Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 14

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Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
FDI.
FDI who?
F*** D Idea! Retail will be swadeshi and we will protest, stall parliament, have dharnas and the like even if we are the BJP and we had thought of exactly the same thing when we were in power!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now another fast is on the cards in December. After August Kranti, will we have a December Dhamaka or a Damp Squib?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Windies.
Windies who?
Win these close ones on a regular basis Team India and we’ll all have a regular case of nerves.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
NATO.
NATO who?
Na to your apology says Pakistan over the deathly strike!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

In August, Anna had said… I’ll be back…

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After the Fellowship of the Team Anna and The Two Fasts, we are looking at the Return of the Hunger King in December when Mr Hazare Goes to Delhi (the Sin City) to complete the Lord of the Fastings trilogy. But will Anna show True Grit and be The Rock or will he simply continue to call the government Liar Liar? The Congress on its part will look at Team Anna and say Look Who’s Talking!, continuing to call it the Enemy of the State.

What Lies Beneath the news? There will no point in Switching Channels as all of them will show the same ole Fight Club and The Social Network will be abuzz again with activity. The common man, meanwhile, is increasingly bent on showing his Fist of Fury.

But still, The Tihar Redemption looks unlikely and the UPA won’t rely on Transformers or go in for a new Avatar. It’s all badly Tangled:  The UPA could well sink like the Titanic The Day After Tomorrow in 2012. So all in all it does appear a Mission: Impossible.

India is all about Eat Pray Love? Come December and it could well only be Fast Swear Hate.

Bonus…

More Hollywood ways of looking at the April-August-December (if it takes place) fasts…

The Anna Identity. The Anna Supremacy. The Anna Ultimatum. (Bourne)

Anna. Anna Reloaded. Anna Revolutions. (Matrix)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why this Kolaveri (me)Di(ocrity)?

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Why this Kolaveri Kolaveri (me)Di(ocrity)?
Why this Kolaveri downright (me)Di(ocrity)?
In the glorious land of Ilaiyaraaja and Rehman, why this monstrosity?
What if this dude was not from Rajni Sir’s family—but from anonymity?
Would he still have got this same nationwide acceptability?
Anyway, forget it… I know I’m just in a miniscule minority…

White skin-u, girl-u with black heart-u very politically correct-u I tell-u,
Indian music-u future really dark-u, going in reverse-u, in total soup-u,
What a beautiful-u storm-u in a tea-cup-u!
Or maybe the whole country is drunk-u on scotch-u,
Welcome to cyberspace-u, just be really good-u or be atrociously bad-u,
And you can as well-u get-u ten million hits-u,
Just like Rebecca Black and her Friday with her 167 million hits-u…

This Faalt-u Spoof-u by Sunil Rajgur-u

News in Limericks 6

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There was this fearless journalist in Iraq,
Who hurled a shoe at a US Presidential chap,
It inspired attacks on Jindal, Chiddu and Yeddy,
Then on Advani, Omar, Kalmadi and Dwivedi,
And now shoeing has morphed into one tight slap!

There were these people Waiting for the God,
To complete the most divinest cricketing plot,
Then it went amiss and came many a miss,
Heartbreakingly in the 90s a bowler did dismiss,
And now it looks like we’re Waiting for Godot!

There was this terrorist called Kasab,
Who in Indian jails had many a kebab,
The demands never stopped,
And endless days got docked,
Aur ab us par paise kharch karne ka na koi hisaab!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

With allies like these…

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Pakistan is the drug addict. America is the drug.
Pak knows that the US is destroying it, but can’t do without it.
Or…
America is the drug addict. Pakistan is the drug.
The US knows that Pak is destroying it, but can’t do without it.
Whatever!

The US-Pak Barney song

Please sing to the tune of Barney…

I hate you,
You hate me,
We’re an alleged happy family,
With a great big deception,
And a threat from me to you,
Won’t you say you hate me too?

An old one…
US-Pak ties are like a terribly failed marriage where both parties are petrified of divorce.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The Sachin Tendulkar “99To100 Era”…

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So much time is passing between Sachin’s 99 and 100th international century, that we can now officially call it the “99To100 Era”.

Let’s take a look at the earth-shattering events have already taken place in this Era so far…

India wins World Cup after 28 years… Osama finally captured and killed… Gaddafi toppled and killed after 42 years… Left rule ends in West Bengal after 34 years… Anna Hazare Lokpal Revolution… Djokovic becomes No. 1 to end Federer-Nadal Era … F1 comes to India… Amitabh becomes grandfather… Will-Kat wedding… Indian bowler takes fiver and scores century in Test after 40 years… The following people pass away… Sathya Sai Baba, Steve Jobs, MAK Pataudi, Jagjit Singh, Bhupen Hazarika, Shammi Kapoor, Joe Frazier, MF Hussain, Elizabeth Taylor, Amy Winehouse, Suresh Tendulkar…

Sachin Mahashatak Misses #16 & #17
Fact of the day: There have been close to 75 international centuries after Sachin Tendulkar scored his 99th international century.
Thought of the day: Will Sachin at least hit the world’s 100th international century after his own 99th?

Sidelight of India-West Indies Third Test at Wankhede Stadium:

The amazing consistency of R Ashwin…
Day 4: Hum match haar rahe hain!
Ashwin: Don’t worry main draw karata hu…
Day 5: Hum match jeet rahe hain!
Ashwin: Don’t worry main draw karata hu…

© Sunil Rajguru