Chitthi aayi hai Anna se…

(So Anna Hazare has written a letter to the government on the issue of corruption and Lokpal after a long time… Anna speaks to the government through this letter… Please sing to the tune of Chitthi aayi hai from Naam…)

Chitthi aayi hai, aayi hai,
Chitthi aayi hai,
Chitthi aayi hai Anna se,
Chitthi aayi hai,
Bade dino ke baad,
Hum bhrastachariyo ko yaad,
Ralegaon Sidhi ki mitti aayi hai,
Chitthi aayi hai…

Upar mera scam likha hai,
Andar ye Anna ka paigham likha hai…
“O Tihar ko jaane waale,
Laut ke phir se aane waale,
FIR, CBI jaanch paar gaya tu,
Desh ko ekdum badnaam kar gaya tu,
Imaandari ke rishte todh gaya tu,
Aankh main aasu chhodh gaya tu,
Kam khaate hain, kam sote hain,
Bahut zyaada hum rote hain.”
Chitthi aayi hai …

“Sooni ho gayi insaaf ki galiyaan,
Kaante ban gayi saare kaliyaan,
Kehte hain Lokpal ke waade,
Yaad kiya main, tum ekdum bhoole,
Lokpal bin jab aaya Swantantrata Diwas,
Aisa laga ki aaya amavasya,
Lokapl bin jab aayi Diwali,
Deep nahin dil jale hain khaali,
Peepal soona panghat soona,
Ghar shamshaan ka bana namoona,
Fasal kati aayi Baisakhi,
Lokpal ka aana raha gaya baaki.”
Par chitthi aayi hai …

“Pehle jab tu khat likhta tha,
Meetings main chehera dikhta tha,
Bandh hua ye mel bhi ab to,
Khatam hua woh khel bhi ab to,
August Kranti manch par jab baitha main,
Beech ka raasta dekh raha tha main,
Main to boodha hu, mera kya hai,
Mere desh ka haal bura hai,
Sab neta log khaate hai mewa,
Desh ki soorat lagti hai bewa,
Tumne paisa bahut hai khaaya,
Is paise ne desh ko marwaya,
Lokpal pinjra todh ke aaja…”

(Original Song: Chitthi aayi hai…
Film: Naam.
Year: 1986)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Books and Authors: Indian politics section

The Merchant of 2G: A Raja

Discovery of Corruption in India: Subramanian Swamy

Decline And Fall of the Congress Empire:
Anna Hazare

Death of a Prime Minister:
An autobiography by Manmohan Singh

Invisible Man:
A biography of Manmohan Singh by LK Advani

Such a Long Journey, A Story of all my Rath Yatras: LK Advani

I Follow the Anna:
Kiran Bedi

Blind Men of Hindoostan in The Corruption War: Arvind Kejriwal

The Book of Revelations, India Chapter: Julian Assange

A Suitable Boy (For the PM’s Post): Diggy Raja

Diggy Raja in RSSland: Where our hero plays the Mad Hatter, the grinning Cheshire Cat and the Mocking Turtle all in one for the Queen of Hearts of the Congress Party

All’s Well That Ends Well, A Prediction for 2014: Kapil Sibal

All the Queen’s Spokesmen: Manish Tiwari

Character Assassination of a PM: Pranab Mukherjee

A Statue for Ms Mayawati: Satish Misra

Only Full Stops in India:
Prashant Bhushan

Anna Hazare Ha, Ha, Ha: Mani Shankar Aiyar

Lokpal-The Gathering Storm: Anna Hazare

The Prisoners of Tihar: Amar Singh

Passage to England: MS Dhoni

Passage to India: Alastair Cook

The Lokpal Odyssey Series…

1963: Odyssey One, 1968: Odyssey Two, 1971: Odyssey Three, 1985: Odyssey Four, 1989: Odyssey Five, 2011: Odyssey Six…

Coming Soon: Lokapl, the Final Odyssey: Abhishek Manu Singhvi

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Lokpal’s Divine Comedy…

1963: Lokpal Version 1.0.
Creator: Papa Singhvi. PM: Pardada Nehru.

1968: Version 2.0.
Introducer: Papa Bhushan. PM: Dadi Gandhi.

1971: v3.0. 1977: v4.0.

1985: v5.0. PM: Papa Gandhi.

1989: v6.0. 2001: v7.0. 2005: v8.0. 2008: v9.0.

2011: v10.0 not cleared by Parliament.

Rejoice!
v11.0 now to be branded as Lokpal Strong Ultra Version 11.0.

Dramatis personae & Descandants, circa 2011…
Beta Singhvi (Head of Standing Committee), Mamma Gandhi (Congress President), Beta Bhushan (Team Anna) and Mahatma Gandhi Version 2.0 (a.k.a. Anna Hazare).

Lonely Lokpal’s song…
Saare bhrastachariyo ka bojh hum uthate hain,
Sarkare aate hain, sarkare jaate hain,
Par hum yahin pe khade raha jaate hain…

Burning Question…
Will Beta Gandhi finally manage to make it a reality when he finally becomes Prime Minister one day?

Inscription for all those staring at the Lokpal Hell Gate…
Abandon hope all ye who enter here!

This version by Sunil Rajguru

August 2011 Status Updates

Anna Hazare on fast. Loses 3 kgs in 3 days.
Congress credibility also on fast. Has lost so much weight that very soon it will be hospitalized and put on drip.

(August 19)

A CongPal Resolution has been passed by which the Congress party will be protected at any cost; Desh, Lok, Anna sab gaye tel lene!

Many years ago, they made a Tryst with Corruption. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the whole world slept, they looted the nation.
Here’s wishing India Independence from these corrupt blokes.
(I know that’s impossible, but hey! A wish is a wish!)

(August 15)

The three avatars of BSY…
Pre-2008: Godot (Wait, I’m coming one day)
2008-2011: FevicolMan (Meri aur gaddi ki majboot jod hai, tootegi nahin!)
2011: Terminator (I’ll be back!)

(August 14)

Overheard…
A US President: I just upgraded my Blackberry and downgraded my country!

In light of the Gold prices, from now on in India a Platinum Jubilee will be celebrated after 50 years and a Golden Jubilee after 75 years.

Roller Coaster Duncan Fletcher…
When Fletcher took over England, they were at the bottom. He took them to the top.
(Then to the bottom again)
When Fletcher took over India, they were at the top. He took them to the…
Either way, it’s a roller coaster. India riding up or down from Birmingham?

(August 9)

A Second Recession in the US?
I have a feeling that they have merely split the Second Depression into two parts for some positive spin and good press.

America needs a new AAA battery.
Anyone has a spare?

(August 8 )

Is it a one down batsman?
Is it a temporary wicketkeeper?
Is it a makeshift opener?
Is it a taken-for-granted rock solid wall?
Is it a recalled ODI batsman?
No!
It’s DravidMan!
Dhan-tana!!!

Dear India,
No action will be taken against Sheila as she refuses to quit and her boss is on sick leave.
Regards,
A grand 126-year old party.

(August 7)

Haar ke baad Yuvi-Bhajji bimaar…
CWG probe se Kalmadi ka dimaag bimaar…
Scams ka tsunami ke baad Sonia bimaar…

India is one really Bimaru nation!

Manmohan Singh looks so peaceful with his headphones in Parliament.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that he listens to soothing music and not the transcripts of MPs!

(August 5)

2007-2009 T20 World Champs.
2009-2011 Test World Champs.
2011-2015 ODI World Champs.
Indian fans stop complaining!
We’ve never been called world champs for 8 long years!
Which brings me to the Indian Cricket Rule: To wear a new world crown, you have to remove the one that’s already on your head!

(August 2)

© Sunil Rajguru

June 2011 Status Updates

∙ R.I.P. LokPal. You never really had a chance.
Long live LokPol scams!
Diggy jeeta. Anna hara.
Jao sab ghar jaa ke so jao.

∙ Diggy Raja’s foot partially eclipsed his mouth some months back.
The eclipse is expected to last till atleast till Rahul Beta becomes PM.
After that, the eclipse will be total!

(June 30)

∙ News: MMS says that he is not a lame duck PM.
Comment: True! At least a lame duck has one good leg!

(June 29)

∙ Good News: Baba Ramdev out of danger.
Bad News: Lokpal Bill still in ICU.

(June 11)

∙ Once eager to give Baba Ramdev a banquet, the Congress right now is not even interested in giving him Fast Food…

(June 10)

∙ Fasting Anna. Fleeing Baba. Weeping Acharya. Dancing Sushma. Shoehurling “journo”. Fuming Sibal. Loosetalking Diggy. Unfortunate Singh. Unavoidable tamasha. Silent Sonia. Invisible Rahul. Returning Sadhavi…
Ye Bill LokPal Bill nahin, LokNatak hai!
P.S. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s developments!

(June 7)

∙ There was this Facebook birthday wish refrain,
Which came like a runaway train,
Not once but again,
and again and again,
and again and again and again!

(June 6)

∙ Like Good Cop Bad Cop, Cong plays a version of Good Politician Bad Politician on all issues, with Digvijay Singh always being the Bad Politician…

(June 4)

© Sunil Rajguru

Twisted nursery rhymes suitable for Corruption…

Baa Baa, Black Sheep
Bah! Bah! Black money, have you any bribes?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for the minister, one for his aide,
and one for the official who needs it again and again.

Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush
Here we go round the Lokpal bush,
The Lokpal bush,
The Lokpal bush.
Here we go round the Lokpal bush,
On each and every morning.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch the corrupt politician by the toe.
When he screams let him go,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Humpty Dumpty
Congress Credibility sat on a wall,
Congress Credibility had a great fall.
All the queen’s Sibals and all the queen’s Diggys,
Couldn’t put Credibility together again.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
It’s raining scams; it’s pouring scams.
Old man Manmohan is snoring.
He went to bed and bumped his head,
And he couldn’t get up in the morning.

Jack and Jill
Diggy and Kapil went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of supporters.
Diggy fell down and broke his crown,
And Kapil came tumbling after.

Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The Baba ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The Baba jumped down,
Hickory, dickory, dock.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru