“We will get another chance at a T20 World Cup, but will we ever get another chance at getting a player like Sir Jadeja?”
—MS Dhoni, after the 2009 loss.

“The Earth stopped just as RP Singh was going to land his foot behind the crease and started again when he overstepped.”
—A baffled scientist forced to comment on an IPL match.

“India never ever beat a Test team 4-0. India never ever played Sir Jadeja in a full Test series. That both came together should surprise no-one.”
—BCCI statement.

“I want to play for India again. I want to score another triple century. I need Sir Jadeja’s help.”
—Virender Sehwag.

“The calls for my retirement have got greater ever since Sir Jadeja made his debut. The pressure is immense now.”
—Sachin Tendulkar.

“We were expecting to win 2-1, but when we saw Sir Jadeja in the Playing XI, our plans crumbled. The players had actually had forgotten their homework on Sir Jadeja, an unpardonable crime!”
—Mickey Arthur.

“I am actually studying Sir Jadeja’s weaknesses in this IPL for the upcoming India tour of South Africa.”
—Dale Steyn.

“The difference between Rohit jokes and Sir Jadeja jokes is that while the former are actually jokes, the latter are facts.”
—Rohit Sharma.

“I am planning to retire comfortably and write my memoirs at home safe in the knowledge that this Earth is now in safe hands.”
—Rajnikanth.

“Saurashtra. That one word has rendered me powerless. Modi can claim a piece of Sir Jadeja, while I can’t. I don’t want to be PM anymore.”
—Rahul Gandhi.

“In 2007 I was kicked out of the national committee. In May 2009 the Congress snatched 11 LS seats from my state. I was in the pits. I was finished. Then Sir Jadeja burst into the scene in June 2009. I haven’t looked back since!”
—Narendra Modi.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru