Category Archives: Short Takes

General cricketing musings…

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Champs for 10 years and counting…
2007-09—T20 World Champs.
2009-11—Test World Champs.
2011-15—ODI World Champs.
2013-17—Defenders of Champions Trophy.
Pakistan.
Shortest T20 Champions 2009-10: 329 days.
Shortest Test champions in 2016: 42 days.

Have you seen the Rocky series?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: No I am busy creating the Ronchi series.
There’s already Ronchi 1, 2, 3 and 4.
I am looking forward to Ronchi 5 in the next match.

When he comes in to bat.
JadejAA.
When he takes a wicket.
JadeJAA.
#IndVsNZ

ICC Test No. 1 rankings began in 2003.
Ganguly-Dravid-Kumble couldn’t take us past No. 3.
Now both Dhoni and Kohli have taken us to No. 1.

Our bowlers carry our #SurgicalStrikes against Kiwi batting and Pakistan loses the ICC Test rankings No. 1 battle to India.
#IndVsNZ
Headline…
MS Dhoni Biopic makes Rs 66 crore in first weekend.
All I see is Dhoni and 6 6. Makes perfect sense!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More musings of meaningless Communism…

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Synonyms for Communist…
Socialist.
Leftist.
Liberal.
Intellectual.
Secular.
NGO.
MSM.
US Democrat.
UK Labour.
Indian Congress.
AAP.
#AdarshLiberal.

There is no such thing as Left and Right.
Communism doesn’t have a single benefit.
Capitalism has many benefits.
Totally fake parity.

Industrial Revolution of 1760 still powers the world.
Communist Revolution of 1848 is yet to benefit even one country.
Commies mask this by calling it “Left” and “Right”.

There is no such thing as Left and Right.
Communism is a destructive killer.
Capitalism is all you’ve currently got.
Capitalism = Centre.
Communism = Outside the circle.

Dear Karl Marx,
Jab tak JNU, Cuba aur North Korea rahega,
Tab tak tera naam rahega.
Sooraj aur chand gaye tel lene.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

September 2016 Status Updates

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Sehwag on the commentary bench.
Gambhir on Team India bench.
#IndVsNZ #EdenGardens

(September 30)

Mainstream media’s name has become mud.
Call it maindirtystream media.
#MSMvsSM

(September 29)

SRK…

Release Raees at Id.
Sir, Sultan!
OK, Aug 15.
Sir, Rustom-Hrithik.
OK, Diwali.
Sir, Shivaay.
OK, Christmas.
Sir, Dangal.
OK Republic Day.
Sir, hit!
Raj Thackeray: RD pe Pakistani actress?

(September 25)

#BangaloreStudents
April-May: Summer Vacations.
July: Transport Bandh Vacations.
September: Cauvery Vacations.
October: Dussehra Vacations.
December: Christmas Vacatio

(September 22)

SRK Fandom Awards for his biggest fans?
Really?
After Shah Rukh Khan killed his biggest fan with his bare hands in his last movie?

(September 21)

If Modi wins in 2019, then in 2020 we will still be discussing UPA corruption.
#EmbraerScam

(September 14)

Number of Rs 100 crore films for certain actors…
Riteish Deshmukh = 4.
Abhishek Bachchan = 4.
Aamir Khan = 4.
Hrithik Roshan = 3.
Ranbir Kapoor = 2.
Saif Ali Khan = 1.
Shahid Kapoor = 0.

(September 13)

PoK = Pakistan occupied Kashmir.
PoB = Pakistan occupied Balochistan.
CoK = China occupied Kashmir. (Aksai Chin)
CoT = China occupied Tibet.

Front Page headline…
Girl sits on fast for toilets in her village.
(Details Page 5)
Flips the pages and comes to Page 5 in 30 seconds to see headline…
Girl calls off hunger strike as officials promise toilets in her village in a week.
Methinks: Wow, that was pretty fast!

(September 8)

Pakistan cricket continues to live in the extremes.
Tests: Best ever No. 1
ODIs: Worst ever No. 9.
Simultaneously.

(September 5)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

 

Engaging Pak over Kashmir…

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Pak began Kashmir terror group policy 9 years before they officially became a nuclear power. A year after they lost a war.
N-threat is irrelevant, India’s tolerance the key.

The two biggest stakeholders of the Pakistani Army are America and terrorist groups.
The government is a mute spectator.
Who will you talk to?

Kashmir has already destroyed Pakistan and hasn’t even realized it and still claims Kashmir.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the #IndianArmy crossed the #LoC into #PoK and did a #SurgicalStrike

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If Pak terrorists can cross LoC/LAC regularly and come here during peace, why can’t Indian soldiers cross regularly and go there?
Took us 69 years to realize this.

Dear Pakistan,
You can’t ban all Indian products.
Pakistan itself is a product of India.

#Bharat ki #MannKiBaat Pakistan edition launched yesterday.

Pak Defence Minister.
Day 1: We will nuke India.
Day 2: India does surgical strike.
Day 3: Next time we will show you.

Pak: We will complain to the UN.

India: That India entered occupied Indian territory and destroyed terror camps? OK. Go ahead.
Pak: Errr… Ummm…

Pakistan has been waging/threatening war for 69 years, doing terror attacks for 27 years, threatening nukes for 17 years.
India still only reacts.

#SwachhBharat campaign extending to PoK is valid because PoK is actually part of Bharat.

You can do one more Mumbai and you may lose Balochistan.
—Ajit Doval.
Turn. Turn. Turn. The wheels, they are a turning.

Modi: Let’s have a battle over poverty.
Pak Army: LOL! Chalo so jao shaan se.
After #SurgicalStrike
Pak Army: O teri! Ye kya hua!

In 1947 J&K was headed for independence, but Pak stupidity placed it in India’s lap.
In 1971 Pak stupidity created Bangladesh.
Current stupidity laying grounds for an Independent Balochistan.

Modi Bhai M.B.B.S.
#SurgicalStrike

Pakistan: We do not accept the LoC.
Indian Army: OK. No problem. We too. Here we come.
#SurgicalStrike

Sharif: Hum iski kadi ninda karte hai.
#SurgicalStrike

Maine #SurgicalStrike kiya
#SurgicalStrike kiya to darna kya
#SurgicalStrike to hona hi tha
#SurgicalStrike Karne Wale Kabhi Kam Na Honge
#SurgicalStrike Kiye Jaa
Kaho Na #SurgicalStrike Hai…
Aao #SurgicalStrike Kare
#SurgicalStrike Hua Chori Chori

Pakistan has been attacking India non-stop from 1947-2016.
The only difference is that sometimes India responds and sometimes it doesn’t.

Pakistan: Mere paas China hai, Amreeka hai, dher saare nukes hai, unaccountable Army hai, tere paas kya hai?
India: We did a #SurgicalStrike while you were speaking.

Iran firing at Pakistan is a case of bahati Ganga main haath dho lo.
#SurgicalStrike

India planning to make Pakistan Most Favoured Nation (for counter-terrorism surgical strikes).

Yesterday.
Pakistan: We will do terrorism.
India: We will ban falana dimkhaana.
Today.
India: We will do counter-terrorism.
Pakistan: We will ban Dhoni film.

It’s called surgical strike because India is the surgeon and Pakistan is the severely ill patient.

Modi’s Peace Doctrine is tougher than some war doctrines.
We didn’t cross LoC even during Kargil War.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan problem musings…

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Pakistani obsessions…
P – Punjab
A – Army
K – Kashmir
I – ISI
S – Suicide attacks
T – Terrorists
A – America
N – Nukes

SAARC to be disbanded for SAARCEP.
South Asian Association for Regional Cooperation Excluding Pakistan.
Pakistan will launch SAARK.
Sole Asian Association for Raising Kashmir.

How we should react…
US—Solve problems only by diplomacy!
India—Abbe bewde—kab tak tu ek terrorist state ko itna arms + money deta rahega? Diplomacy gayi tele lene!

The problem…
Bharat baatcheet karta raha aur Pakistan baat-cheat karta raha

Pakistan: Hum jung ladenge!
India: Arre aap kya jung ladenge? Aap pe to jang laga hua hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru