Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai…

Please sing to the tune of Rangeela‘s Kya kare kya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai,
Koi to bata de iska hal o mere bhai,
Ki ek taraf to paise se pyaar kare hum,
Aur game ko khelne se darrein hum.

Roz roz hum sochta yahi,
Aaj humko chance mil jaaye kahin,
To aisa khelega saala vaisa khelega,
Khullam khulla bat aur ball pe hamla karega,
Par jab rokda saamne chamakti hai,
Saans hi atakti hai,
Aur ye ball jaati hai fisal,

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai,
Koi to bata de iska hal o mere bhai,
Ki ek taraf to paise se pyaar kare hum,
Aur game ko khelne se darrein hum.

Koi badi baat nahin humein fix karna tha jo bhi,
Vo to hum yoohi karte magar,
Phir bhi kaha nahin vajah iski hai yehi,
Bas garibi se humko hai darr,
Ab fixing ka paisa chhode ya na chhode,
Fixing ko haan kahe ya na kahe,
Soch soch main hi match gayi nikal…

Fix kare ya na kare ye kaisi mushkil hai,
Koi to bata de iska hal o mere bhai,
Hey bhai mere bhai,
O mere bhai,
Hey bhai mere bhai
O mere bhai.

(Ab “bhai” hi batayega iska hal!)
.
(Original Song: Kya Kare Kya Na Kare
Film: Rangeela
Year: 1995)

Some World Cup South Africanisms…

South African cricket team’s theme songs…
Dil to choke-ra hai ji!
Na na karte choke hum phir kar baithe…

The slogan…
Choke de South Africa!

National flower…
Chokeas

An art movie of their exploits…
Choker Bali

A PJ…
With South Africa, nothing is final. It’s only semi-final and quarter-final.

Hindi sayings…
Pata nahin ye kis janam ka badla choke-a raha hai
Koi chakke marta hai, koi chauke maarta hai to koi choke pe choke maarta hai.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Who will win the cricket world cup?

Pakistan?
That depends on whether there is more money in winning or losing.
.
South Africa?
That depends on their sense of humour and their ability to crack a choke.
.
England?
They just won the Ashes comprehensively. They don’t want the cup. They are already ready to retire.
.
India?
If that happens then beleagured Manmohan Singh will be booted out and Sachin Tendulkar will be made the Prime Minister.
.
Australia?
A fourth title in a row means that you can just scrap world cup 2015 to save everyone the agony and declare them permanent champions.
.
West Indies?
If someone hands Clive Lloyd and Viv Richards a bat maybe, they are already in India and seem to have all the answers.
.
This version by Sunil Rajguru

Desperate co-incidences for the believers…

mahendra-singh-dhoni-5835730_1280India will win the 2011 cricket world cup because…

1. In 1983, Clive Lloyd was chasing his third world cup title as captain. That situation has repeated itself only in 2011 when Ricky Ponting is chasing his third title. Naturally, this time also India will play the spoiler.

2. The last time an Indian scored 175 against a minnow in a world cup (Kapil Dev 175*, Zimbabwe, 1983), we won the tournament.
This time Virender Sehwag scored 175 against Bangladesh.

3. Whenever captain MS Dhoni is about to win a global title, he effects a tie in the tournament. In the 2007 T20 WC, we tied against Pakistan. In the 2010 Champions League, Chennai Superkings tied against Victoria Bushrangers and won the title. In the 2011 WC, he has already tied a match against England.

4. For the first time ever, the final is in Mumbai. Mumbai is home to the great Sachin Tendulkar. And this is the last cup that Sachin will play. Looks like a divine setting and Sachin is God.

5. The Sub-continent Cycle Rule: From 1983-96, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka won the title once each. From 1999-2007, India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka were runners-up once each. Now India will begin the new round of the victory cycle from 2011.

ICC aur bagawat

Dhoni: Maine bola tha na, UDRS nahin chalega!

Dalmiya: Tune mujhe hi nahin, poore West Bengal ko lalkara hai.

BCCI: Pawarsaheb, tum us paar jaake badal gaye ho.

Pak: Mere country ko matches se kangal kiya. Mere players ko ban kiya. Chhodunga nahin!

Ireland: Hame 2015 se nikal diya? Le world cup record pe record…

Finance Dept: Suffer with UDRS, we cannot afford more technology like hot spot…

Manmohan: ICC head honcho sahab, aap hamare bhi ally ho na?

This Version by Sunil Rajguru

Latest Pak match-fixing scorecard…

Shahid Afridi: Refused to bat

Salman Butt (c): Out Caught, 10 years

Mohammad Asif: Out Caught, 7 years

Mohammad Amir: Out Caught, 5 years

Yasir Hameed: Not Out

Zulqarnain Haider: Timed Out, as he left the field

Yet to Bat & Third Umpire Review Pending: Will be revealed in 2011, 2012, 2013…

Opposition: British media

Team Manager: Mazhar Majeed

Brand New Umpire: ICC

This Version by Sunil Rajguru