This is Pappu. Be like Pappu!

This is Pappu.
Pappu takes long vacation whenever he wants.
Pappu bunks work.
Pappu idles around in the work place.
Pappu keeps losing in cool in public.
Pappu generally enjoys life and doesn’t give a damn to anyone.
Be like Pappu.

This is Kejri.
Kejri sleeps on the road at midnight.
Kejri does dharna.
Kejri does nautanki.
Kejri does u-turns.
Kejri does no work and blames everything on others.
Kejri uses Twitter for trolling.
Like Pappu, Kejri generally enjoys life and doesn’t give a damn to anyone.
Be like Kejri.

This is Sonia.
Sonia strikes fear in the hearts of #AdarshLiberals.
Sonia strikes fear in the hearts of senior editors.
Sonia strikes fear in the hearts of most politicians.
Sonia strikes fear in the hearts of intellectuals.
Sonia strikes fear in the hearts of writers.
Sonia strikes fear in the hearts of most prominent Indians.
Be feared like Sonia.

This is Mamata.
Mamata doesn’t believe rapes are happening.
Mamata doesn’t believe in Malda.
Mamata doesn’t think the porous border is a threat.
Mamata doesn’t think there is any violence happening in her State.
Mamata thinks she is giving brilliant governance.
Be blissfully unaware like Mamata!

This is Lalu.
Lalu allows murder.
Lalu allows kidnapping.
Lalu allows theft.
Lalu allows Jungle Raj.
Lalu allows just about anything.
Be tolerant like Lalu.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Poor Modi keeps slogging and they keep brazenly attacking…

Nehru destroyed.
Shastri rebuilt.
Indira-Rajiv destroyed.
Narasimha Rao-Vajpayee rebuilt.
Sonia destroyed.
Modi rebuilding.
Pappu waiting.

Lie about Modi.
When lie totally exposed, ignore and coolly move to next lie!

Modi Haters…
Modi is India. India is Modi.
Means we have to destroy India to destroy Modi.

By 2019 they would have returned all their awards and degrees, milked all their intolerance/under attack narratives dry.
If Modi wins 2019 too, they’ll go totally mad.

I think Modi Haters actually secretly love Modi.
They look to win in the short run, but it totally benefits Modi in the long run.

Even if he gave a brilliant response to ‪#‎Dadri‬ ‪#‎Hyderabad‬, ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ would ignore and immediately link him to 10 more such incidents.
Modi’s silence is understandable.

Power reforms—Maaro goli!
Railway upgrade—Maaro goli!
Infrastructure overdrive—Maaro goli!
Foreign policy success—Maaro goli!
Isolated incident—Great! Use it to flay Modi!

Viciously attacked him—Won 2002.
Viciously attacked him—Won 2007.
Viciously attacked him—Won 2014.
Current vicious attack laying ground for 2019.

If Modi gets 99/100, the lost mark will de debated 24X7.
If Kejri/Pappu get 1/100, the gained mark will be celebrated 24X7.
Kuch nahin ho sakta.

Politicians focus on caste and religion.
Media: What about Bijli-Sadak-Pani?
Modi focuses on Bijli-Sadak-Rail-Toilets.
Media: What about caste and religion?

Modi is on track in his agenda to transform India.
Modi Haters are on track in their agenda to malign India.

When Pappu takes vacation, ignore as much as possible.
When Kejri goes for naturopathy, celebrate it.
When Modi goes abroad for work, ridicule it.

Irony alert…
The biggest destroyer of students through dirty politics is SFI.
Most crying over ‪#‎RohithVemula‬ death staunch supporters of SFI.

Lok Sabha elections.
If only ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ voted, Congress would get 500 seats.
If only senior editors voted, Kejri would get 500 seats.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Correcting India’s history…

1947 Dream Team…
Prime Minister: Netaji.
Home: Patel.
Finance: Rajaji.
Industry/Commerce: Ambedkar.
Ambassador to USSR: Nehru.

If Netaji won us Independence and Patel unified India…
Gandhi-Nehru legacy is incorrect.
It’s the Netaji-Patel legacy.

Would be PMs who died mysteriously…
In crashes…
Suspicious PM death…
More would be PMs who went early…
Assassinated PMs…

Netaji was Congress.
Patel was Congress.
Ambedkar was Congress.
Rajaji was Congress.
All disowned just for Nehru.

Modi finally launches scheme named after Nehru.
Nehru Ka Naam Mitaao Yojana.

Congress problems…
UPA2: CWG, 2G and Jijaji.
2015: National Herald claims SoniaG and RahulG.
2016: Netaji.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Nautanki pe nautanki, nautanki pe nautanki, nautanki pe nautanki…

Tareekh pe tareekh, tareekh pe tareekh, tareekh pe tareekh milti gayi My Lord, par insaaf nahi mila.
—Sunny Deol.

Nautanki pe nautanki, nautanki pe nautanki, nautanki pe nautanki milti gayi My God, par governance nahi mila.
—Disillusioned Kejri supporter.

Joke pe joke, joke pe joke, joke pe joke milta gayi My God, par ek bhi serious statement nahi mila.
— Disillusioned Pappu supporter.

Jungle Raj pe Jungle Raj, Jungle Raj pe Jungle Raj, Jungle Raj pe Jungle Raj milta gaya Mera Nitishwa, par tune Lalu ka saath nahin chhoda.
—JDU voter.

Hinsa pe hinsa, hinsa pe hinsa, hinsa pe hinsa milta gaya Mamata, par shanti bilkul nahi mila.
—The Bengali.

Power cuts pe power cuts, traffic jams pe traffic jams, garbage woes pe garbage woes, CM pe CM… bahut kuch mila par kuch aur nahin.

Naveen pe Naveen, Naveen pe Naveen, Naveen pe Naveen milta gaya, aur koi alternative nahi mila.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

A record peace between India and Pakistan!

1. Kashmir War: October 1947—January 1949.

2. Rann of Kutch Conflict: April—June 1965.

3. Indo-Pak War: August—September 1965.

4. Bangladesh War: 3–16 December 1971.

5. Siachen Conflict: April 1984 onwards.

6. Kargil War: May—July 26 1999.

No such war/conflict began between India and Pakistan for 16 years 4 months @ New Year 2016 after Kargil.

That’s a new peace record.

Previous record was 16 years 3 months between Kashmir War and Rann of Kutch Conflict.

© Sunil Rajguru

Imagine the media outrage if…

Modi started building statues of himself.

Modi launched a TV channel in his name.

Modi slapped a government official.

Modi Tweeted that another leader was a psychopath.

Modi started giving plum posts to his siblings and relatives.

Modi was chargesheeted and had to appear in court in a corruption case.

Modi cut-outs in large dotted the city.

Modi chose Lalu as his alliance partner.

But then other politicians are doing exactly that and there’s hardly an outrage as compared to mostly fake allegations against him.

© Sunil Rajguru