Ab ki baar Kohli ka waar…

cricket-players-2027502_640Form is temporary, Kohli is permanent.

There is one department in which Virat Kohli is a total Zero.
He simply can’t play the dot ball!

Jab captain ho Dhoni,
Aur batsman ho Kohli,
Jab sub-continent pe spinners,
Tab India hai winners.

Gavaskar—King when Tests ruled.
Tendulkar—King when ODIs ruled.
Kohli—King when T20s rule.

Therefore, India’s slogan before every cricket match…
Ab ki baar Kohli ka waar.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Foreign Test debacle musings…

Dhoni: I lost in Auckland.
Srinivasan: Don’t worry, I won in Dubai.

New Zealand to sirf ek jhaaki hai,
England main whitewash abhi baaki hai.

Srinivasan should step down as BCCI President.
–>Becomes ICC President instead.
Chennai Superkings should be scrapped.
–>He’ll do so and simply launch Chennai SuperEmperors instead.

Detractors: You have no moral right to be BCCI President.
Srinivasan: OK! Let me be ICC President instead!

India, England and Australia try to form ICC super group.
With the way we are playing, I think we should form a super group with Bangladesh and Zimbabwe instead.

On foreign soil in Tests, the only question to be asked is whether the Indian team as a whole will cross the individual score of the highest Opposition batsman.

Ishant Sharma is like a salesman.
The moment he feels he has met his target of wickets, he takes it easy for the rest of the quarter.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Are the Ashes actually one-sided and boring?

The Ashes or the Test series regularly played between Australia and England has been touted as the most intensely fought and tough battles in world cricket. To consider something as the pinnacle of Tests, you would think that most matches would go down to the wire and the series would stay alive till the end.

However is that really so? A look at the recent history of the Ashes, meaning the series that have taken place since 2000…

2001, in England: Australia was quick to take a 3-0 lead and render the series dead. What’s more, these were all comfortable victories: by an innings & 118 runs, 8 wickets and 7 wickets. While England did strike back in the fourth Test, the fifth Test was won by Australia by an innings to make it an extremely one-sided 4-1.

2002-03, in Australia: This one was even worse and Australia went to 4-0 up and lost only the last Test like they have done many times: They only lower their guard once they’ve won the series convincingly. Again, these were one sided games and this is how Australia won: by 384 runs, an innings & 51 runs, an innings & 48 runs and 5 wickets.

2006-07, in Australia: This was the worst of them all and Australia blanked England 5-0. It was a totally hopeless series. The problem was that again, all five matches were one-sided and England didn’t even give a semblance of a fight. It could have been an Australia versus Bangladesh series and the numbers would have still been the same.

2010-11, in Australia: This one England won 3-1. The best part is that in all 3 matches that England won they inflicted an innings defeat on Australia! Their first innings totals of England in these matches were: 620-5, 513 and 644. That certainly doesn’t sound like Australian pitches with fast bowlers breathing down their necks!

2013, in England: This time England bettered their 2010-11 performance and beat Australia 3-0.

2013, in Australia: If Michael Clarke thought that his career in the Ashes was over then he was mistaken. Australia thrashed England black and blue to 5-0.

Now here’s the deal. You could say that England is on decline and Australia is on the ascendant, but that is not the case. England had a good year when they won the Ashes early on in the year 3-0 while Australia was whitewashed 0-4 by India.

Batsmen Ian Bell, Alistair Cook, Joe Root and Ian Trott were in the form of their lives. So were bowlers Stuart Broad, James Anderson and Graeme Swann.

So since 2000, that’s 6 one-sided series with two close ones: When England won 2-1 on two occasions in 2005 and 2009.

Compare India-South Africa in Test matches in the last odd decade: 0-1, 1-0, 1-2, 1-1, 1-1 and 1-1! Now that’s really competitive! Australia has started sharing an England type record with India too. The last four series in India’s favour are 2-0, 2-0, 0-4 and 4-0.

International Test cricket has really become skewed and any top team can get whitewashed by any other team. In fact, South Africa is the most consistent team in the world was also whitewashed 0-3 by Australia at home in 2006.

Of course it is only off late that the Ashes have largely become one-sided affairs.

If you look at the larger picture and 100+ years history of the series, then Australia leads a narrowly 32-31 in terms of series wins.

© Sunil Rajguru

When a draw and thriller can go together!

The last time any team won an India-South Africa Test series was way back in 2006. Since then the three series have been tied at 1-1 each. This is an oasis at a time when both India and Australia have been whitewashed and the England team is also looking at a whitewash in the current Ashes series.

The deadlock continued when the two teams played out what could be probably called the greatest draw in the history of Test cricket. Never had the commentators been so wrong about a pitch and in the end you didn’t know whether it was a bowler’s beauty or a batsman’s delight.

At the beginning we were told it would be a difficult pitch to play on and one must commend captain MS Dhoni’s courage in opting to bat first. India looked well set at 264-5, but then they crashed to 280. After that South Africa seemed to forge ahead at 130-1, but they crashed to 146-6.

A rearguard action took them past the 200 mark, but the Indian bowlers hit back to get South Africa all down for 244. When India batted again then at 315-4 it looked like India would set an impossible target, but the Proteas bowlers’ struck to make it a target of 458, which at least was in the realms of possibility.

Again the South Africans saw a see-saw chase. At 108-0, our opposition was sitting pretty and at 197-4 India would have thought it was just a matter of time that the wickets would start falling.

But one must say that at 402-4, India was shut out of the game and it was South Africa’s to lose. Even though they lost two quick wickets, then even at 442-6, the equation read in their favour:

16 runs required off 21 balls with 4 wickets in hand.

You might even back Bangladesh to win at that stage.

After the seventh wicket fell, both teams seemed to have shut down the shutters and the match ended tamely in a draw. That could be called the only low point of the match. In the end South Africa played 816 balls and had any two of these dot balls gone for boundaries or wickets, then the match would have swung decisively one way.

But the chase was a curious one. There were no genuine dismissals by bowlers and freak ones seemed to be the order of the innings. There were two run outs. Three batsmen dragged the ball on to their stumps. Jacques Kallis was not out and DRS might have turned the match on its head. Finally Hashim Amla left the ball and it ended up crashing on the stumps!

Rarely does one fielder play such an important role in the match and Ajinkya Rahane’s two direct hits and one miss were downright crucial.

First Rahane hit the stumps and ended a fine century opening stand.

At 318-4 he almost hit the stumps to affect a run out in something that could have swung the match entirely in India’s direction.

Finally he took the seventh wicket in a similar fashion and that probably put the match on the path of a draw as we looked like totally losing it at that stage.

Of course India will come back much happier at the end of this Test. For one, we have ended our 0-8 streak of lost Test matches on foreign soil. Virat Kohli was the man of the match and this was one of the greatest performances on foreign pitches we’ve seen by an Indian batsman.

Cheteshwar Pujara got a 150 and Zaheer Khan made a great comeback picking up five wickets in the match. Even Ishant Sharma, whose career looked over a few months back, ended up taking 5 wickets. Co-incidentally Mohammed Shami also picked up 5 wickets, making it one of our best bowling performances.

Even someone like Ajinkya Rahane will feel satisfied as he scored more than 50 runs in the match and affected two very crucial run outs.

It is a travesty that a 4-match series was reduced to a 2-Test one; otherwise we really had a mouthwatering 20 days of cricket on our hands!

© Sunil Rajguru

How to tell what type of cricket match is going on…

You know…

…a Test match is going on…
…when purists are shouting “Test cricket is not dead!”… “Test cricket is not dead!”…

…an ODI match is going on…
…when people in the office are glued to the computer screen and are alternately looking depressed or screaming.

…a T20 match is going on…
…when you get stuck in a traffic jam on your way back from work and you end up missing the entire match due to that.

…the IPL is going on…
…when there’s a sudden spurt in controversies, inane sports ads and there’s more tamasha than actual cricket going on.

…a First Class match is going on…
…actually you never know about it even though there’s some match going on throughout the year all.

…the Women’s Cricket World Cup is going on…
…when a host of experts across all news channels are bemoaning low viewership of women’s cricket.

© Sunil Rajguru

When India crossed 300 in ODIs yet again…

The wickets on both ends of Indian ODI pitches should be replaced by tombstones to signify bowlers’ graveyards.

#IndVsAus series report…
Runs, rains, (bowling) ruins, (India) reigns and (Aussie) remains.

Always “Ro”hit Sharma.
Pahale batting karta tha to Indian fans “ro”te the.
Ab opposition bowlers “ro”te hain.

Phata Ishant Sharma ka poster nikla Vinay Kumar Zero.

The RSS hand…
Rohit “Sixer” Sharma.

Today a Black Kite surveyed Chinnaswamy Stadium thinking, “What is this place where white spheres keep flying out all the time!”

For years, MS Dhoni got hammered for persisting with Rohit Sharma and Ravindra Jadeja.
As usual Captain Cool has the last laugh!

Sharma No. 1: Wassup?
Sharma No. 2: Unhone mujhe dho daala!
Sharma No. 1: Don’t worry, chun chun ke badla loonga!
(Key: No. 1 = Rohit. No. 2 = Ishant.)

Sachin-Sehwag-Sharma.
Do Sau-Sau-Sau!

In Bangalore today it will be raining rockets, fireworks, 4s and 6s.
Unless of course there is actual rain.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru