Uncle: Beta, tum bade hokar Gandhi banoge ya Nehru?
Beta: Par main to already Anna ban chuka hu!
According to the World Population Census, the fastest growing country in the world in the month of August was Nation Anna.
The April agitation was a first step towards the August agitation, which is the first step towards drafting a strong Lokpal Bill, which will be the first step in the long and tough battle against corruption… (First step or Last hope?)
© Sunil Rajguru
Newton’s Third Law…
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Lokpal’s First Law…
Every Civil Society action has an equal and opposite Uncivil Government action.
If anything, Anna Hazare and Manmohan Singh must have become good penfriends by now.
What’s On? (August second half schedule)
AnnaTV, TVAnna, Anna Today, Anna Now, The Times of Anna, The Anna Times, The Anna Express, Anna News, Deccan Anna, The Anna, Live Anna…
Old saying…
There’s many a slip between the cup and the lip.
New saying…
There’s many a slip between the Lokpal Bill and Act.
Report card….
Quarter-finals: Lost, promoted on a technicality.
Semi-finals: Just won.
Finals: State of the Final Lokpal draft, result expected in 2012.
Now if India by any chance manages to win the finals, then that’s just a small first step in the battle against corruption…
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Annagiri: While largely seen as a peaceful and potent war on corruption by most, the Congress Dictionary defines it as a vile unconstitutional, undemocratic and heinous crime. The only reason no action can be taken is that the party does not have enough seats in Parliament to impose an Emergency.
Phenomannan: The inexplicable catharsis of a nation and outpouring of anti-corruption sentiments on a scale unheard of before.
Sibalism: A political system dealing with how to defeat your opponent with press conferences, lies, rhetoric, logic, bluster and brute force topped with loads of anger. Basically a defeatist concept.
Tiwarism: A more potent form Sibalism.
The Manmohanomical Theory: Basically states that Harry Potter is a fictional character. A magic wand is a fictional object. Therefore corruption cannot be eradicated in one’s lifetime. (Come to think of it, even Harry Potter didn’t have a powerful anti-corruption spell, or was it Avada KorruptaNada?)
The Opposition: Basically like Harry Potter was a fictional character in 2011 till Anna Hazare stepped in to fill the vacuum.
Soniagiri: Absence makes the heart go fonder for the common Congress voter.
Rahulgiri: A milder version of Soniagiri.
Hazarian Simplicity: A more stronger form of Gandhian simplicity. For the Mahatama had a family and Anna doesn’t. The Mahatma had a sprawling ashram and Anna sleeps in a temple.
Attack of the Clones: Thousands of agitators wearing “Main bhi Anna” topis, enough to give any evil empire sleepless nights.
War on Corruption: Launched in India in 2011. Has been likened to George Bush’s War on Terrorism: If you are not with us, then you are against us.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Yesterday: Bharat main bhrasht log masti se khana kha rahe hain, aur kitne log bhookhe hai!
Today: Tihar Jail main Kalmadi-Raja kha rahe hai, aur Anna sahab bhookhe hai.
Overheard…
One Congress party worker to another: What to do, there is total Annarchy in the land and all our political leaders have failed in their political Annalysis!
Theater of the Absurd…
To express solidarity with their party, the Congress Canteen has banned mosaranna (curd rice); the Congress Library has banned Anna Karenina and the Congress Cashiers have banned aathanna (50 paise) coins!
The sequels…
Sonia Gandhi is projected as Indira Gandhi II.
Rahul Gandhi will be projected as Rajiv Gandhi II.
Some people were trying to project Anna Hazare as Jayaprakash Narayan II, but the Congress have turned him into Mahatma Gandhi II.
The UPA is heading towards Emergency II.
Right now the toughest question of 2011 is: Who will get the Worst Congress Spokesperson of the Year Award?
At this rate, the State will have to impose Section 144 in the whole country.
Government to Anna: Listen to us or go back to your land of birth and agitate there!
Me to Government: By that logic: I was born next to Race Course Road in New Delhi, so can I go and agitate there?
© Sunil Rajguru
Ever since Anna Hazare has threatened to do an anshan (fast, more accurately “hunger strike”) things have changed so much that a brand new “Fast” terminology is required…
Fast: The first step towards committing suicide. And since the State loves you so much and doesn’t want you to die, you will be dumped in jail with other people who have much lesser crimes like swindling the nation of Rs 1.76 lakh crore.
Fast Food: Doesn’t exist, since when Anna does a fast, he really doesn’t eat.
Fastophobia: The State’s irrational fear of fasts by which it behaves in a strange manner as seen by the weird statements coming out of the mouths of spokespersons who apparently have very little Oxygen in their brains brought about by fasting for long periods, since they get no time to eat due to all the non-stop press conferences to counter fast politics.
Fastspeak: An Orwellian form of doublespeak recently mastered by a party which remembers the Emergency era with acute fondness.
Fast Reactions: Silly reactions made in haste to counter the fast-changing situation brought about by fastophobia, as above.
Fast Politics: Politics brought about by one old man’s fast and millions of people protesting through the streets or fast changing statuses on social networking sites. In essence it means any government’s inability to deal with a fast moving situation.
Anna: The word for food in India. Now if Anna refuses to eat anna, the very concept is confusing enough to make the State’s head spin.
© Sunil Rajguru
Scene 1: Somewhere in fascist India.
Anna: Hum yahan ek Tahrir Square type revolution layenge!
Sarkar: Pahale hum aapko squarely Tihar Jail main daalenge. Wahan chakki peeste (revolution karte) rahana!
Scene 2: Tihar Jail.
Anna: Aap yahan kis liye aaye hai?
Kalmadi: Corruption. Aur aap?
Anna: Anti-corruption.
Epilogue.
The Congress now believe in the Chinese higher philosophy of “Unity of Opposites”.
Tihar Jail will now have two wings. One will be called the Corruption Cell. The other will be called the Anti-corruption Cell.
Post Script.
So we finally get our own Tahrir Square, though it looks as big as India right now!
© Sunil Rajguru