Random musings of the day…

United States of India
Uttar Pradesh to be carved into four states for better governance and more prosperity.
At this rate we will be at par with America.
I mean we will also have 50 states just like them.

A Tale of Two Dynasties

Sheikh Abdullah in 1953: Don’t worry, the next generation and my children will sort out the Kashmir issue.
Jawaharlal Nehru in 1966: Don’t worry, the next generation and my children will sort out the Kashmir issue.
Rajiv Gandhi to Farooq Abdullah in 1986: Don’t worry, the next generation and our children will sort out the Kashmir issue.

Question to Omar Abdullah: Why are you not solving the Kashmir issue with urgency?
Answer: I am waiting for Rahul Gandhi to become Prime Minister and he will tell me: Don’t worry, the next generation and our children will sort out the Kashmir issue.

Question: When will the Kashmir issue be sorted out?
Answer: Tomorrow, definitely!

More Poriborton
The future of West Bengal is pretty bright.
2011: Poriborton! Kick out the Left!
2016: More Poriborton! Kick out Mamata!

© Sunil Rajguru

Today’s random musings…

Look up and look down…
Vijay Mallya (Looking up): Can someone please bail me out?
Manmohan Singh (Looking up): Can someone please bail my government out?
Barack Obama (Looking up): Can someone please bail my country out?
God (Looking down): Can someone please bail me out of handling these humans?

The Modern Day Descartes
The Economy: I sink therefore I am.
Anna Hazare: I drink therefore I… Bam!
Indian Politician: I hoodwink therefore I am.
Social Media Enthusiast: I hyperlink therefore I am.

Differences in perspective
Rahul Gandhi on his “Join the poor” road show to a chaiwallah: Ek “By two” chai dena!
Mayawati to the Centre: Ek “By four” State dena!

The Law of Diminishing Returns
Rahul to Maya: Main tere tukde tukde kar doonga…
Maya to UP: Main tere tukde tukde kar doongi…
Rahul: Kya mujhe sirf ek tukda mil sakta hai?

Democracy versus Mobocracy
How many people does it take to elect a government in Egypt?
—30-40 million in a nationwide ballot.
How many people does it take to topple a government in Egypt?
—1 million at Tahrir Square!

Abbreviated governance…
BJP: 2G!
UPA: JPC!
BJP: CAG!
UPA: PAC!
BJP: PC!
UPA: CBI!

Spot the difference…
What’s the difference between Rahul Gandhi and LK Advani?
—Both want to be prime minister and are perpetually touring the country to achieve their ends, the only difference is that Rahul is Rathless.

Downright abysmal PJ of the day…

India without Kashmir will be like a headless chicken going Pak Pak Pak Pak PoK PoK PoK PoK…

© Sunil Rajguru

Jab Yuvraj Uttar Pradesh ko bachane chale the…

Yuvraj: Ab main Uttar Pradesh ke baare main baat karunga…

(Par kuch log use bolne hi nahin dete…)

Pahala Prashna: UP se pahala Pradhan Mantri kaun bana tha?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere pardada…

Doosra Prashna: Aur aapki dadi kahan se chun ke aayi thi?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP…

Teesra Prashna: 1984 main kaunsa Pradhan Mantri Uttar Pradesh se chun ke aaye the aur saare Lok Sabha ke seats le gaye the?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere papa…

Chautha Prashna: Aap aur Sonia kahan se chunav jeet ke aaye hain?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP… par woh sab chhodiye, mujhe ye rajya sirf dus saal ke liye deejiye…

Paanchva Prashna: Congress ne UP main kitne saal raj kiya?

Yuvraj: Errr… lagbhag  paitees saal… par woh sab chhodiye… Mayawati galat hain…

Chhatha Prashna: To sahi kya hain? Aapka vision kya hain? Strategy kya hai?

Yuvraj: Errr… koi vision nahin, koi strategy bhi nahin aur sahi kya hai main nahin jaanta, main sirf itna jaanta hu ki aap please please bheek mat mangiye doosre rajya ja ke!

Saatva Prashna: To kya isi rajya main bheek maange?

