Kohli-RCB-IPL musings…

You need stitches!
Kohli: Wait. Let me first stitch up victory, then you can treat me.

Bruce ka bhai Koh Lee.
Cool-he.
K007hli.
SabKiLeLi.

Kohli to his bowlers…
Tum runs dete raho, main runs lete rahunga.

Kohli ko out karna mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
Nau international teams aur saat IPL franchisees iska hal dhoond rahe hai.

Kohli singing…
Saare RCB bowlers ka bojh hum uthaate hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Come on Mr Gavaskar, go for a bloodless coup @ BCCI!

cricket-150561_640Under which rock do all our retired legends hide when it comes to taking a tough stand on Indian cricket or when it comes to taking over the leadership of the BCCI? This is an especially important question because never before in the history of Indian cricket have so many former Test players occupied so many administrative posts.

In fact one could well say that the time is right for a cricketers’ coup!

Historically India is one of the few countries where cricketers stayed away from cricket administration. The reason for this is that politics of any kind is dirty in India and cricketers couldn’t compete with two-bit politicians. Even if any ambitious cricketer would happen to enter administration, he would find himself isolated.

So politicians and industrialists entirely took over the BCCI. For example the tussle between Sharad Pawar and N Srinivasan for the leadership of Indian cricket long back was nothing but a battle between a politician and an industrialist.

That is why the rot has set in the BCCI because it has been ruled for decades and decades by non-cricketers. It seems an impossible case where one politician/industrialist merely replaces another politician/industrialist and the underlying system remains the same.

However Indian cricket has changed drastically in the last few years. One finds that unlike the past, in 2016 we have a galaxy of cricketing giants who happen to have picked up a lot of administrative experience. What if they got together and took over the BCCI?

At the head of the pecking order is the legendary batsman Sunil Gavaskar. He is by far the most experienced now. He was briefly an ICC Match Referee and also Chairman of the ICC Technical Committee.

He has been an advisor to the BCCI for long and was also interim BCCI President in 2014. He was put in charge of IPL8. Gavaskar is such a legend that the India-Australia Test series is named after him and Allan Border!

His protégé all-rounder Ravi Shastri was temporary coach in 2007 and is currently Team India Director.

Then there’s record breaker Sachin Tendulkar, who’s a Rajya Sabha MP no less and his Bharat Ratna has only added to his status. What if Gavaskar, Shastri and Tendulkar got together and decided to take over the BCCI?

They not only have the clout but also the chemistry to work together. Gavaskar was a great backer of both Shastri and Tendulkar and the latter also look up to him and so they could be a really great team.

They are not alone. Legendary captain Sourav Ganguly has also taken over the Cricket Association of Bengal. Dada also has both the guts and experience to take over the BCCI should the above three show no interest.

Top spinner Anil Kumble was Karnataka State Cricket Association and his Vice President was Venkatesh Prasad and Secretary Javagal Srinath, both Test bowlers. In addition Kumble is the Chairman of ICC’s Cricket Committee.

Former Test player Shivlal Yadav was declared interim President along with Gavaskar in 2014. One can’t remember when so many cricket legends were in administration together and it would be great if they all got together for the good of the game.

In fact there are many Test players who already have become officials at the State association level. 1983 World Cup winning captain Kapil Dev was also India coach and has great experience in launching the now defunct Indian Cricket League (ICL). “The Wall” Rahul Dravid has entered the system by becoming India A and India Under-19 coach.

The time is ripe for all our cricketers to take administration seriously like most other countries do.

Test players Colin Cowdrey of England and Clyde Walcott of the West Indies were the inaugural Presidents of the International Cricket Council. Even the Pakistan’s Zaheer Abbas, a cricketing legend, became ICC Chairman.

India in contrast has had the late Jagmohan Dalmiya, Sharad Pawar and Shashank Manohar. None of them are cricketers! Even Pakistan beats us to it in that regard! Ironically when Australia proposed former Prime Minister John Howard for the ICC, India was the most vociferous opponent!

India’s policy seems to be: When it comes to cricket, for us politicians will do, but for you it has to be cricketers!

Down under, both Mark Taylor and Matthew Hayden have been directors in Cricket Australia. Who can forget that Greg Chappell was part of the revamp of Australian cricket a couple of decades back and that led to a long domination by that team in all forms of cricket?

At the end of the day it is cricketers understands problems of cricket and who can bring about a change.

Indian cricket hurtles from one disaster to another and it is only Gavaskar and company who may arrest the slide if they should choose to take decisive action!

Here’s hoping for a cricketer’s coup @ Cricket India!

Nothing less than a Test cricketer becoming BCCI President will do!

© Sunil Rajguru

(This originally came in November 2015. This is an updated version)

RCB musings continue…

The greatest 6 hitter of all time (Gayle)
+ The greatest chaser of all time (Kohli)
+ Fastest ODI century in 31 balls (ABD)
+ He was 185* after just 26 overs in an ODI (Watson)
= Still not enough runs for RCB most of the time!

Delighting you always…
Royal Challengers Batting a delight for fans.
Royal Challengers Bowling a delight for oppositions.
‪#‎RCB‬

Royal Challengers Batting.
‪#‎RCB‬
(No bowling)
‪#‎IPL2016‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

RCB musings…

Photo0635

The “Challengers” in RCB is a problem.
For 8 seasons they’ve only been “challenging”, nothing else.
Make it Royal Champions Bengaluru.

When RCB bat second…
We can chase even 225 with 8 wickets to spare.
When RCB bat first…
Nothing less than 200 will do.
‪#‎IPL2016‬

RCB make…
160: Will lose.
180: Close match.
200: Might win.
220: If they bowl well, they’ll win.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#2016T20WorldCup musings

Glory days of West Indies cricket of the 1970s-80s in ODIs and Tests won’t return, but they’ve come back at least in international T20s!

Dhoni has been doing unconventional things for 9 years.
With that he’s won 3 ICC Trophies and 2 Asia Cups.
So you can’t say that he’s gone wrong suddenly.

Sehwag didn’t get his 3rd Test triple.
Dhoni isn’t getting his 3rd World Cup.
But Rohit will get his 3rd ODI double.

1975-Hockey-Indira.
1983-ODI-Indira.
2007-T20-Manmohan.
2011-ODI-Manmohan.
All 4 World Cups under Congress Prime Ministers.

1983 World Cup final…
183 in 60 overs enough with West Indies.
2016 World Cup semi-final…
192 in 20 overs not enough with West Indies.

1979—Eng-WI final.
Since then from 1983-2015 all World Cup (ODI + T20) finals (14 in all) had at least one team from Australasia
Full circle…
2016—Eng-WI final.

Greatest fighter: Bruce Lee.
Greatest villain: Christopher Lee.
Greatest cricketer: Virat Koh Lee.

Teacher…
Every day is not a Sunday.
Kohli…
Every day is an MC-BC chakka-chauka maaro day.

Kohli ko neend main se utha ke bat thama do to fir bhi kisiko bhi 6 maarega.

The England riddle…
Great Test and T20 team.
Rubbish ODI team.

Sachin was declared a better batsman than Gavaskar.
ODIs had a great role in that.
Kohli will surpass Sachin.
iT20s will ensure that.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Virat “King Kohli” musings…

cricket-players-2027502_640Foreign intellectuals will soon start an ‪#‎AwardWapsiCampaign‬ to protest Kohli’s Rising Intolerance against all bowlers in all formats.

When it comes to Kohli, MC-BC now stands for…
Master Chaser-Boss of the Chase.

Kohli ko chase main harana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
Iska hal gaayra mulko ki coaching departments khoj kar rahi hai.
‪#‎DonKohli‬

Q: What do you think of ‪#‎GharWapsi‬?
Kohli: Yes I love it. First we sent the Pakistanis home and then the Aussies. I want to do the same with the Windies.

Phone call: Can I speak to xyz Indian batsman?
Answer: Woh abhi batting pe gaye hai. Noodles chadha do. Boil ho jaayenge, tab tak wapis aa jaayenge.
Phone call: Can I speak to Kohli?
Answer: Woh abhi batting karne gaye hai. Kucch ghante baad jab India ki jeet ke phatake phootenge, matlab woh free ho gaye. Tab call karna.

Kohli to Australia…
Aisa hai bhai, aap logon ne ODI World Cups kuch had se jyaada hi jeete hai. Ab hum tumhe T20 World Cups nahin jeetne denge.

Rohit: Poori innings ya to main kheloonga ya tu.
Kohli: Chal hat. Is maamle main, main thoda selfish hu.

Australia in first 4 overs = 53 runs.
India in last 4.1 overs = 59 runs.
Tu great starter, to main greater finisher.
—Sri Sri Kohli Baba.

And Dhoni too…

Ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust,
If Kohli don’t get you,
Dhoni must.

Umpire: Line belongs to me.
Dhoni: Last over belongs to me.
Kohli: BC. MC. Poora inning mera.

Indian batting…
Body: Kohli.
Tail: Dhoni.
Yaane ki Indian batting ki umar hai itni sanam,
Kohli se shuru aur Dhoni se khatam.

Brangelina se dumdaar jodi hai Dhonikohli.

Smith wins the toss, elects to bat. Dhoni, you disappointed.
Dhoni: Thanks Steve! Kohli will anchor the chase and I’ll hit the winning shot.

Steve Waugh could do mental disintegration over a period of five days.
MS Dhoni can do that in one ball.

Chase main koi double century bhi maarega phir bhi winning shot main hi maarunga.
—Sri Sri Dhoni Baba.

Lethal jodi…
Kohli takes single and Dhoni comes on strike.
Bowler apna sar patakta hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

MS Dhoni musings…

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Bollywood ka Baadshah.
Last over abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Cricket ka Baadshah.
‪#‎LastBallDhoni‬

March schedule…
19th: Bura na maano, Kohli hain.
23rd: Bura na maano, Dhoni hain.
24th: Bura na maano, Holi hain.
‪#‎2016T20WC‬ ‪#‎HappyHoli‬

Dhoni: Aaj kuch toofani karte hai!
Kohli: Last ball Victory 6?
Dhoni: Yaar woh bahut kar chuka hu.
How about last ball Victory Run Out?

The film “M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story” should actually be called “Jo Jeeta Wohi Mahendra”.

Andheri raat ke baad teen din ki chandni…
Overs 1-19.3: Pathetic fielding.
19.4: Good catch.
19.5: Great catch.
19.6: Brilliant run out.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬

Before India used to panic.
Now Dhoni induces panic in the opposition.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬

Hardik Patel ko mila jail.
Hardik Pandya ne diya Team India ko bail.
‪#‎IndVsBan‬ ‪#‎2016T20WC‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#IndVsPak #T20WC2016 musings…

Sharjah is a fixed Harjah for India versus Pakistan.
World Cup is a mobile Harjah for Pakistan versus India.

Very soon Kohli, Yuvi, Raina etc will do a Mauka Mauka ad to hit the winning shot which always seems to go to Dhoni.

Keep calm!
Kohli will rebuild the innings.
Dhoni will hit the winning shot.

Dhoni aur winning shot.
Kamaal ki jodi.
Fevicol ki jodi.
Tootegi nahin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#T20WorldCup2016 musings…

After playing for 20 years, teenager Shahid Afridi says “Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost”, and probably wants to play for 20 more years.

Sometimes you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue…
Aus hit record ODI score.
SA surpass it on same day.
SA hit record WC T20 score.
Eng surpass it on same day.

England scored a whopping 412 runs in their first 2 T20 matches and were still 2 wickets away from Zero points!
‪#‎EngVsWI‬ ‪#‎EngVsSA‬ ‪#‎T20WC2016‬

The Indian top order either plays till the end or crashes at the first hurdle.
They know no Middle Path.
‪#‎T20Cricket‬ ‪#‎RohitShikharVirat‬ ‪#‎T20WC2016‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu and AntiModi musings…

First you win (2009), then they fight you (2010-11), then they laugh at you (2012-14), then they ignore you (2015-16).
—Pappu on the people of India.

India is Indira. Indira is India.
Nothing is Pappu. Pappu is nothing.

Everybody will get their 15 minutes of fame.
Modi Hater remix…
Everybody should get their 15 minutes of Modi bashing.
(Yuhi kat jaayenge paanch saal!)

1932: British Prime Minister declares Communal Award.
2015: Every Award declared Communal under Indian Prime Minister.
‪#‎WhereIsAwardWapsi‬

The bitter truth.
Nehru/Indira/Rajiv/Manmohan/Rao/Vajpayee didn’t remove Article 377.
Modi may or may not remove it by the end of his term.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Rohit and Team India musings…

Australia 348/8…
Bowlers: Thank God it’s over.
Dhoni: Gayi meri captaincy!
Rohit: Chance to score 200!
#IndVsAus #Canberra

On Twitter he’s the clown.
But on the cricket field he’s the ringmaster and all bowlers are reduced to clowns.
#Melbourne #Brisbane

Sharmaji = roHIT.
Team India = NOhit.
#Melbourne #Brisbane

Dhoni’s club biography will be called IPLT20CSK2RPSG.
#RisingPuneSuperGiants

Ganguly.
Dravid.
Dhoni.
Sabka time aata hai.
Fir jaata hai.
#KohliRaj

India in ODIs in Australia…
1980s: Mini World Cup win.
1990s: Zero series wins.
2000s: Triangular series win.
2010s: Zero series wins?

Indian batsmen can take a 300 score at will.
Indian bowlers can give a 300 score at will.
#ODIs

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

What would we do without Rohit Sharma?

In India more runs than Sachin (264).
In Australia more runs than Richards (171*).
In Twitter more jokes than any other cricketer.
‪#‎RohitTalentSharma‬

Na billi hai na parcha hai,
Bas Rohit ka hi charcha hai,
Run banaaye to talent pe charcha,
Na banaaye to jokes-memes aur jyaada charcha.
‪#‎IndVsAus‬ ‪#‎Perth‬

Rohit Kumbhakaran hai.
Aaj jag gaya.
Kal fir so jaayega.
‪#‎2MinuteTalent‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru