Desperate co-incidences for the believers…

mahendra-singh-dhoni-5835730_1280India will win the 2011 cricket world cup because…

1. In 1983, Clive Lloyd was chasing his third world cup title as captain. That situation has repeated itself only in 2011 when Ricky Ponting is chasing his third title. Naturally, this time also India will play the spoiler.

2. The last time an Indian scored 175 against a minnow in a world cup (Kapil Dev 175*, Zimbabwe, 1983), we won the tournament.
This time Virender Sehwag scored 175 against Bangladesh.

3. Whenever captain MS Dhoni is about to win a global title, he effects a tie in the tournament. In the 2007 T20 WC, we tied against Pakistan. In the 2010 Champions League, Chennai Superkings tied against Victoria Bushrangers and won the title. In the 2011 WC, he has already tied a match against England.

4. For the first time ever, the final is in Mumbai. Mumbai is home to the great Sachin Tendulkar. And this is the last cup that Sachin will play. Looks like a divine setting and Sachin is God.

5. The Sub-continent Cycle Rule: From 1983-96, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka won the title once each. From 1999-2007, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka were runners-up once each. Now India will begin the new round of the victory cycle from 2011.

ICC aur bagawat

Dhoni: Maine bola tha na, UDRS nahin chalega!

Dalmiya: Tune mujhe hi nahin, poore West Bengal ko lalkara hai.

BCCI: Pawarsaheb, tum us paar jaake badal gaye ho.

Pak: Mere country ko matches se kangal kiya. Mere players ko ban kiya. Chhodunga nahin!

Ireland: Hame 2015 se nikal diya? Le world cup record pe record…

Finance Dept: Suffer with UDRS, we cannot afford more technology like hot spot…

Manmohan: ICC head honcho sahab, aap hamare bhi ally ho na?

This Version by Sunil Rajguru

February 2011 Status Updates

• It takes Libya 42 years to realize Gaddafi is a bad & failed dictator? Wow!
(Egypt, less slow on the uptake: 30 years. Tunisia: 13 years)

• Can Kenya beat Pak?
(Well, that depends on how generous the bookies are and how much in financial need the players are…)

• Locally: Keeping up with the Joneses.
Globally: Keeping up with the Tunisians.

(February 23)

• Wanted: Scam Affairs Minister to manage questions, probes & procedures of so many scams. PM, spokesmen, Sibal & Co. clearly struggling.

(February 15)

Aadhi roti tave pe,
Aadhi roti hawa main,
Puri government tava pe,
Saara corruption hawa main.

(*Translation Note: Hawa=Spectrum)

(February 9)

© Sunil Rajguru

Let him cast the first stone…

They were all about to pelt stones in Parliament…

Then Prophet Sibal came and said, “He that is without corruption among you, let him cast the first stone…”

They all stopped and said “What the hell” and started throwing stones at Sibal himself…

…and Sibal went on the backfoot and Raja went to jail and licenses were cancelled and the PM squirmed and there finally was a JPC probe and…

Moral of the story: There are no morals in politics. So why do some politicians talk, sermonize and preach so much?

© Sunil Rajguru

The biggest blank cheque in the world…

This is what the biggest blank cheque in the world looks like…

Recipient: Pakistan.

Payee: United States of America.

Bank: Federal Reserve.

Signatory: US President.

Purpose: To fight terror.

Funds actually used for: 1. Sustaining the lifestyles of the rich and famous in Pakistan. 2. Building nukes that may one day be used against America. 3. Funding the war of terror against India.

Linked Accounts: Swiss.

Validity: Decades old and still counting…

© Sunil Rajguru

Latest Pak match-fixing scorecard…

Shahid Afridi: Refused to bat

Salman Butt (c): Out Caught, 10 years

Mohammad Asif: Out Caught, 7 years

Mohammad Amir: Out Caught, 5 years

Yasir Hameed: Not Out

Zulqarnain Haider: Timed Out, as he left the field

Yet to Bat & Third Umpire Review Pending: Will be revealed in 2011, 2012, 2013…

Opposition: British media

Team Manager: Mazhar Majeed

Brand New Umpire: ICC

This Version by Sunil Rajguru