Congress: Durga. SP: Khemka.
Congress: Durga. SP: No Food Bill.
Congress: Durga. SP: All IAS officers can leave UP.
SP: Sonia no PM. Congress: SP no Government.
SP: We’ll withdraw support. Congress: We’ll call CBI.
Congress: Secular. SP: Secular.
Congress: Rahul. SP: Akhilesh.
Congress: UPA3. SP: Third Front.
And as usual, India always loses.
© Sunil Rajguru
Dear citizens,
Aapka talktime khatam ho gaya hai.
Recharge ke liye aapke paas bilkul paise nahin hain.
Doosra provider aapko 2014 main hi mil sakta hai.
Aap hame kya kisi aur ko koi calls nahin kar sakte hai. SMS bhi nahin.
Tab tak aap hamare calls chup chaap lete rahaiye aur hamari bakwaas sunte rahaiye.
Yours Sincerely,
UPA2.
© Sunil Rajguru
Corruption, terrorism, inflation: Imaginary.
BJP, RSS, Social Media: Irrational.
The rights of the Dynasty: Natural.
Votebanks: Computable.
Congress involvement in riots, Emergency: Complex.
Loyal servants of the dynasty: Integers.
Everything that the Congress does: Real.
Allies: Algebraic.
Pappu: Hyperreal.
Modi: Zero.
© Sunil Rajguru
BJP Campaign: India Shining.
Congress Campaign: Poverty Shining.
Congress Campaign: Ho Raha Bharat Nirman.
BJP Campaign: Ho Raha Modi Nirman.
Nitish: Yaar this Modi is giving me a splitting headache!
Solution: Split from the BJP.
Result—Modi: Yaar mera headache suddenly chala gaya!
Sonia: This Andhra Pradesh Lok Sabha tally is giving me a splitting headache.
Solution: Split Andhra Pradesh.
Result—India: Bhai mera headache suddenly bad gaya!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
1. Emigrate.
2. Commit suicide.
3. Demand that the BJP be banned permanently to avoid any future false hopes.
4. Demand that Modi be exiled for the sake of future peace.
5. Declare democracy dead, call ourselves a monarchy and abolish General Elections.
6. Spend like crazy. Money will soon become worthless anyway. Enjoy your last days.
7. Call him Mahatma Pappu, the official Father of the Nation.
8. Start and watch only 24X7 Diggy Raja TV. Anything anyone else says is worthless anyway in this regime.
9. Put pictures of the dynasty in your house and worship them.
10. Do away with Bills, let everything be decided via Ordinance. Why waste time debating the inevitable?
© Sunil Rajguru
Q: How many poor mouths will the UPA feed from now on?
A: None. They will simply shift the poverty line again and declare “Zero” numbers of poor!
Q: How is the middle class doing?
A: Great. They get to eat a full hearty meal in Re 1. That means great savings for everything else.
Q: What about the upper classes?
A: Well since they are still in the upper classes, they are doing pretty well thank you. Why are you asking?
Q: What about the scams, terror threats and enemies like Pakistan and China?
A: Were you sleeping? I just answered the above questions showing that all three classes are doing well! Who’s left? Everyone is happy. If there’s still a further problem, we can declare everything “Zero loss”.
Q: So we have reached Utopia?
A: Yes, you could call it UPAtopia.
(Arthath, “UPA” ne sab ko “topi” pahanaya)
© Sunil Rajguru