Tag Archives: congress

Jab Yuvraj Uttar Pradesh ko bachane chale the…

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Yuvraj: Ab main Uttar Pradesh ke baare main baat karunga…

(Par kuch log use bolne hi nahin dete…)

Pahala Prashna: UP se pahala Pradhan Mantri kaun bana tha?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere pardada…

Doosra Prashna: Aur aapki dadi kahan se chun ke aayi thi?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP…

Teesra Prashna: 1984 main kaunsa Pradhan Mantri Uttar Pradesh se chun ke aaye the aur saare Lok Sabha ke seats le gaye the?

Yuvraj: Errr… mere papa…

Chautha Prashna: Aap aur Sonia kahan se chunav jeet ke aaye hain?

Yuvraj: Errr… UP… par woh sab chhodiye, mujhe ye rajya sirf dus saal ke liye deejiye…

Paanchva Prashna: Congress ne UP main kitne saal raj kiya?

Yuvraj: Errr… lagbhag  paitees saal… par woh sab chhodiye… Mayawati galat hain…

Chhatha Prashna: To sahi kya hain? Aapka vision kya hain? Strategy kya hai?

Yuvraj: Errr… koi vision nahin, koi strategy bhi nahin aur sahi kya hai main nahin jaanta, main sirf itna jaanta hu ki aap please please bheek mat mangiye doosre rajya ja ke!

Saatva Prashna: To kya isi rajya main bheek maange?

Yuvraj: Errr… errr… errr…

(Aur kuch log hasne lagte hain…)

Diggy Raja: Khaamosh! Haso mat! Ek din ye Pradhan Mantri ban-ne hi waale hain, tab hum sab hasenge aur aap sab roenge! Ha ha ha ha…

Moral of the story: He who laughs last, laughs the longest…

© Sunil Rajguru

Remixed election jingles for the Yuvraj…

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The last couple of decades have thrown many an election jingle…

Here are the Rahul Gandhi remix versions of the same…

∙ Na billi hain na parcha hai,
Bas Rahul ka hi charcha hain,
Par ye kya wakayi accha hai?
Kyunki ye to baccha hain,
Uska soch bhi kuch kaccha hai,
Ye sab solaah aane saccha hai…

∙ Jab tak suraj chand rahega,
Bhrashtachar tera naam rahega,
Rahul beta tu kya karega?

∙ Rahul hai aur Gandhi hai,
Chai ke pyaale main aandhi hai.

∙ Rahul ka haath,
Aam aadmi ke saath,
Maro Manmohan ko laat,
Aur lagao desh ki waat.

∙ Rahul ko lana hai,
Congress ko bachana hai,
Bhale hi desh ko marwana hai.

∙ Manmohan hatao, Rahul lao,
Desh ko dubao, mewa khao,
Congress log naacho, kudo aur gaao.

∙ Koi jaat, koi biradar,
Congress main sabhi barabar,
Unless you’re in the Gandhi biradar.

∙ Aadhi roti hawa main,
Rahul Gandhi tawa pe,
Kya ye desh ki dawa hai?
Abbe kya tu daaru pee ke pada hai?

These jingle versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oh Lord! We are thankful for…

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OK, the Congress Government is under a lot of flak and everything seems to be going totally wrong.

However, it has still given us many things to be thankful for…

(Don’t they tell us to count our blessings?)

Dear Sonia Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister in 2004, a move that would have turned the country’s top post into a 24X7 tamasha by your belligerent detractors.
Thanks for engaging Civil Society in the decision making process even though, like RTI, it has turned totally against you in the end.

Dear Manmohan Singh,
Thank you for being an honest and clean head of state in this cesspool of corruption, even though you couldn’t do anything about it, or maybe you have, merely by letting it out in the open.
Thanks for never ever have used bad, unparliamentary or abusive language, like many other so called great politicians and for always conducting yourself with dignity and grace.
Thanks for your concern over nuclear energy.
Who knows, it may yet become India’s best idea in 20-30 years!

Dear Kapil Sibal,
Thank you for getting those pesky telecallers off my back!
Thank you for at least trying for a badly needed major educational reform in this country.
If you were a little less arrogant, then people might actually notice your many achievements.

Dear Jairam Ramesh,
Thanks for scuttling a lot of schemes that would have otherwise destroyed the environment and at least trying sincerely for much needed land reforms in the country.

Dear Ajay Maken,
Thank you for taking on rich powers like the BCCI and not giving tax rebates to even richer sports like F1.

Dear Mani Shankar Aiyar,
Thank you for being the biggest critic of your own government.

Dear Digvijay Singh,
Thank you for providing so much fodder to cartoonists and humour writers.
Without you, India would be a much less interesting place than it is now.

Dear Rahul Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister… yet. You will definitely get that post one day, it is your birth right, but you haven’t earned it… yet.

Dear Congress,
Thank you for giving this country political stability in the last seven years despite having just 27% seats in the Lok Sabha from 2004-09 and 38% thereafter.

Yours Gratefully,
Sunil Rajguru

How the Con grass grows below their feet…

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There has been a total Pawar failure…

Great problems with Raja Yog…

Thanks to the 2G, lagta hain ki is government ka Maran aa gaya hai…

That man keeps Singhing and Digging the party’s grave…

The response to Civil Society was totally UnSibalized…

The spokesmen have totally Tewarized the nation…

There has been a great amount of Mamata lost between the allies…

The Government was doing so fine in 2009, the problems were almost overcome: Sonia and yet so far…

Ab to kisi ka bhi Man nahi moh liya, Singh is no longer King….

Singh is SinKing? Singh is BreaKing? Singh is ConKing? Singh is ChoKing? Singh is CracKing? Singh is PanicKing? Singh is BacktracKing? Singh is HoodwinKing? Singh is ShaKing? Singh is SulKing? Singh is ShrinKing? …

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

August 2011 Status Updates

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∙ Anna Hazare on fast. Loses 3 kgs in 3 days.
Congress credibility also on fast. Has lost so much weight that very soon it will be hospitalized and put on drip.

(August 19)

∙ A CongPal Resolution has been passed by which the Congress party will be protected at any cost; Desh, Lok, Anna sab gaye tel lene!

∙ Many years ago, they made a Tryst with Corruption. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the whole world slept, they looted the nation.
Here’s wishing India Independence from these corrupt blokes.
(I know that’s impossible, but hey! A wish is a wish!)

(August 15)

∙ The three avatars of BSY…
Pre-2008: Godot (Wait, I’m coming one day)
2008-2011: FevicolMan (Meri aur gaddi ki majboot jod hai, tootegi nahin!)
2011: Terminator (I’ll be back!)

(August 14)

∙ Overheard…
A US President: I just upgraded my Blackberry and downgraded my country!

∙ In light of the Gold prices, from now on in India a Platinum Jubilee will be celebrated after 50 years and a Golden Jubilee after 75 years.

∙ Roller Coaster Duncan Fletcher…
When Fletcher took over England, they were at the bottom. He took them to the top.
(Then to the bottom again)
When Fletcher took over India, they were at the top. He took them to the…
Either way, it’s a roller coaster. India riding up or down from Birmingham?

(August 9)

∙ A Second Recession in the US?
I have a feeling that they have merely split the Second Depression into two parts for some positive spin and good press.

∙ America needs a new AAA battery.
Anyone has a spare?

(August 8 )

∙ Is it a one down batsman?
Is it a temporary wicketkeeper?
Is it a makeshift opener?
Is it a taken-for-granted rock solid wall?
Is it a recalled ODI batsman?
No!
It’s DravidMan!
Dhan-tana!!!

∙ Dear India,
No action will be taken against Sheila as she refuses to quit and her boss is on sick leave.
Regards,
A grand 126-year old party.

(August 7)

∙ Haar ke baad Yuvi-Bhajji bimaar…
CWG probe se Kalmadi ka dimaag bimaar…
Scams ka tsunami ke baad Sonia bimaar…
India is one really Bimaru nation!

∙ Manmohan Singh looks so peaceful with his headphones in Parliament.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that he listens to soothing music and not the transcripts of MPs!

(August 5)

∙ 2007-2009 T20 World Champs.
2009-2011 Test World Champs.
2011-2015 ODI World Champs.
Indian fans stop complaining!
We’ve never been called world champs for 8 long years!
Which brings me to the Indian Cricket Rule: To wear a new world crown, you have to remove the one that’s already on your head!

(August 2)

© Sunil Rajguru

More Anna Hazare Musings…

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Yesterday: Bharat main bhrasht log masti se khana kha rahe hain, aur kitne log bhookhe hai!
Today: Tihar Jail main Kalmadi-Raja kha rahe hai, aur Anna sahab bhookhe hai.

Overheard…
One Congress party worker to another: What to do, there is total Annarchy in the land and all our political leaders have failed in their political Annalysis!

Theater of the Absurd…
To express solidarity with their party, the Congress Canteen has banned mosaranna (curd rice); the Congress Library has banned Anna Karenina and the Congress Cashiers have banned aathanna (50 paise) coins!

The sequels…
Sonia Gandhi is projected as Indira Gandhi II.
Rahul Gandhi will be projected as Rajiv Gandhi II.
Some people were trying to project Anna Hazare as Jayaprakash Narayan II, but the Congress have turned him into Mahatma Gandhi II.
The UPA is heading towards Emergency II.

Right now the toughest question of 2011 is: Who will get the Worst Congress Spokesperson of the Year Award?

At this rate, the State will have to impose Section 144 in the whole country.

Government to Anna: Listen to us or go back to your land of birth and agitate there!
Me to Government: By that logic: I was born next to Race Course Road in New Delhi, so can I go and agitate there?

© Sunil Rajguru