Old Trafford loss musings…

Ref: Fourth India-England Test at Old Trafford.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
If Andy won’t get you, Broad must,
If Broad’s nose has gone bust,
Then in Moeen you can trust.

What do you think of the collapse?
Pappu: It is just a state of mind.
But what is the solution?
Pappu: The batsmen have to be empowered.

If England played with 10 bowlers we’d still be unable to get them all out.
If India played with 10 bowlers, we’d still make the same amount of runs.

Old…
Tigers at home, lambs abroad.
New…
Tigers at home, ducks abroad.

Fletcher before…
Don’t be a chicken or a cowardly or fearful person.
Indian batsmen: OK!
After…
Arrrgghhh!!!! A duck’s much worse!

On the English menu…
1. Duck soup.
2. Bombay duck.
3. Roast duck.
4. Pressed duck.
5. Peking duck.
6. Duck à l’orange.

What’s your phone number?
England: 40000001

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Priyanka is coming, coming, coming…

No story!
No problem, just fabricate…
Priyanka to join politics?
Next day…
Priyanka rubbishes rumours of her joining politics.
Final analysis: Two stories for the price of none!

The headline that never goes away…
1998: Will Priyanka join politics?
1999: Will Priyanka join politics?
2004: Will Priyanka join politics?
2009: Will Priyanka join politics?
2014: Will Priyanka join politics?
2019: Will Priyanka join politics?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The US influence on Iraq…

Maybe…
US troops to pull out of Afghanistan.
Obama: Why don’t you stop over at Iraq on your way back?

1980s: Iran contra affair.
1990s: Gulf War.
2000s: Iraq invasion.
2010s: Air strikes.
US to Iraq: Influencing your life every decade.

If you’re a good ally of the US (like Pakistan) or an enemy (like Iraq), you face ruin.
Better to be ambivalent like China and India and prosper.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India’s glorious Bharat Ratna…

If you become the first person in the history of the world to climb Mount Everest, you get India’s third highest award, the Padma Bhushan.
(Tenzing Norgay)

If you lead your army to the most decisive war in your country’s history and liberate a brand new country, you get India’s second highest award, the Padma Vibhushan.
(Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw)

Wow, that means all the people who won India’s highest award, the Bharat Ratna, must be the greatest people who ever walked this Earth!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Alternative careers for sinking Congress leaders…

Rahul Gandhi: Fashion model.

Priyanka Vadra: Brand Ambassador to the real estate industry.

Sonia Gandhi: Permanent Ambassador to Italy.

Digvijay Singh: Conspiracy theory TV host.

Shashi Tharoor: Sonia’s official biographer.

Natwar Singh: Regular author, challenger to Chetan Bhagat.

Sushil Kumar Shinde: Successor to Ahmed Patel.

Kapil Sibal: Back to Full-time lawyer defending umpteen Congress scams.

Manish Tewari: Anchor of TV channel Congress Now challenging Arnab.

Abhishek Manu Singhvi: TV reality show participant.

Mani Shankar Aiyar: Rajiv Gandhi’s official biographer, series of many books.

Jairam Ramesh: Pappu’s official biographer.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sinking Nehru-Gandhi dynasty musings…

Pappugiri: Frivolous part-time politics which has more sound than substance.
Soniagiri: Claiming great power with zero responsibility.
Manmohangiri: Maungiri.

Just one man’s voice heard in Parliament: Pappu.
Congressman: True, unlike our party, where just one woman’s voice is heard.

President for a whopping 16 years and goodness knows for how much longer.
They should just rename it to Congress (Sonia).

The Pappu model…
Give speech.
Go on leave.
Give interview.
Go on leave.
Attend meeting.
Go on leave.
Tear up paper.
Go on leave.
Talk empowerment.
Go on leave.
Shout in Lok Sabha…

© Sunil Rajguru