Ever since Anna Hazare has threatened to do an anshan (fast, more accurately “hunger strike”) things have changed so much that a brand new “Fast” terminology is required…

Fast: The first step towards committing suicide. And since the State loves you so much and doesn’t want you to die, you will be dumped in jail with other people who have much lesser crimes like swindling the nation of Rs 1.76 lakh crore.

Fast Food: Doesn’t exist, since when Anna does a fast, he really doesn’t eat.

Fastophobia: The State’s irrational fear of fasts by which it behaves in a strange manner as seen by the weird statements coming out of the mouths of spokespersons who apparently have very little Oxygen in their brains brought about by fasting for long periods, since they get no time to eat due to all the non-stop press conferences to counter fast politics.

Fastspeak: An Orwellian form of doublespeak recently mastered by a party which remembers the Emergency era with acute fondness.

Fast Reactions: Silly reactions made in haste to counter the fast-changing situation brought about by fastophobia, as above.

Fast Politics: Politics brought about by one old man’s fast and millions of people protesting through the streets or fast changing statuses on social networking sites. In essence it means any government’s inability to deal with a fast moving situation.

Anna: The word for food in India. Now if Anna refuses to eat anna, the very concept is confusing enough to make the State’s head spin.

© Sunil Rajguru