Category Archives: Short Takes

November 2016 Status Updates

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Parthiv: Forever young.
Rohit: Forever talented.
Openers: Forever changing.
Kohli: Forever angry.
#TeamIndia #Tests #IndVsEng

(November 30)

Queen, Bob Marley, Oasis, Guns N’ Roses, Janis Joplin, Velvet Underground, The Who… didn’t win a Grammy.
Hillary got one.
Bill got two.

(November 29)

It is an era of increasing waste and garbage…
WastAge.
GarbAge.
WastAgeGarbAge.

(November 28)

#DeGlobalization

#ClimateLaissezFaire

#NeoLocalization

#NeoIsolation

#UnfreeBorders

#AntiLiberalism

#AntiCommunism

#AntiMSMedia

(November 17)

How Colonialism began.
A—We have the wonders of science and technology. Lets share it with the world.
B—Let’s attack and kill instead!
A—Yeah, sounds more fun!

(November 16)

Paper Tigers @ Home!
The last Australia beat South Africa at home: 2005.
The last South Africa beat Australia at home: 1970.
#AusVsSA

(November 15)

Best chacha…
Chacha Chaudhary.
Worst chacha…
Chacha Nehru.
#NehruJayanti

(November 14)

In 1991 during the campaign one smart alec quipped…
Get three Presidents for the price of one.
#Bill #Gore #Hillary
Close!
One President and two Presidential candidates.

Amitabh: Kucch din to guzaaro Gujarat main.
English cricket team: OK, we’ll make sure the Test lasts 5 days.
#IndVsEng #Rajkot

(November 12)

#Akhilesh
2011: Humble cycle yatra.
2016: High-tech Mercedes bus yatra.
Development for Mulayam’s child, but not for UP’s children.
#UPPolls

(November 8)

Post-Apartheid, South Africa have won exactly 0/7 Test series against Australia at home.
Greatest travelers, but worst home record this.
#AusVsSA

(November 3)

Pakistan got Independence in August and attacked Kashmir in October and has been plotting since.
It is a War Nation.
Talk peace at your peril.

(November 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oh those liberals…

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Castro. Stalin. Mao.
The bigger the mass murderer, the bigger the admiration from liberals, intellectuals and Leftists.

#Liberalism101
Democratically elected Capitalists are tyrants.
Mass murdering Communist despotic tyrants are angels.

United States of Deplorables.
Dis-United Kingdom.
European Dis-Union.
Modified India.
#LiberalNightmares

#AdarshLiberals
1984-89: Bronze Age.
1975-77: Silver Age.
1947-64: Golden Age.
2004-14: Diamond Age.
2016-__: Deep Dark Age.

For #AdarshLiberals, #Demonetization is the new Godhra.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Trump victory musings…

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Freedom of Speech.
Followers of Obama, Hillary, Sonia etc can abuse as much as they want.
Followers of Trump, Modi etc can’t criticize.

Same to same.
In 2008, Americans voted against the establishment.
In 2016, Americans voted against the Obama establishment.

Trump was attacked and abused 24X7.
His Presidency will be smooth for him because he’s already used to it.

Billionaire Trump ridiculed globally.
Billionaire Thiel ridiculed in Silicon Valley.
Shows how powerful Hillary was.
“was”.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet more #Demonetization musings…

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America: Credit is king.
India yesterday: Cash is king.
India today: Cashless is king.

Modi—Cashless.
Kejri—Useless.
Pappu—Brainless.
Mamata—Witless.
Sonia—Powerless.
Opposition—Purposeless.
Ole black money—Worthless.

Sonia agitating in the streets and giving interviews.
Pappu standing in ATM lines.
Both already appeared in court like commoners.
#AccheDin

By the time the Opposition finishes with its nautanki and the courts finish analyzing it, #Demonetization would have been fully implemented.

For most Opposition parties, Demonetization is nothing but Demoralization.

Take news channels seriously and it’ll appear that in the last 10 days, 100 crores have been standing in line for 10 hours a day.

During recession…
“No vacancy” at offices.
During #Demonetization…
“No cash” at ATMs.

Khokas and Petis.
Post #Demonetization
Petis become khokla.
Khokas become petty.

Dear Mamata,
Widespread 2002 “pakki khabar” headline…
Vajpayee will remove Modi from politics.
Uske baad na jaane kitne aaye aur gaye hai!

When you try to dress up black money as white…
Kaale kaale mukhde pe gora gora chasma.

Sad to see Opposition leaders press the self-destruct button one by one.
They are bent on making Modi a dictator post-2019.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#Demaunetization: When the silent one spoke!

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If Einstein was alive, he would have said of Manmohan…
Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth without a spine.

Sonia released Robot 1.0 in 2004, it ran till 2009.
Sonia released Robot 2.0 in 2009, it ran till 2014.
Even Rajinikanth can’t beat that!

Manmohan as The Trinity…
1991-96: The Creator.
2004-09: The Preserver.
2009-14: The Destroyer.

Manmohan Singh taught me…
1. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
2. #TheekHai.
3. In the end we are all dead.

Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

His multiple choices …
a) First Manmohan Singh became Economist.
b) Second he became Bureaucrat.
c) Third he became Politician.
d) Finally he became “None of the Above”.

SINGH is King!
S = Spectrum, coal and many other scams.
I = Internet Emergency.
N = No spine whatsoever.
G = Gayab. (Awaaz, governance, etc…)
H = Home and abroad both equal failures.

A movie on Manmohan Singh’s life would be called O.H.M.S.
On Her Majesty’s Service.
He has been serving the Dynasty and not the nation since 1998.

Everyone knew Manmohan was a tubelight.
He started speaking about 2004-14 misrule only in 2016.

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

Manmohan Singh…
The only man to have given 1300 official speeches and still said nothing.

Sanjaya Baru calls Manmohan Singh an accidental Prime Minister.
Par accident to India ka hua na?
MMS = Minion of Madam Sonia.

Madam: #Demonetization kaisa hai?
Puppet: #TheekHai!
Madam: Kya!!! Aaj RS main blast karna hai!
Puppet: #TheekHai! (I’ll just describe UPA)

Even at the age of 84, after his speech he’ll have to go to her and say…
Madam! Main theek bola na? Aap khush to ho na?

Under the Manmohan regime, crooks freely converted white money to black with impunity.
He’s upset it’s all being undone by #Demonetization.

Manmohan Singh: The Father of Polinomics.
Half (Politicize economics)
+ Half (Economize politics)
= Zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Another never-ending round of Pappu musings…

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Pappu: Has no brain.
Puppet: Can’t use his brain.

Rahul is about
½ of Manmohan’s age
¼ of his grace
1/6 of his experience
1/8 of his intellect
But Manmohan is zero.
So they are both same in the end.

Nehru pushed Indira into politics.
Indira pushed Sanjay/Rahul politics.
Sonia pushing Pappu into politics.

Advisor: We are at an all-time low of 45 Lok Sabha seats. We can’t go any lower!
Pappu: Challenge accepted!

Manmohan Singh’s biography…
The Accidental Prime Minister.
Rahul Gandhi’s biography…
The Accident.

All dynasts got Prime Ministership/Remote Control on platter.
Pappu has been an MP for 12 years and is still struggling.
#AccheDin

In 15 years, Indira won party leadership, elections, wars, did Pokhran, made many bold moves…
In last 15 years, #Pappini Priyanka bagged Sidhu.

Modi 2019 strategy: Development + Governance + #SurgicalStrikes + FDI windfall + 500 rallies…
Congress 2019 strategy: Hey! #Pappini Priyanka looks like Indira!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru