The Modi-Advani show…

Posted on June 10, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

· If Modi loses badly in 2014, then Advani will make a comeback and position himself for 2019.

· BJP: The old order (Advani) changeth to yield place to the new (Modi).
Congress: The old order (Gandhi) changeth to yield place to the new (Gandhi).
(Where Gandhi=Mahatma/Indira/Rajiv/Sonia/Rahul…)

· LK Advani has had 6 Rath Yatras from 1990-2011.
Time for No. 7, NaMo Yatra?
(Where NaMo = Na (to) Modi)

· Only Indian TV news channels can convert a “Modi crowned King, gets Advani out of the way” to “Setback for Modi as Advani quits”.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Mr Srinivasan’s address to his various organizations…

Posted on June 3, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

BCCI: I continue to be in Control of the Board and hence Cricket in India.

India Cements: My place is still Cemented in India Cricket.

Chennai Super Kings: I am the real Super King from Chennai and I have proved it.

All India Chess Federation: I cannot be Checkmated as I have affected a Stalemate in the BCCI.

Tamil Nadu Golf Association: I don’t have a Handicap in cricket.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

IPL Srinivasan spot-fixing musings…

Posted on June 2, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

· Sir, what about Conflict of Interest?
N Srinivasan: There is no Conflict in my mind and I am not Interested in your question.
(P.S. My place is Cemented in Indian cricket)

· Srinivasan to Dalmiya: Don’t worry, I have Fixed your Spot!
Sreesanth: Maine kya paap kiya re?

· The cricket chiefs stood with stones in their hands and Srinivasan said, “Let the one among you who is without sin cast the first stone.”

· “Srini, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Jagmohan Dalmiya, 2001.
(Kaisa-blank-kiya fans ke hopes ko)

· Even if he renamed the two entities to Board of Control for Cement in India and India Cricket, it would make no difference.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

If the commentators included match-fixing in their commentary…

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

…that’s a Yes Bank maximum, but it’s a poor delivery, is it fixed, in that case it definitely is a yes Bank Maximum delivery for the bowler…

…all the wickets are falling like nine pins, looks like the bookies have thrown crores and crores on the batsman of a single team…

…the captain signals the bowler to get his act together who in turn ignores the captain and signals the bookie by taking out his towel…

…everything seems to be slipping through the fielders hands except the pile of cash he will surely collect at the end of this match…

…is such a bad batsman that he can’t even score runs in what clearly looks like a fixed over…

…how many overs are fixed in this match? For your guesses, Tweet to…

…how do you feel when your team has clearly won a fixed match, call in at…

…the captain is making some pretty strange decisions, looks like the bookies have finally got to him…

IPL: Inverting the pyramid…

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

Skill: To get a batsman to play a dot ball at will.
Greater Skill: To get a batsman to hit a six at will.

Skill: To earn money by playing good cricket.
Greater Skill: To earn more money by playing bad cricket.

Skill: To balance matches, training sessions and meetings.
Greater Skill: To balance matches, parties, interviews and franchisee commitments.

Skill: Managing administrators, senior players and commentators as contacts.
Greater Skill: Managing bookies, middlemen and underworld dons as contacts.

Bottomline: International cricket requires skills, but IPL requires greater skills.

What is cricket?

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

Cricket is a gentleman’s game — Anonymous.

Cricket is a pyjamaman’s game — Kerry Packer.

Cricket is a batsman’s game — Modern battered bowler.

Cricket is a businessman’s game — BCCI.

Cricket is a busyman’s game — T20.

Cricket is an adman’s game — TV channels.

Cricket is a bookieman’s game — Sreesanth.

Cricket is a D-companyman’s game — Delhi Police.

Cricket is a short-term-memory-loss-man’s game — Means we will forget this fixing scandal and continue watching as if nothing has happened…