AAP’s free promises explained…

We will provide 15 lakh CCTV cameras (for our 15 lakh AAP supporters to conduct non-stop stings), free Wi-Fi (so that the 15 lakh stings may be passed about seamlessly), free power (so that the computers and mobiles never go off during these sting operations) and free water (so that hum sab chullu bhar paani main doob sake 2020 main).

Meanwhile our Internal Lokpal will be busy adjudicating these stings and never have time to focus on real issues and at the same time we will give millions of hours of free entertainment to all the hundreds of TV channels in India so that they will never ever focus on our governance or political misdeeds.

(Come to think of it, we should register ourselves as an entertainment company instead of a political party and we’d all be multi-billionaires in no time!)

© Sunil Rajguru

Why nobody is responsible for UPA scams…

Q1: Who was Coal Minister when Coalgate happened?
Q2: Who was Atomic Energy Minister when Thorium scam happened?
Q3: Who was Space Minister when ISRO scam happened?
Q4: Cash for votes helped which Prime Minister?
Q5: Who was Prime Minister when 2G, CWG, DIAL, Radia… scams happened?
A1/2/3/4/5: Manmohan Singh is the cleanest and most honest politician in the history of Independent India.

Q6: Then who is responsible?
A6: Since Manmohan is the cleanest and most honest politician in the history of Independent India and Sonia Gandhi wasn’t ever Prime Minister, nobody is responsible.

Q7: Raja claims he was taking orders from Manmohan. Can he be considered guilty?
A7: Since it is claimed that Manmohan was taking orders from Sonia, again, nobody is responsible.

Q8: What about the National Herald scam?
A8: Where is the scam?

Q9: Where did all the scam money go?
A9: Precisely! Nobody saw the scam money go anywhere and hence there was no scam money.

Q10: Where are the fabled acche din?
A10: Are you kidding? For scamsters they started in 1947 and are still continuing. Come to think of it, they really began during British rule!

Parting shot…
Good governance has many fathers but all scams are orphans.

© Sunil Rajguru

Aam Realignment Party…

After the latest sting, AAP calls horse trading as “political realignment”.

More suggestions…

Corruption = Economic realignment.

Not keeping promises = Verbal realignment.

U-turn = Reverse realignment.

Attack on BJP office = Realignment of stones.

Kicking out top leaders = Human resources realignment.

Kejriwal’s infamous dharna on the roads = Realignment of CM’s work space.

Khirki Extension raid = Realignment of blood and urine (samples).

Kejriwal running away from Delhi to Varanasi = Geographical realignment.

Kejriwal running away from Varanasi to Delhi = More geographical realignment.

Future power cuts = Realignment of electricity.

If taps go dry = Realignment of water.

Use of private plane instead of normal plane = Aerial realignment.

Anarchy = Non-stop democratic realignment.

Dubious funds from abroad = Global economic realignment.

Making Delhi government bankrupt and asking help from Centre = Realignment of funds.

Lying = Realignment of truth.

© Sunil Rajguru

When there was a sting in the AAP…

Whether they have 0 or 28 or 67/70 seats, their entertainment value is 100/100.
‪#‎AAPBreakUp‬

2013: Kejriwal quit in 49 days.
2015: Everyone else will quit within 49 days.

There were chain letters.
There were chain emails.
The current rage in AAP is chain stings.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

England’s defeat in Casablanca quotes…

Ref 1: When Bangla kicked Eng out of the World Cup.
Ref 2: Casablanca.

England’s reaction…
We’ll always have the Ashes!

Bangladesh to England…
“Here’s looking at you, kid.”

Fan: Why are we such a lousy ODI team?
ECB: Round up the usual suspects.

Fan: Where were you in 1992?
Team: That’s so long ago, I don’t remember.

Fan: Will I see you in 2019?
Team: I never make plans that far ahead.

English fan to team after elimination…
Not an easy day to forget.I remember every detail. The Bangladeshis wore green, you wore blue.

To the future…
You know how you sound? Like a man who’s trying to convince himself of something he doesn’t believe in his heart.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Bangladesh kicked England out of the World Cup…

Ref: Bangladesh versus England.

Angrezo ne India ke tukde tukde kar diye,
fir cricket main har tukde se haara England.
‪#‎India‬ + ‪#‎Pakistan‬ + ‪#‎Bangladesh‬ = (Tiguna Lagaan)

England may be a great Test team, but they have just been bestowed the minnow status in ODIs.

Who is more pathetic?
a) India in overseas Tests.
b) West Indies in all Tests.
c) South Africa in knockout matches.
d) Pakistan when it decides to self-destruct.
e) England in ODI World Cups.
Ye kaisi paheli hai?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru