Star Wars and Corruption Wars

Inspired by the two Hollywood Star Wars trilogies, Bollywood is making its own Corruption Wars trilogies. A sneak peek at what they are all about…

Episode I: The Anna Menace.
A fasting Yoda-like Phantom Hazare bursts into the national scene foxing the high and mighty of the land. He is being compared to Mahatma Gandhi. But doesn’t the Mahatma copyright lie solely with the Congress Empire? Sacrilege!

Episode II: The Attack of the Clones.
Main bhi
Anna, tu bhi Anna, saara desh hai Anna! Anna topis everywhere! Another copyright infringement on the Mahatma Gandhi topi legacy! But how does an Empire fight against thousands of Anna Clones?

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
Both the Apprentice (Prime Minister) and Master (Congress Empire President) take their revenge when they end the Fast, agitation, get the Parliament to promise absolutely nothing concrete and after a few weeks it’s business as usual.

Episode IV: Corruption Wars: A New Hope.
But the fight against corruption continues and the Congress Empire keeps going on the backfoot as more and more skeletons keep jumping out of the closet. Tihar keeps adding more and more politicians. Bad news just refuses to go away even as offices like the CAG and courts tighten the screws.

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
The Jedi brotherhood is almost disbanded. Team Anna is in total disarray. Hazare is on a maun vrat. Prashant Bhushan has been neutralized. Kiran Bedi faces corruption charges herself. Arvind Kejriwal has the I-T sword hanging on his head. Two other members quit and Justice Hegde has serious doubts about the whole campaign.

Episode VI: Return of the Anna.
Can Anna Hazare make a comeback? Can he silence his critics once and for all? Can he keep his promise to the nation? Can a strong Lokpal Act finally become a reality? Will electoral reform happen? This concluding trilogy is among the most eagerly awaited blockbusters in recent times.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Maan gaye Mughal-e-Azam

How to make a blockbuster, Bollywood style…

One super-childish video game + One petty and illogical supervillain + One stupid and strong superhero + One incoherent plot and storyline + One bad music album + Basic Level One Science Fiction + Premium Grade One hype + One Superstar =
Rs One hundred crore and multiples of that sum.

Ra.One. Wah.One. Well DOne!

Dhanya ho Bollywood!

Directors, story writers, heroines… sab gaye tel lene, all you need is One Superstar per movie, everything else is irrelevant.

Shahrukh Khan the entertainer died in 2008.
Shahrukh Khan the businessman lives on, getting stronger by the day!

P.S. Which gaming company in their right frame of mind names their premier game as Random Access One?

Stage set for Ra.One.Two or Ra.Two or Ra2.0 for multiples of Rs Two Hundred crores?

© Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood movies on Indian politics, the sequel

The UPA series…

Chalti Ka Naam 2G and its sequel Badhti Ka Naam 3G

Maine Satta Kyun Liya, starring Manmohan Singh

Laaga Sarkar Pe Daag

Roti Kapada Aur Makaan @ Rs 32 Prati Din

Mujhse Deal Karoge? starring Niira Radia

Badmaash Company, starring Congress and Allies

We Are Family, starring Karunanidhi, Kanimozhi & Dayanidhi with Andimuthu Raja as the villain

Hum Kisise Kum Nahin, starring Andimuthu Raja

Do Term Barah Scam

Bhool Bhulaiyaa, the route taken by all CBI investigations

Kati Patang, the real story of UPA2

Aaj Ka Chacha Aur Bhatija, starring Sharad & Ajit Pawar

3 Idiots, UPA cut, starring Prashant Bhushan, Arvind Kejriwal and Kiran Bedi with Anna Hazare playing the role Virus, the hard taskmaster

Kabhi Kursi Kabhi Scam

The Diggy Raja Series…

3 Idiots, with Diggy as Rancho who has a solution to all Congress problems, ably supported by Kapil Sibal and Manish Tiwari

No Problem (For Diggy everything is always fine anyway)

Kyun Ki Main Jhooth Nahin Bolta

Black money series…

Black Main Rang de Basanti

Kal Ho Na Ho, Bharat Ko Loot Lo

Cheque (cash, kind, favour, kuch bhi) de India

Apna Sapna Black Money

Ek Aur Ek, Ek Sau Gyarah

Aamdani Atthani Kharcha Hazaar Rupaiya

One Two Ka Four Thousand

Note: Hera Pheri sequels got so many, that they have been converted into a daily soap on TV.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Mere paas maa hai works in almost every Bollywood film

The dialogue from the film Deewar is so powerful, that it can almost be used in any Bollywood movie…

Deewar (The original)
Amitabh Bachchan: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Shashi Kapoor: Mere paas maa hain!

Paa
Abhisheik Bachchan: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai, political status hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Amitabh Bachchan: Mere paas maa hain!

Om Shanti Om
Arjun Rampal: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai, Hollywood career hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Shahrukh Khan: Mere paas pichhle janam ki maa hain!

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham…
Shahrukh Khan: Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai, London main business hai… tumhare paas kya hain?
Amitabh Bachchan: Mere paas tumhari maa hain!

Mother India
Sunil Dutt: Mere paas ghoda hain, bandook hain, power hai, paisa hai, gang hai, tumhare paas kya hain?
Rajendra Kumar: Mere paas maa hai!

3 Idiots
Aamir Khan: Mere paas.. maa nahin hai!
Kareena Kapoor: Mere paas… bhi maa nahin hai!
Aila ye kaisi movie hai!


Ghajini

Aamir Khan: Mere paas gaadi, bangla, bank balance… hain kya? Bhool gaya!
Aamir Khan again: Mere paas maa… hain kay? Bhool gaya!

Fictional Saas-bahu movie…
Pati: (Krodhit ho ke) Mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai… tumhare paas kya hai?
Patni: (Ro ro ke) Mere paas tumhari maa hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Those lucky Bollywood star children…

Tere baap ka raj hain kya?
Abhisheik Bachchan: Haan!

Don ko remake karta hai? Woh kahani kya tere baap ne likhi thi?
Farhan Akhtar: Haan!

Mere paas talent hain, tere paas kya hain?
Kareena: Mere paas maa, baap, behen, chacha, chachi, dada, pardada, chachera bhai…

Tu jaanta nahin mera baap kaun hai?
Nahin!
Aur mera baap?
Nahin!
Aur mera?
Nahin!
Saala, Bollywood
movies hi nahin dekhta!

© Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood movies on today’s politics…

Kab Tak Chhup Rahunga! followed by its sequel Meri Awaaz Suno, starring Manmohan Singh

Dilli Ka Thug, starring Baba Ramdev and directed by Diggy Raja

Ready (for PM’s post), starring Rahul Beta and directed by Diggy Raja

Golmaal 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8, a multi-star cast from UPA 2

Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge?, starring the Tatas and directed by Mamata

Hum Aapke Hain Koun…!, starring Karunanidhi and its sequel Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage, starring Jayalalitha, both directed by Sonia Gandhi

Pardes, a sweet love story about Indian black money dancing in Switzerland

Chor Machaye Shor & Paisa Khaaya To Darna Kya, starring Kanimozhi and Dayanidhi Maran

Beta, starring Rahul and directed by Sonia

UPA Teri Sarkar Maili, another multi-star cast from UPA 2

These versions by Sunil Rajguru