Tag Archives: Sonia

Congress mobile terminology

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Sonia: Out of your coverage area.

Rahul: Network error.

Spokespersons: Voice with no data.

PM: Silent mode.

Spokespersons: Loud ringtone and vibrate mode.

SMS: Something that spreads baseless rumours.

MMS: Parody of the original MMS! Ban it!

Mobile Internet: Twitter! Facebook! Ban it!

International roaming: If it concerns the dynasty, then RTI doesn’t apply.

Talk time: If it’s Congress spokespersons, 24X7. All others: Zero.

EDGE: Enhanced Dynastic Rate for Gandhis’ Evolution.

Voice over Internet Protocol: Can we actually yell at people while they surf the Internet!

1G: Motilal Nehru, first generation Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.

2G: Spectrum for scam allocation.

3G: Future scam potential spectrum.

4G: Sonia, fourth generation dynasty.

5G: Rahul, fifth generation dynasty. And like 5G (the technology), is very undercooked and years away from maturing and hitting the market.

These Versions by Sunil Rajguru

A government of extremes…

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Sonia kam bolti hain aur baaki sab kuch jyaada hi,

Manmohan ki umar ab jyaada lagti aur Rahul ki kam,

Prices are continuously soaring and allies’ trust is crashing,

There’s inflation in the economy, but a recession in credibility,

Congress is 54 short of majority, but behaves as if it’s 54 in excess,

Rs 1.76 lakh crore bahut kam hai, par Team Anna Hazare ke hazaron kuch jyaada hi,

2014 bahut door hai aur 2011 ko jhelna bahut hi mushkil!

© Sunil Rajguru

Oh Lord! We are thankful for…

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OK, the Congress Government is under a lot of flak and everything seems to be going totally wrong.

However, it has still given us many things to be thankful for…

(Don’t they tell us to count our blessings?)

Dear Sonia Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister in 2004, a move that would have turned the country’s top post into a 24X7 tamasha by your belligerent detractors.
Thanks for engaging Civil Society in the decision making process even though, like RTI, it has turned totally against you in the end.

Dear Manmohan Singh,
Thank you for being an honest and clean head of state in this cesspool of corruption, even though you couldn’t do anything about it, or maybe you have, merely by letting it out in the open.
Thanks for never ever have used bad, unparliamentary or abusive language, like many other so called great politicians and for always conducting yourself with dignity and grace.
Thanks for your concern over nuclear energy.
Who knows, it may yet become India’s best idea in 20-30 years!

Dear Kapil Sibal,
Thank you for getting those pesky telecallers off my back!
Thank you for at least trying for a badly needed major educational reform in this country.
If you were a little less arrogant, then people might actually notice your many achievements.

Dear Jairam Ramesh,
Thanks for scuttling a lot of schemes that would have otherwise destroyed the environment and at least trying sincerely for much needed land reforms in the country.

Dear Ajay Maken,
Thank you for taking on rich powers like the BCCI and not giving tax rebates to even richer sports like F1.

Dear Mani Shankar Aiyar,
Thank you for being the biggest critic of your own government.

Dear Digvijay Singh,
Thank you for providing so much fodder to cartoonists and humour writers.
Without you, India would be a much less interesting place than it is now.

Dear Rahul Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister… yet. You will definitely get that post one day, it is your birth right, but you haven’t earned it… yet.

Dear Congress,
Thank you for giving this country political stability in the last seven years despite having just 27% seats in the Lok Sabha from 2004-09 and 38% thereafter.

Yours Gratefully,
Sunil Rajguru

Absolutely faaltu coincidences

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Notice how major players in the UPA have the letters A-N-N-A in them?

(Arthath, in sab main ANNA hain!)

soNiA gANdhi

mANmohAN singh

pAlaNiappAN chidambaram

Ak ANtoNy

ANANd sharma

jayANthi NAtarajan

m kAruNANidhi

Others don’t know how to spell ANNA and do so with only three letters A-N-A, so do they require a bit of name-changing numerology magic?

(Arthath, in sab main sirf thoda ANNA (barah ANA?) hain!)

prANAb mukherjee

sAlmNA khurshid

mANish tiwAri

Abhishek mANu singhvi

reNukA chowdAry

AmbikA soNi

Ajay mAkaN

This version by Sunil Rajguru

September 2011 Status Updates

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∙ Aal Izz Well?
Really? Howz that?
There’s no Rancho is UPA2.

∙ Sonia’s mystery illness discovered.
She’s totally sick of the cancer of corruption and the virus of party infighting.
Still unwell as cure nowhere in sight.

(September 30)

∙ Breaking News: The news related to 2G has already been broken and broken down so many times that is has turned into a fine powder to surround the very air, sorry spectrum, around us like an invisible mist.

∙ The Congress is now planning a DND against the Opposition, Civil Society and Common Citizen till 2014.

∙ An astrologer told Manmohan in 2009 that his Rajyog would continue till 2014.
On rechecking the note in 2011, it actually said ‘Raja’yog.

∙ 2G ghotala Rule No. 23…
Chidambaram’s Bureau of Investigation cannot investigate Chidambaram.
How dare you ask?

∙ The Government has realized the error of Rs 32 per day as a poverty line.
The new amount is Rs 4.20.
That way poverty will be eradicated from India forever.
Ho gaya Bharat Nirman!
Jao sab ameer log ghar jaake so jao!

∙ The cash for votes scam story till now…
Accept bribe. Go to jail.
Arrange bribe. Go to jail.
Expose bribe. Go to jail.
Give bribe… em… nobody gave the bribe!

∙ Will the Judicial Accountability Bill cover reality show judges?
Most of them are horrendous and have no judging talent whatsoever.

∙ Flash: India has just been declared a Developed Country.
That’s thanks to the Rs 33 per day “rich” quota and Paris Hilton’s generosity.
In fact we are doing so well that New Delhi will be renamed New Paris.

∙ Mausam review…
Serendipity meets Ayodhya and drags on till Godhra…

Jab tak Sooraj Chand rahega,
Dev Anand ka flop film rahega…
(I think he has had just one superhit after I was born).

The Government is dead.
Please observe 2-minute silence.
As for Manmohan, he’s observing a 2-year silence.

∙ In India, a human life is worth less that Rs 27.
With Rs 33 however, it becomes rich.
The mathematics never adds up in real life.

(September 27)

∙ To aakhir PC ko bhi Corruption Virus lag hi gaya.
Sonia bimaar. Rahul Baba pareshan. Aadhi Janta Tihar main.
Sirf MMS hi immune lag raha hai…

(September 26)

∙ Even after retirement, Shoaib Akhtar has the ability to chuck, land no balls and beamers!
Enough Free Hits for his critics and detractors.
Controversially Yours = Predictably Yours.

(September 24)

∙ The Metro Monsoon song…
Shanghai-Singapore nahin,
to Venice hi sahin,
Ye hai Delhi-Mumbai ji,
Kyunki baarish hui hain abhi abhi…

∙ A Time of Healing is on the horizon in Indian cricket.
Soon fatigue will be forgotten and small injuries brushed under the carpet.
This Time of Healing is also known as the Champions League.

(September 17)

∙ The way Federer was continously Nadalized in the past, Nadal is totally Novaked out these days!

(September 13)

∙ Old Saying: Delhi door hai.
New Saying: Sachin ka sauwa shatak door hai.

∙ The UPA Government has also done a great deal of good.
It’s just a Kabhi Schemes Kabhi Scams type of Government.

∙ We are all perennial teachers.
We are all perennial students.
Happy Teacher’s Day, to everyone, from everyone!

∙ Dear Anna Hazare,
Happy Teacher’s Day,
Warm regards,
The BJP.
(P.S. You sure did teach the Congress a good lesson!)

(September 5)

© Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 4…

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Advani (aloud): I get up every day thinking that if I was Prime Minister today, then all these scams wouldn’t have taken place!

Sushma (to herself): I get up every day thinking that had you quit gracefully in 2004, I would have led the party to victory in 2009. I fear you will be around in 2014 too.

Somewhere far away…

Manmohan: How does the cleanest PM in the history of India attract the maximum amount of muck? This can’t be happening to me!

Sonia: Ah! Life is so peaceful! Thanks God I turned down the PM’s post in 2004! Now I have all the power and none of the responsibility and headaches!

Rahul: Mera kya hoga re Mamma!

Elsewhere…

First Politician: How come you respect Manmohan so much nowadays? You used to oppose him non-stop when he became PM in 2004?

Second Politician: Then he had absolutely no political experience.

First Politician: So now just 6-7 years in power is enough, eh?

Second Politician: Of course! Look at his portfolio now! 2G, CWG, Adarsh, IPL, black money, votes for cash, WikiLeaks… the list is endless… now he has more political experience than even Jawaharlal Nehru or Indira Gandhi!

© Sunil Rajguru