Some Kapil Sibal censorship musings…

∙ Diggy Raja to Sibal: Jitni shaurat mujhe politics main chaalis saal main nahin mili, us-se jyaada tumhe cyberspace main ek chaalis minute ke press conference ke baad mili!

∙ Kapil, what you are trying to do on the Internet is imposibal!

Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen dost…Sibal, Diggy aur Stupidity…

Sone… <Kapil Sibal joins Facebook>
…pe suhaaga… < Facebook introduces Hate button>

Ab har Mummy apne bete se kahegi…
Log off kar de beta, warna Kapil Sibal aa jaayega!

Saare netizens Darr rahe kyunki Cyber Dada aa raha hai… we are afraid of you K K K K K Kapil!

∙ Google India is thinking that if it can get a cent for every sentence against Sibal on Google, it could substantially increase its revenues.

© Sunil Rajguru

How to douse the fire a la Sibal…

Sibal: Cyberspace main aag lagi hai!
(Bhai sahab ne ek baalti uthai aur uske andar ka samagri ko aag main daal diya…)
Advisor: Sahab, woh baalti main paani nahin tel tha!
Sibal: Oops! I did it again!
Arthath: UPA ka fire-fighting phir tel lene gaya!

Advisor on December 5: Sir, there are about 7.2 million status messages, Tweets and pictures against the Congress!
Advisor on December 7: Sir, there are about 2.4 million status messages, Tweets and pictures against the Congress!
Sibal: So my press conference was a grand success!
Advisor: Errr…. Now there are 934.3 million status messages, Tweets and pictures against you sir!

© Sunil Rajguru

How to catch the Internet with a Net…

The Government of India has just issued an Order…

Book Facebook!
Catch the Twitter Twits!
Log the Blogs for libel!
Take the yahoo out of Yahoo!
Shoot the MSN messenger!
In short…
Fence Cyberspace!
Catch the Internet with a Net!

Overheard…

An IT Minister: All I’m asking is for half-a-dozen companies to sift through a few billion status updates, pictures and links every day and remove the millions of pieces of content that are offensive to us. How unreasonable is that? These websites, I tell you…

A Congress Worker: That’s against us… that’s against us… that’s against us… (after a few thousand “That’s against us-es”)… hey! that’s against a particular community! Now we have finally got our peg!

© Sunil Rajguru

Cyberspace, you’re breaking my heart

So the Indian government wants to censor Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, MSN… again.

IT Minister Kapil Sibal is furious. Here’s a theme song especially for him…

Please read to the tune of Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart, by Simon and Garfunkel.

(Sibal…)

Cyberspace, you’re breaking my heart,
You’re shaking my confidence daily,
Oh, Cyberspace, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please to censor those…

Cyberspace, you’re upsetting the applecart,
You’re shaking the government daily,
Oh, Cyberspace, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please to stop being so loathsome…

Getting hate in those cartoons n pix in Cyberspace,
Up in my office computer (getting hate),
I got up to speak in a PC,
When I come back to the net,
There’s a few more tonnes of hate…

Cyberspace, you’re a big ole fart,
You’re leaving all of us politicians shaking with rage daily,
Oh, Cyberspace, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please to get lost…
Go on, get lost…

(Cyberspace…)

Desperation,
The government’s lost it again,
I fall on the floor and I laughing,

Desperation,
The government’s lost it again,
I fall on the floor and I’m laughin…

(Original Song: Cecilia.
Group: Simon and Garfunkel.
Year: 1970)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

How FDI in retail is very much relevant in UP…

Rahul: Don’t worry, FDI in retail in UP is irrelevant!
First voter: Two double negatives is a positive, na?
Second voter: Yes!
First voter: Then if an irrelevant person says that an issue is irrelevant, then that thing becomes relevant, na?
Second voter: I guess!

The two ailing stages of every politician arrested in India for a scam.
ail1…
Guilty!
How?
Jail!
ail2…
Innocent
How?
Bail!
…or how Kanimozhi went from being guilty to innocent and how her father celebrated this transformation in Chennai…

© Sunil Rajguru