Failure is not a word in the UPA dictionary

There is no power failure.
I never had power in the first place!
—Manmohan Singh.

There is no intelligence failure.
We never had intelligence in the first place!
—P Chidambaram.

There is no financial failure.
You are looking at White, while Black is booming!
—Pranab Mukherjee.

There is no tolerance failure.
We are tolerating all you idiotic citizens, aren’t we?
—Manish Tewari.

There is no governance failure.
All the scams are hereby declared Zero Loss.
—Kapil Sibal.

There is no foreign affairs failure.
Only Pakistan is a failed state.
—SM Krishna.

There is no power failure.
Black is the new industry standard.
—Sushil Kumar Shinde

There is no failure.
(That’s merely another name for the RSS).
—Digvijay Singh.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

July 2012 Status Updates

∙ Overheard…
Manmohan Singh: Kamse kam tum logo ka power waapis to aayega! Mera power cut to permanent hai!

∙ Zero Loss Sibal gets his match in Zero Power Loss Tewari.

∙ India has officially entered the Dark Age… Black Money, Blackouts and Black hearts are the order of the day.

(July 31)

∙ Anna is “fast” losing support in this country.

(July 25)

∙ Election of a President.
When you add an S (Sonia) to it, it is nothing but…
Selection of a President.

(July 24)

∙ Today the IPL resumes: IndoLanka Perennial League.

(July 21)

∙ No. 1 is White Money. No. 2 is Black.
And they say Rahul Gandhi is No. 2 in Congress.

(July 19)

∙ Cricket + Politics = Cocktail
Cricket + Politics + Pak = Molotov Cocktail

(July 16)

∙ Fed(is.no)ex!

(July 9)

∙ Bose… Boson.
So if a Mr More discovers a subatomic particle, we’ll finally have a Moron?

(July 7)

∙ Particles have antiparticles.
So is the antiparticle of the God particle the Devil particle?
Over to you CERN.

(July 5)

∙ You can find God in whatever you look, even in a particle.

Bhagwan nahin mila, par kam se kam bhagwan ka tukda to mila!
(God particle)

(July 4)

∙ New election symbols in UP…
SP: Car.
BSP: Maya’s statue.
BJP: Wilted lotus.
Cong: Thumbs down hand.

∙ Lady Gaga is the smartest celebrity.
I’m sure she goes out of her house in normal clothes regularly and nobody recognizes her.

∙ It had become LinkedIntoTwitter.
Now it’s back to being LinkedIn.

∙ A Kingfisher bird strikes in the water.
A Kingfisher plane strikes in the air.
(Note: Both strikes have different meanings.)

(July 3)

∙ No relationship comes with an expiry date.
Unless you’re Tom Cruise… then it’s 33.

∙ The reign in Spain stays mainly on the football plain.

(July 2)

∙ Everyone apes TOI. TOI apes The Hindu.
At Independence, The Hindu carried only ads on the Front page.
Now in 2012, TOI does that regularly.

(July 1)

© Sunil Rajguru