How Modi lost debates with every single Congress leader…

First candidate: Manmohan Singh.

Modi: Question 1…
MMS: Madam se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Question 2…
MMS: Pappu se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Questions 3 to 1002.
MMS: Hazaron jawabon se achhi hai meri khaamoshi.
Modi: I give up!

Candidate 2: Salman Khurshid.

Modi: When I become Prime Minister tomorrow…
Khurshid: Forget tomorrow, I will make your Modi Today as Modi Yesterday.
Modi: When I come to Delhi…
Khurshid: Come to Delhi, but how will you go back?
Modi: That’s the idea, I’ll stay there!
Khurshid: Aaye Delhi par naa jaaye Delhi se to jeet to meri hi hui na?
Modi: Facepalm.

Candidate 3: Pappu.

Modi: Gujarat is a…
Pappu: Beehive!
Modi: When I become PM…
Pappu: Not happening man!
Modi: OK, tell me what you will do when you become PM?
Pappu: But I don’t want to be PM.
Modi: Then what are you doing here?
Pappu: I don’t know, you called me!
Modi: Arrrggghhhh!!!!

Candidate 4: Sonia.

Modi monologues for more than an hour.
Sonia’s secretary: Under RTI, Sonia cannot reveal anything to you. Goodbye!
Modi… speechless…

Candidate 5: Kapil Sibal.

Modi: Gujarat development…. blah blah blah… statistics and figures… blah blah blah… examples and anecdotes… blah blah blah… phew! I’m tired.
Sibal: Into Zero. Everything you have said is zero and hence the Congress party has suffered Zero Loss in this debate. I win. Bye!
Modi: What the…

Candidate 6: Shashi Tharoor.

Modi: 50 crore girlfriend!
Tharoor: She is priceless!
Modi: I have developed thousands of crores blah blah blah…
Tharoor: My contribution is priceless!
Modi: I have great love for this country.
Tharoor: My love is priceless!
Modi: Thanks to the Congress India has lost thousands of crores of Rupees.
Tharoor: But India is priceless! If you take away thousands of crores from something that is priceless, it remains priceless!

Candidate 7: Jairam Ramesh.

Modi: Development…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Growth rate…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Congress has ruined…
Ramesh: Fascist!
(Modi to himself: This reminds me of my debate with the mainstream media. Yahan kuch nahin ho sakta.)

Candidate 8: Manish Tewari.

Tewari: Holistic… moral… fascist… dictatorial… Nazi… holistic… empowerment… holistic…
Modi: Bhaaago!!!! Isko koi dus second bhi kaise jhel sakta hai, bhagwaan jaane!

Candidate 9: Diggy Raja.

Diggy: 2002!
Modi: 1984!
Diggy: Yes, 1984 was orchestrated by RSS, so I lead 2-0!
Modi: Economy!
Diggy: Actually ruined by the RSS’ influence on the makhauta that was Vajpayee from 1998-2004.
Modi: Pakistan, China, scams, Vadra, arrogance…
Diggy: All RSS!
Modi: What do I have to do to get a proper debate out of you without you mentioning the RSS?
Diggy: Travel back in time and don’t join the RSS!
Modi: Tu jeeta. Absolutely no-one can counter your RSS*!
(*=Really Stupid Statements)

Candidate 10: Renuka Chowdhury.

Modi speaks for an hour and all that while Renuka in turns looks away, looks haughtily, looks bored, looks at Modi with great disgust…
At the end of Modi’s monologue he looks at her and says: Your turn.
Renuka remarks: Main kya koi tota hu kya, ki Modi ne bola bol aur main bolu? Bye!

Candidate 11: AK Antony

Antony comes, looks at Modi and says: This is not Modi, but someone dressed as Modi, so I am walking out…

© Sunil Rajguru

July 2012 Status Updates

∙ Overheard…
Manmohan Singh: Kamse kam tum logo ka power waapis to aayega! Mera power cut to permanent hai!

∙ Zero Loss Sibal gets his match in Zero Power Loss Tewari.

∙ India has officially entered the Dark Age… Black Money, Blackouts and Black hearts are the order of the day.

(July 31)

∙ Anna is “fast” losing support in this country.

(July 25)

∙ Election of a President.
When you add an S (Sonia) to it, it is nothing but…
Selection of a President.

(July 24)

∙ Today the IPL resumes: IndoLanka Perennial League.

(July 21)

∙ No. 1 is White Money. No. 2 is Black.
And they say Rahul Gandhi is No. 2 in Congress.

(July 19)

∙ Cricket + Politics = Cocktail
Cricket + Politics + Pak = Molotov Cocktail

(July 16)

∙ Fed(!

(July 9)

∙ Bose… Boson.
So if a Mr More discovers a subatomic particle, we’ll finally have a Moron?

(July 7)

∙ Particles have antiparticles.
So is the antiparticle of the God particle the Devil particle?
Over to you CERN.

(July 5)

∙ You can find God in whatever you look, even in a particle.

Bhagwan nahin mila, par kam se kam bhagwan ka tukda to mila!
(God particle)

(July 4)

∙ New election symbols in UP…
SP: Car.
BSP: Maya’s statue.
BJP: Wilted lotus.
Cong: Thumbs down hand.

∙ Lady Gaga is the smartest celebrity.
I’m sure she goes out of her house in normal clothes regularly and nobody recognizes her.

∙ It had become LinkedIntoTwitter.
Now it’s back to being LinkedIn.

∙ A Kingfisher bird strikes in the water.
A Kingfisher plane strikes in the air.
(Note: Both strikes have different meanings.)

(July 3)

∙ No relationship comes with an expiry date.
Unless you’re Tom Cruise… then it’s 33.

∙ The reign in Spain stays mainly on the football plain.

(July 2)

∙ Everyone apes TOI. TOI apes The Hindu.
At Independence, The Hindu carried only ads on the Front page.
Now in 2012, TOI does that regularly.

(July 1)

© Sunil Rajguru