Yuvraj: Errr… errr… errr…

(Aur kuch log hasne lagte hain…)

Diggy Raja: Khaamosh! Haso mat! Ek din ye Pradhan Mantri ban-ne hi waale hain, tab hum sab hasenge aur aap sab roenge! Ha ha ha ha…

Moral of the story: He who laughs last, laughs the longest…

© Sunil Rajguru

Divide, rule and enjoy!

Advisor: Madam, aapke chaar problems hai: Bhrashtachar, anti-incumbency, image aur development.
Madam: Rajya ke chaar tukde kar do!

Diggy Raja: Yuvraj, woh aapka stepping stone hai pradhan mantri ke pad ke liye.
Yuvraj: Mummy! Woh mere stepping stone ke chaar tukde kar rahi hai!

Mulayam: Ek tukda Maya ke paas. Ek Ajit le jaayega. Ek shaayad Congress ya BJP le jaayega. Phir bhi mere liye ek tukda bachta hai. Waise, idea bura nahin hai!

Amar Singh: Actually, mera network bhi bad jaayega!

At Rashtrapati Bhawan: Three more Governors to lord over!

Government contractors: More assemblies! More offices! More quarters! More orders! More development…

The ghost of Mountbatten: Hmmm… the United Provinces is finally getting Divided…

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard by a media house…

SR: Vijaysahab, main Sahara dene ke liye tayar hu, Maal leke jaana!

VM: Jai Sahara!

SR: Lucknow aa rahe ho, par JetLite se katai nahin aana.

VM: Main Red main aa raha hu!

SR (apne aap se): Dhakkan!

VM: To Kingfisher bach gaya!

SR: Arre main to Racing waala Formula ki baat kar raha tha, Flying ka nahin!

VM: Kya??? Sab Maya hai… Ab main is udan khatola sena ka kya karunga…

(News Source: But we already flashed that Sahara is bailing them out…
Reply: Move on yaar, who really cares anyway!)

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Diary of a perpetual Rath Yatri…

Corruption had reached its peak in 1998. Then it hit a new low in 2004.
Now the heights of 1998 have been surpassed in 2011.

I simply have to educate the poor ignorant masses of India against the evils of the Congress Empire…

Time for Yatra No. 6!

Let me personally call it “Yatra to the PM’s chair”, but publicly call it Jan Chetna Yatra instead!

(If it doesn’t succeed then I still have 3-4 more Yatras in me before I’m done!)

1: Yatra kicks off. BJP workers give cash to journalists : Fight corruption with corruption!

2: Reach Karnataka, the glorious land of land scams, BS Yedurappa, Reddy Brothers and “overmining” Bellary. (But Deve Gowda and Co. are far more corrupt)

3: Reach Daman and share stage with a criminal. (What’s all the fuss? Aren’t all politicians criminals at one level? Anyway, I am only focusing on “exposed political corruption directly related to black money”. Get it?)

4: Reach Ahmedabad and share dais with Narendra Modi. Now I wonder why I feel uncomfortable with him. Let me Praise Nitish Kumar instead!

5: Someone was planning to attack me in one place and a pipe bomb was found in another. That shows that I am on the right track. The corrupt of the land are nervous!

6: Sudheendra Kulkarni, accused in the cash-for-votes scandal, gets bail! I invite him to join the Yatra. He is not corrupt, but a poor victim of corruption. Many people gave been “stung” by him!

7: Why are people throwing eggs, showing black flags and protesting? Forget it. They are in a “minority”. (But the only problem is that they may be keeping the “majority” away and hence the sparse crowds at certain places!)

8: Uttarakhand! The corruption-free air smells so fresh here! We told Ramesh Pokhriyal to step down from the CM’s chair over corruption charges! Why don’t all the Congress ministers follow his example?

9: Me White Money only. Me no Black Money. Me Indian Bank only. Me no Swiss Bank!
(Wah! Kya Pledge hai! (Pat on the back))

10: What? The Yatra has ended? I can’t believe how fast time flies!
(I can’t wait for the next one!)

11: 40-odd days of non-stop media coverage! And you thought nobody would notice!

P.S. Can someone please tell me when the mid-term general elections are taking place?

© Sunil Rajguru