AG OG Lo-G 2G!

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Please sing to the tune of My Name is Lakhan…

Rum pum pum rum pum pum rumpa pupam pum pum…
AG OG Lo-G 2G!
Main hu Raja of 2G,
Karta hu main jo wo tum bhi karo ji,
1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1,
My name is dhakkan, my name is dhakkan,
Spectrumo ka sajan,
Mera naam hai dhakkan.

Spectrum chakori, paisa hai license,
Suli pe latka hain har ek operator,
Sabke gale main.. Sabke gale main… Maya ka mala,
Seekho o yaaron inse ye dhanda, inse yeh dhanda.

Do saal seedhe bas delay kar ke, har spectrum becho jyaada bol ke,
Har spectrum becho jyaada bol ke,
Main apni khaali jebe bharu ji,
Karta hu main jo wo tum bhi karo ji,
1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1,
1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1,
My name is dhakkan, my name is dhakkan,
Spectrumo ka sajan,
Mera naam hai dhakkan.

Main kuchh na jaanu is-se jiyada,
Ye mera ministry, main iska dada,
Politics nahi itna seedha sadha,
Kaise karu kisi se bhi koi vaada?
Vaade hain jhuthe, paise sachhe ho tum,
Jaise bhi ho bade achhe ho tum,
Bade achhe ho tum…

Kehna coalition partners ka tum maan lo,
Achha bura hain tum kya jaano?
Tum kya jaano?
Kehta hu main jo wo tum bhi suno ji,
Maine suna nahi phir se kaho ji,
Nahi Number 2 koi dono ho number ho,
Main hu dhakkano ka dhakkan,
Spectrumo ka sajan, jiyo dhakkan dhakkan,
jiyo dhakkan dhakkan…

Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: My Name is Lakhan
Film: Ram Lakhan
Year: 1989)

The final status message…

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Nowadays it’s become fashionable to log out of Facebook.
Some possible parting lines…

• How does one leave behind 1346 friends, 767 status messages, 143 likes, 2437 comments, 1887 causes and 234 quiz personality results? It is with a heavy heart that I consign all that to the dustbin of cyberspace. COL! (Crying Out Loud!)

• I am suffering from wristitis and fingeritis of the Facebook and have decided to quit on medical grounds.

• The day came when I just couldn’t write a Status Message anymore and I knew that it was time to go.

• This social networking ID has just checked out of the Facebook neighbourhood.

• Those all-day virtual Facebook parties have taken a toll on me. I quit.

• I would like to thank you for all the friend requests, comments, likes, support encouragement and requests for groups, activities, causes, events etc, but it is time for me to move on into the real world. I wish all my Friends the very best in Facebook.

• Facebook hai hai, anti-privacy hai hai!

• Jab tak suraj chand rahega, Facebook tu to nahin rahega…

• Fire, water and Facebook are good servants, but bad masters. I thought that I could master Facebook, but it has mastered me so I want out.

• I have found that it is next to impossible to delete my Facebook account, so I am changing the password and forgetting it. I don’t care if this account gets hacked.

• One day I noticed that my wife and kids weren’t there. Then the neighbours informed me that they had left for good 3 months back. Facebook you thief! I knew that I had to leave you then!

• So long, thanks for all the Likes!

• Oh God! I am still scarred from that virtual invasion of privacy. I need out.
(I almost felt like a celebrity.)

• It was like being a virtual fish in a virtual fishbowl while it lasted.

• For two years all of you virtually heard me out, gave me support in the form of likes, comments, causes and quizzes while we shared all the little little facets of each others lives. I will never ever forget you, but I have to leave you.

• Put a video link of the final scene of Terminator 2, where Arnold Schwarzenegger’s screen goes blank.

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 17

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• You should get away from all Real and Virtual Humans from time to time to maintain your sanity.

• Cricket is a matter of life and death in India. So it’s really surprising how many times we fans have totally died and still continue to live peacefully and with hope.

• Elsewhere in the world, sport is religion. For Indian politicians, religion is a mere sport. Elsewhere in the world, work is religion. For Indian politicians, religion is work and a great and lucrative means of livelihood.

• It’s not the politician’s fault. His consumers are foolish voters and he is merely servicing them.

• It’s surprising how when faced with “Quit or Tweet” how many choose both.

© Sunil Rajguru

Some twisted and contemporary rhymes…

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Rain rain don’t go away,
and still come again another day,
keep at it if you may,
I never believed in making hay…

Baar Baar Khelo,
Hazaar Baar Khelo,
Ki Khelne Ki Cheez Hai,
Indo-Lanka match,
What Ho?
(India, Lanka are almost a couple in cricket now)

Dum dum digga digga,
sab kuch digga digga,
road repair digga digga,
phone cables digga digga,
storm water drains digga digga,
Metro Rail digga digga,
main to gira,
main to gira hai….
(Almost fell into a digging zone today. Ye furious digging kab tak chalega???)

Kadam kadam badaye ja,
Chappal aur joote barsae ja,
Politicians ki band bajaye ja,
Ye corrupt hain politicians sab,
Tu politicians pe joote barsae ja…

Tu mera,
tu mera,
tu mera,
tu mera…
tu mera
Hero H1N1

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Those responsible for the current debacle of Indian cricket…

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• The BCCI: For only being interested in money, being distracted by the IPL fiasco and not giving the team enough time to prepare for the T20 World Cup.

• The Selection Committee: For selecting the wrong team and going by past reputations only.

• The Coach: For not setting the correct WC strategy and not pushing hard enough.

• The Captain: For his on-field decisions.

• The Trainer and Physio: For not succeeding in keeping a fit team.

• The Players Themselves: For not being fit, not fielding properly and not being 100% committed.

• The IPL: For introducing fatigue.

• Australia, Lanka and Windies: For playing better cricket than India and beating them.

• The West Indies Board: For not making flat pitches.

• Fortune: For not shining on India.

• The Media: For going after the players, distracting them, not giving them support and demoralizing them.

• The Fans: For having unrealistic expectations in the first place.

Itna sab galat hain!
And you actually thought that India was going to win the World Cup?

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 16

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• Privatization: The conversion of public assets to private ownership. Sometimes leads to controversy.
Publicization: The conversion of an Indian politician’s private thoughts and words to the public domain via media like Twitter, TV channels and spy cams. It is a hot trend in India and always leads to controversy.

• People talk of total Internet penetration and total computer penetration. Ha! The light bulb was invented about 200 years ago and we don’t even have total light bulb penetration in India, thanks to lack of electrification.

• The man who said impossible is a word in a fool’s dictionary could not even conquer the small island next door.

• What happened to all the Scorpios of the world when Pluto was downgraded of its planetary status? (Pluto is the modern ruler of Scorpio)

• God has made someone for everyone. But if he by mistake repeats the process once or more, is that the reason for divorce?

• If a Murderer gets a Life Sentence, then does a Husband get a Wife Sentence?

© Sunil Rajguru