate, the State will have to impose Section 144 in the whole country.
Government to Anna: Listen to us or go back to your land of birth and agitate there!
Me to Government: By that logic: I was born next to Race Course Road in New Delhi, so can I go and agitate there?
© Sunil Rajguru
Ever since Anna Hazare has threatened to do an anshan (fast, more accurately “hunger strike”) things have changed so much that a brand new “Fast” terminology is required…
Fast: The first step towards committing suicide. And since the State loves you so much and doesn’t want you to die, you will be dumped in jail with other people who have much lesser crimes like swindling the nation of Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Fast Food: Doesn’t exist, since when Anna does a fast, he really doesn’t eat.
Fastophobia: The State’s irrational fear of fasts by which it behaves in a strange manner as seen by the weird statements coming out of the mouths of spokespersons who apparently have very little Oxygen in their brains brought about by fasting for long periods, since they get no time to eat due to all the non-stop press conferences to counter fast politics.
Fastspeak: An Orwellian form of doublespeak recently mastered by a party which remembers the Emergency era with acute fondness.
Fast Reactions: Silly reactions made in haste to counter the fast-changing situation brought about by fastophobia, as above.
Fast Politics: Politics brought about by one old man’s fast and millions of people protesting through the streets or fast changing statuses on social networking sites. In essence it means any government’s inability to deal with a fast moving situation.
Anna: The word for food in India. Now if Anna refuses to eat anna, the very concept is confusing enough to make the State’s head spin.
© Sunil Rajguru
Scene 1: Somewhere in fascist India.
Anna: Hum yahan ek Tahrir Square type revolution layenge!
Sarkar: Pahale hum aapko squarely Tihar Jail main daalenge. Wahan chakki peeste (revolution karte) rahana!
Scene 2: Tihar Jail.
Anna: Aap yahan kis liye aaye hai?
Kalmadi: Corruption. Aur aap?
Anna: Anti-corruption.
Epilogue.
The Congress now believe in the Chinese higher philosophy of “Unity of Opposites”.
Tihar Jail will now have two wings. One will be called the Corruption Cell. The other will be called the Anti-corruption Cell.
Post Script.
So we finally get our own Tahrir Square, though it looks as big as India right now!
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ Anna to Congress: Jitni shaurat mujhe pachas saal main nahin mili, us-se bhi jyaada shaurat aapne mujhe pachas ghante main de di!
∙ Overheard…
One Indian cricket player to another: Thank god ye Anna-Congress war shuru hua hain, saare TV news channels hame bhool hi gaye!
∙ The ABCD of name calling…
A Company: Anna Hazare & Co.
B Company: Baba Ramdev & Co.
C Company: Congress & Spokesmen.
D Company: Dawood & Co.
∙ Ye solah aane sach hai ki ye chaar aane ki sarkar hai, ye sirf ek Anna ne sidh kar diya.
∙ On the eve of Independence Day, the Congress has declared Independence from Anna Hazare.
∙ Jab bhi Anna Hazare fast pe jaate hai, Congress leader bhai logon ke pet main choohe daudne lagte hai.
© Sunil Rajguru
Dear Government,
May I go on an indefinite fast in a public place to destablise your government?
Warm regards,
Anna
Dear Anna,
Of course you may not! Get out in three days.
Warm regards,
Police
Dear Manmohan,
Why are you silent? The police is giving me permission only for three days!
Warm regards,
Anna
Dear Anna,
What is this? A police state? Don’t bother me. Go ask the police!
Warm regards,
Manmohan
Dear Pratibha,
With BSY gone I am totally bored and have nothing to do and no one to write to. Kindly advise.
Warm regards,
Hansraj
Dear Hansraj,
I have just one word to say to you.
Sadanand.
Now get back to work!
Warm regards,
Pratibha
Dear Manmohan,
Chidambaram is getting on my nerves.
Warm regards,
Narendra
Dear Narendra,
As of now every UPA minister and spokesperson is getting on everyone’s nerves. What do you expect me to do? Just keep quiet like me and all your problems will vanish. Stop wasting your time with all these silly letters all of you!
Warm regards,
Manmohan
Dear Government,
I must say that you are really corrupt and dictatorial!
Warm regards,
Anna
Dear Anna,
Same to you! You are also corrupt and dictatorial.
Warm regards,
Government
P.S. Happy Independence Day! Please go and eat some yummy shrikhand puri on that day and after that just go to sleep, you old Marathi manoos!
© Sunil Rajguru