Cricketing musings…

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

· February Chennai India-Australia Test report…
Michael ki cycle stand giri. No time to Siddle down as they Wade through tricky waters for Hughes defeat. Starc contrast between the two teams, as Lyons become lambs. It’s a Warner for the remaining Tests as they Ed to Hyderabad. Spin’s in: It’s elementary, my dear Watson!

· 0-4: Koi baat nahin Dhoni!
0-8: Koi baat nahin Dhoni!
1-2: Enough, perform or perish!
Bam bam bam bam bam… 224!
BCCI: Sigh! Pahale kyun nahin warn kiya!

· Steyn: Me Best.
Philander: Me Bester.
Abbott: Me bestest.
(Dear Cricket South Africa,
More ODIs/T20s instead of Tests?
Warm regards,
BCCI.)

· The curse of 2 Test Triples?
Lara was in and out of the team.
Gayle was dropped for ages.
Sehwag looks on his way out.
(Exception: Bradman)

The changing face of world sports…

Posted on February 10, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

Then: It’s all fixed! (Fate, it’s all in God’s hands.)
Now: It’s all fixed! (Match-fixing, mega bucks.)

Then: Show me the money! (After I have played a good game and served my country well.)
Now: Show me the money! (Before I even think of playing the game.)

Then: You can’t change the past! (Once a match is over, it’s over.)
Now: You can’t change the past! (Try telling that to the Tour de France!)

Then: You dope! (Drugs like LSD will wreck your career.)
Now: You dope! (Take enhancing drugs, just don’t get caught.)

Then: Cricket! (The Gentleman’s game.)
Now: Cricket! (The Banker’s game.)

To market, to market with the IPL…

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

Sabjiwallah: Aloo lo, mooli lo, adrak lo…
IPLwallah: Ponting lo, Dhoni lo, Sachin lo…

Shopkeeper: I got a real bargain on this shirt and bagged it real cheap.
IPL Team Owner: I got a real bargain on Clarke and bagged him real cheap.

Shopkeeper: We are having a real problem due to unsold goods.
PCB: We are having a real problem due to unsold goods… err… players.

Manager: You will be amazed to know how much ROI I got over that deal.
CSK: You will be amazed to know how much ROI we got over that Dhoni.

Mukesh Ambani: I’m a Forbes billionaire.
Glenn Maxwell: I’m an IPL millionaire.

Co-employee: Send your resume across and you’ll know how much you’re really worth.
Cricketer: Stand in the IPL auction and you’ll know how much you’re really worth.

Kerry Packer: Big boys play at night.
Srinivasan: Big boys play only play for big bucks.

Bogart in Casablanca: We’ll always have Paris.
Mallya to son: Even if we lose all our other companies, we’ll always have RCB.

Yesterday: Who is Kane Richardson?
Today: He is worth $300,000 more than his countrymen Ponting and Clarke.

At all other times: Ponting, which is the best captain you’ve played under? Waugh!
During IPL season: Ponting, which is the best captain you’ve played under? Ganguly! (Next year, he’ll say Sachin!)

Yesterday’s cricketer: I want to play for my country 12 months a year.
Today’s cricketer: I want to party and play in IPL for 1.5 months and relax for the remaining 10.5 months.

Yesterday: The more matches you play, the more money you get.
Today: Once you get a good price at the auction, you’ll have a greater ROI per match, the lesser matches you play!

Analyst: The stocks of IT companies are down this season.
IPL: The stocks of Windies players are down this season.

Companies board: The following company has gone bankrupt and been liquidated.
IPL: Kochi Tuskers is declared bankrupt and been liquidated.

Indian cricket musings…

Posted on January 7, 2013 by Sunil Rajguru

· The Revenge Series began after we won the 2011 WC.
Basically that means every team is taking revenge against us after that.

· Rohit Sharma is the only cricketer who’s Past is Continuously forgotten, Present is always Tense, but Future is always Perfect.

· Indo-Pak match fixed?
Chhodo yaar, life itself is fixed.
Haven’t you heard of fate?

· Tim Allen: I act in a TV show called Last Man Standing. It’s on Star World.
MS Dhoni: I act in a reality show called Last Man Standing. It’s on Star Cricket.

· BCCI: Dhoni hamara sukh-dukh ka saathi hai.
Sukh bahut dekh liya, ab dukh bhi jhelte hai.

· “Enough money to last 7 generations” quote remixed…
BCCI: Usne hamare liye itna paisa kamaya ki ab woh saat saal tak khel sakta hai.

· What may be happening…
Players: Seniors problem.
Seniors: Captain problem.
Captain: Coach problem.
Coach. Hands tied. BCCI problem.
BCCI: Problem? No financial problem!

· More than Revenge Series, the BCCI should start organizing Retirement Series.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

A revenge series gone horribly wrong…

Posted on December 17, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

There were Prior failures, but India refused to listen to the warning Bell and our batsmen kept Trotting back to the pavilion thereby Cooking our goose. India de-Flowered at home! This has to be the Swann song for many Indians who are not in fine Nick. Will the BCCI get to the Root of the problem and make Broad-based changes or will we have another full Monty when Australia visits us?

Indian cricket decline musings…

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Sunil Rajguru

• Indian Test team needs FDI. Needs to include 4 foreign players like an IPL team to remain internationally competitive.

• GB Shaw remixed: Cricket is a game played by 22 fools, watched by 22,000 spectators, followed by 22 crore people on TV and has probably generated 22 billion useless status messages by now.

• Dravid and Laxman have ruined it forever. After Eden 2001, fans always believe we can make a comeback from the most hopeless of situations.

• Even myths on decline…
Sachin scored only two Test 50s in 2012.
India lost both matches.
New myth: Whenever Sachin scores a 50, we lose.

• Pitches fast, flat ya ho spinning,
India can just forget about winning.

• Waiting for the day when the BCCI will ban the ICC for not following its rules.

• In 1675 Captain Cook discovered the South Sandwich Islands.
In 2012, Captain Cook converted the Indian attack into a Sandwich and had it for lunch as India went South.

• Na Vir hoke khele, na Gambhirta se khele, koi Virat score nahin, Sachi’ main ab Bharat cricket ka Yuvraj bhi nahin… That’s the Mahi Way.

• BCCI is fighting for money, Dhoni is fighting against curators, Sachin is fighting age, Sehwag is fighting his instincts, Bhajji is fighting for his form, Yuvi is fighting for a permanent place, Rahane is fighting to get in, Fletcher is still fighting to establish himself… Who is fighting England?