Tag Archives: MMS

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 3…

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His multiple choices …
a) First Manmohan Singh became Economist.
b) Second he became Bureaucrat.
c) Third he became Politician.
d) Finally he became “None of the Above”.

Q: What do you think of the Economy Problem?
Manmohan: Eco-No-My Problem!

The Great Depression has begun in India.
(It’s not just the economy stupid.
Every citizen is greatly depressed with Congress rule.)

In 2011, Congress entered quicksand.
Had they gracefully stayed still, they could have been saved.
But they have been pushing, screaming and kicking to go totally down under.

Citizen 1: There’s no evidence that he’s a politician.
Citizen 2: There’s no evidence that he’s an economist.
Citizen 3: There’s no evidence that he’s the Prime Minister!

Ship India is leaking and instead of plugging the holes, they are trying to plug the mouths of those pointing at the holes.

The 3 Ps of Sonia’s life are Party, Puppet and Pappu.

Like colleges have guest lecturers, India has a guest Prime Ministerial candidate.
#Pappu

The new Panchsheel of RTI…
1. Stall.
2. Refuse point blank.
3. Kill RTI activist.
4. Declare files missing.
5. Dilute with Amendment.

Manmohan Singh: The Father of Polinomics.
Half (Politicize economics)
+ Half (Economize politics)
= Zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings 2…

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The current crisis is much worse than 1991 because this time there’s no Narasimha Rao to bail us out.

Rupee. Petrol. Economy. Inflation. Corruption. Naxalism. Pak. China. 2G. Coalgate. Missing files. Opposition. Dissent. Parliament logjam…
Too many problems: Men freeze and do nothing.
‪#‎MMS‬

When the Rupee, Onion and Petrol all touch Rs 80, petrol pumps ($1=1 litre) and vegetable vendors ($1=1 kg) will be told to accept $1 bills to solve the change problem.

Bhaag Files Bhaag.
Koyala kaala hai,
Badmasho ne paala,
Andar kaala, baahar kaala,
Sab ghotala hai saala…
‪#‎Coalgate‬

The Father of Reforms: Narasimha Rao.
The Father of Deforms: Manmohan Singh.

Since 2004, Osama has been nabbed, Prabhakaran been killed, Mubarak has fallen, an African American has become US President…
Bas Manmohan nahin sudhrega.

The Coalgate files are not missing.
Their RTI access has been revoked for the common citizen.

Every morning MMS gets up hoping to make India a better place.
Every night he sleeps knowing he has failed.
Don’t worry. Just a few hundred days more.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings…

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Files go missing.
Goods go missing.
Grains go missing.
Money goes missing.
Rs 1.76L crore goes missing.
Prime Minister MSingh as good as missing.

Dear Prime Minister,
Tumhaare hazaron scams ke jawabon se damning hai ek scam ki files ki khaamoshi.
#MissingCoalgateFiles

Sign in restaurant…
Please settle all your bills before you leave.
Sign in Indian Parliament…
Please settle all your Bills before you leave.

Mega film Coalgate =
Golmaal + Gayab + Kala Patthar + Koyla + Kaalia + Hera Pheri + How Green Was My Valley + Gunday.

Pluto downgraded. (Planet to Dwarf Planet)
Onion upgraded. (Food Crop to Cash Crop)

Agar koi Snowden-Assange type character Indian politics ke dealings expose kare to poora Encyclopaedia India-na bhar jaayega.

Food Security Bill = Economy Insecurity Bill.

Will the Kasab Biryani Fund now sponsor Abdul Tunda or will we have a new Tunde Kabab Fund?

The IAS should rename itself to the IPS…
Indian Politicians’ Servants.

The Full Circle Man…
When Manmohan entered politics, economy had crashed, now that he’s going it’s crashing again.
When Manmohan entered PM’s chair, Sensex tanked, now he’s going it’s tanking again.

A cat has 9 lives.
Congress has had 10.
(It has won 10 General Elections).
If they win in 2014, then it’ll be the BJP that’ll be dead.

Sholay 2014…
Loha (Congress) garam hai (reeling from scams/economy), maar do hathoda (Modi).

Manmohan: No going back to 1991.
What he meant: We have already passed it and gone into the 1980s.
Now 1970s beckon. (Garibi Hatao, Emergency, Opposition/People backlash, Anti-Congressism…)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How Modi lost debates with every single Congress leader…

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First candidate: Manmohan Singh.

Modi: Question 1…
MMS: Madam se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Question 2…
MMS: Pappu se poochke aata hu.
Modi: Questions 3 to 1002.
MMS: Hazaron jawabon se achhi hai meri khaamoshi.
Modi: I give up!

Candidate 2: Salman Khurshid.

Modi: When I become Prime Minister tomorrow…
Khurshid: Forget tomorrow, I will make your Modi Today as Modi Yesterday.
Modi: When I come to Delhi…
Khurshid: Come to Delhi, but how will you go back?
Modi: That’s the idea, I’ll stay there!
Khurshid: Aaye Delhi par naa jaaye Delhi se to jeet to meri hi hui na?
Modi: Facepalm.

Candidate 3: Pappu.

Modi: Gujarat is a…
Pappu: Beehive!
Modi: When I become PM…
Pappu: Not happening man!
Modi: OK, tell me what you will do when you become PM?
Pappu: But I don’t want to be PM.
Modi: Then what are you doing here?
Pappu: I don’t know, you called me!
Modi: Arrrggghhhh!!!!

Candidate 4: Sonia.

Modi monologues for more than an hour.
Sonia’s secretary: Under RTI, Sonia cannot reveal anything to you. Goodbye!
Modi… speechless…

Candidate 5: Kapil Sibal.

Modi: Gujarat development…. blah blah blah… statistics and figures… blah blah blah… examples and anecdotes… blah blah blah… phew! I’m tired.
Sibal: Into Zero. Everything you have said is zero and hence the Congress party has suffered Zero Loss in this debate. I win. Bye!
Modi: What the…

Candidate 6: Shashi Tharoor.

Modi: 50 crore girlfriend!
Tharoor: She is priceless!
Modi: I have developed thousands of crores blah blah blah…
Tharoor: My contribution is priceless!
Modi: I have great love for this country.
Tharoor: My love is priceless!
Modi: Thanks to the Congress India has lost thousands of crores of Rupees.
Tharoor: But India is priceless! If you take away thousands of crores from something that is priceless, it remains priceless!

Candidate 7: Jairam Ramesh.

Modi: Development…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Growth rate…
Ramesh: Fascist!
Modi: Congress has ruined…
Ramesh: Fascist!
(Modi to himself: This reminds me of my debate with the mainstream media. Yahan kuch nahin ho sakta.)

Candidate 8: Manish Tewari.

Tewari: Holistic… moral… fascist… dictatorial… Nazi… holistic… empowerment… holistic…
Modi: Bhaaago!!!! Isko koi dus second bhi kaise jhel sakta hai, bhagwaan jaane!

Candidate 9: Diggy Raja.

Diggy: 2002!
Modi: 1984!
Diggy: Yes, 1984 was orchestrated by RSS, so I lead 2-0!
Modi: Economy!
Diggy: Actually ruined by the RSS’ influence on the makhauta that was Vajpayee from 1998-2004.
Modi: Pakistan, China, scams, Vadra, arrogance…
Diggy: All RSS!
Modi: What do I have to do to get a proper debate out of you without you mentioning the RSS?
Diggy: Travel back in time and don’t join the RSS!
Modi: Tu jeeta. Absolutely no-one can counter your RSS*!
(*=Really Stupid Statements)

Candidate 10: Renuka Chowdhury.

Modi speaks for an hour and all that while Renuka in turns looks away, looks haughtily, looks bored, looks at Modi with great disgust…
At the end of Modi’s monologue he looks at her and says: Your turn.
Renuka remarks: Main kya koi tota hu kya, ki Modi ne bola bol aur main bolu? Bye!

Candidate 11: AK Antony

Antony comes, looks at Modi and says: This is not Modi, but someone dressed as Modi, so I am walking out…

© Sunil Rajguru

Independence Day Battle of Speeches: Modi vs MMS

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Modi doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because it’s extempore.)
Manmohan also doesn’t know what he’s saying before a speech.
(Because someone else has written it and he’s given it at the last moment.)

Modi has earned the right to be called Shadow Prime Minister.
Today the Prime Minister was in Modi’s Shadow.

Ask not what the country can do for you, ask not what you can do for the country, ask nothing, say nothing.
—Manmohan Singh
‪#‎TheekHai‬

Congressman: Sigh! No Independence from Modi even on Independence Day!

Q: Sir what did you think of India’s Independence Day speech.
Manmohan Singh: Theek tha, but he shouldn’t have attacked me so much!
‪#‎TheekHai‬

The problem with watching Manmohan Singh’s speech is that I funnily get the feeling that any time now he’s going to burst into tears.

This is the first time in our history that Prime Minister’s Independence Day Speech was overshadowed in hours.
People even listened to Deve Gowda’s Hindi speech with attention.

Remember the good ole school debating days.
First candidate comes, speaks diffidently, second takes his content and rips it apart.

Why is this being touted as Manmohan’s last I-Day speech?
What if he emerges as a consensus candidate in a badly hung Parliament in 2014?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on Manmohan Singh the great economist…

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Cash for votes scam and Nuclear Deal came together.
Instead of nuclear energy being kick started, it was the scams that went critical and became a chain reaction to blow up the economy.

What are the chances?
1991: Manmohan lays the foundation stone for India’s new economy.
2014: Same person lays its tombstone.

Once Oxbridge used to build nations, today they destroy them.
‪#‎MMS‬ ‪#‎Pappu‬ ‪#‎Khurshid‬ ‪#‎Mani‬
Once Harvard alumni used to build the economy, today they destroy it.
‪#‎Bush‬ ‪#‎Chidu‬ ‪#‎ZeroLossSibal‬

Manmohan…
The only man to have given 1300 official speeches and still said nothing.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru