Sydney Test musings…

Posted on January 6, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

∙ The Indian team also believes in the homeopathic principle of “Like to cure like”.
They played their best against Steve Waugh’s Best Team Ever.
Now they have decided to play their worst against Michael Clarke’s Worst Australian Team in 25 years.
India is patenting this as their “Homeopathetic Treatment”.

∙ 4 Excuses for losing 0-4 in England… 1. Opening pair disturbed. 2. New coach. 3. Injuries. 4. Euphoria of World Cup win.
1 Future excuse for losing 0-4 in Australia… We are used to it by now!

∙ We are a team of chakkas.
Now I’m not being obscene, but just referring to six losses in a row on foreign soil.

∙ The Indian cricket team is very fan friendly. They wrapped up the Test in four days on Friday so that all of India could enjoy their weekend without getting tense.

Reference: Second India-Australia Test at Sydney, January 3-6

Ghungroo ki tarah bajta raha Indian batsman…

Posted on January 6, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

Indian batsmen are having a really torrid time on foreign pitches.

Please sing to the tune of Ghungroo ki tarah from the film Chor Machaye Shor.

Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main,
Kabhi is pitch pe,
Kabhi us pitch pe,
Wicket girta hi raha mera…
Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main.

Kabhi wicket toot gaya,
Kabhi bouncer se toda gaya,
Sau baar mujhe,
Phir joda gaya,
Yuhi out ho ke aur phir wicket pe aake,
Khelta hi raha hoon main,
Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main.

Main darta raha,
Mere teammates ki tarah,
Meri technique mere,
Mann hi me rahi,
Kabhi England main,
Kabhi Australia main,
Peet-ta hi raha hoon main,
Ghungroo ki tarah,
Bajta hi raha hoon main.

Pace attack se dare,
Ya spin bowling se,
Cricket ball ki jagah,
To hai teen stumps pe,
Phir kaisa gila,
Foreign pitches se jo mila,
Sahta hi raha hoon mein,
Ghungroo ki tarah
Bajta hi raha hoon main…

(Original Song: Ghungroo ki tarah.
Film: Chor Machaye Shor.
Year: 1974)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Some more Mahashatak musings…

Posted on January 5, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

Mahashatak conspiracy theory #46…
Michael Clarke declared early so that there was enough time for Sachin to score his 100th 100 as there is forecast of rain.

Mahashatak Fact #67
After Sachin hit his 99th international century, more than 100 international centuries were scored in 2011.
In fact two Tests began on January 3, 2012 and yielded six centuries in three days.

Mahashatak meaningless jingle #22
Shatak bhatak gaya hai… Mahabhatak…
Shatak latak gaya hai… Mahalatak…
Shatak atak gaya hai… Maha-atak…

Cricketing Knock Knock Jokes

Posted on January 3, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
An Indian batsman…
Knock Knock…
Who’s there?
Another Indian batsman…
Knock Knock…
Who’s there?
Yet another Indian batsman…
…….
What’s up? Why are all of you coming so fast?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Aussie ki….
Aussie ki… who?
Aussie ki taisi ho rahi hai Indian batsmen ki!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Hussey ki….
Hussey ki… who?
Hussey ki taisi hone waali thi meri. Thank you India, tum ne mujhe bacha liya!
P.S. Ponting sends his warm regards too!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Mahashatak.
Mahashatak who?
My shatak when, where and how???

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
The Wall.
…
If The Wall is knocking at The Door, then you can imagine what the condition of Indian cricket has become…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sombre Sydney musings…

Posted on January 3, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

∙ Indian Cricket has mastered the Undertaker Technique.
Indian pitches are Graveyards for their bowlers.
Foreign pitches are Graveyards for our batsmen.

∙ Future discussions will shift from…
When will Sachin Tendulkar get a 100? To
When will the Indian top order get a 100?
And from…
Will Virender Sehwag ever get another Test 300? To
Will 10 Indian batsmen together ever get a Test 300 on foreign soil?

∙ Pakistan can’t play at home.
India shouldn’t play abroad.

∙ The Mahashatak solution…
Include First Class centuries as part of the equation.
Voila! He scored his Mahashatak ages ago!
Next step, include his school and other unofficial centuries.
Aila! He has scored 200 centuries.
Then the question will automatically become…
When will he score his 300th century?

∙ India might as well start a new “Seven bowler four batsmen theory” for Tests on foreign soil. We might actually fare better.

Reference: Second India-Australia Test at Sydney, January 3, 2012.

Dil Bill Lokpal war main kya jaanu re…

Posted on January 2, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

(Lokpal) Bill toda, hamara Dil toda… Bollywood spoofs on the Lokpal fiasco…

Bill Hain Ki Maanta Nahin… On the inability of the bill to be passed.

Bill To Paagal Hain… Sentiments of Laloo and Co.

Bill Toh Kaccha Hai Ji… The BJP’s reaction.

Bill Diya Dard Liya… The Congress lament.

Bill Bole Hadippa!… What optimists thought would happen…

Bill Kabaddi… What actually happened in the Rajya Sabha.

Hum Bill De Chuke Sanam… Congress washing its hands off saying they introduced it.

Rehnaa Hai Tere Bill Main… CBI Group C&D and the Lokpal.

Hamara Bill Aapke Paas Hai… Team Anna to the UPA.

Bill Ka Rishta… Close to Anna Hazare’s heart.

Bill-E-Nadaan… Said the Opposition

Bill Se Mile Bill… Fate of all bills nowadays, including FDI in retail.

Bill Pe Mat Le Yaar!!!