Thak Thak Chutkule 5

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Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Mamata.
Mamata kaun.
Ma’m Tata bolegi government ko agar aise hi petrol ke daam badte rahenge!

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Advani.
Advani kaun?
Adva-nahin, nahin, nahin! Ye Rashtra Swayam bol raha hain Sangh ko…

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Shiv.
Shiv kaun.
Shivnarine Chanderpaul hu main aur bharatiya nahin, par bharatiya cricket na nemesis hu.

Thak Thak.
Kaun hai bhaaya?
Berlusconi.
Berlusconi kaun?
Berlus-kaun-nahin bolo, maine life main sabki bajayi hai!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 10

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Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
R.
R who?
R Ashwin here. Bhajji, open the door and let me in. I want to take your place!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
P.
P who?
P Chidambaram here. Raja, don’t open the door. I don’t want to join you?

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
BSY.
BSY who?
BSY the free man that’s who? Get ready Sadanand, I’m still looking at your chair!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Khan.
Khan who?
Khant break the domestic box office records of the other Khans. Damn!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Intercepted: Global nuclear correspondence

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Dear Arab World,
We shall soon have a nuke to even out matters in this region.
Regards,
Iran

Dear America,
You have thousands of nukes (everyone knows that!) and we have hundreds (an open secret), but if Iran gets hold of even one nuke, then that will destabilize the whole region and ultimately the whole world. We are looking at nuclear Armageddon!
Regards,
Israel

Dear Israel,
You are right! We can’t have that, now can we, especially considering the fact that our President won the Nobel Prize for Peace!
Regards,
America
P.S. Did you check out our cool new slogan: Drone Deaths Bring Peace, Give Peace a Chance!

Dear Iran,
Don’t listen to the world. We have dozens of nukes thanks to which we have self-pride, independence, stability, security and the whole world (including that damn “India”) fears us! Just go for it!
Regards,
Pakistan
P.S. Don’t worry about the rumours that the US will seize our nukes. There’s absolutely no chance of that. All our nukes are hidden so safely that even we are not sure about all of them.

Dear World,
We also have nukes, but I don’t think that really has made any difference to anyone whatsoever.
Regards through a joint declaration,
France, England, India

Dear World,
We have nukes, but we later realized that Capitalism trumps Communism any day. We are screwing America financially. The banknote is mightier than the nuke!
Regards,
China

Dear World,
Who are all you blokes? I don’t know who you are. I don’t recognize even one amongst seven billion of you.
Regards,
God.

© Sunil Rajguru

How to organize a TV debate in India…

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Step 1: Take one obnoxious self-centred anchor who talks more than he or she listens and loves pissing everyone off.

Step 2: If it’s a political debate, then take two politicians from opposite parties and two journalists affiliated to the very same parties for variety. Don’t forget to keep out sane, neutral and erudite voices. For non-political debates make sure you use the Usual Suspects. All TV channels tap exactly the same Speaker Talent Pool.

Step 3: In the ticker below, display yesterday’s Twitter messages of the same ole 5-6 accounts that you are aware of. Repeat this collection a few dozen times.

Step 4: Stick to the golden principle of: He who shouts the most speaks the longest.

Step 5: Never forget that the anchor has more powers than a football referee. He or she can cut anyone in mid-sentence as many times as he or she wants and take the discussion to any ridiculous level that he or she pleases.

Step 6: Let the shouting continue till the dying seconds of the programme and cut it abruptly giving the impression that this debate had so much substance that it could easily have lasted a few more meaningful hours.

© Sunil Rajguru

Faaltu differences…

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…between MMS (Multimedia Messaging Service) and MMS (Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India)

∙ Mobile MMS allows for unlimited exchange of messages between two parties.
Political MMS allows for absolutely no exchange of messages, with one party always being on mute or silent mode.

∙ In the Mobile MMS scandal, the MMS was directly responsible for the scandal that affected the many lives around it and cost only a few Rupees.
In the Political MMS scams, MMS was not directly responsible for the same which involved the whole nation and cost thousands of crores of Rupees.

∙ Mobile MMS is barely 10 years old and has a bright future.
Political MMS is 79 years old with an uncertain future.

∙ Political MMS is based in India and does occasional global roaming.
Mobile MMS is based everywhere in the globe and is also on roaming.

∙ Political MMS liberalized India.
Mobile MMS liberalized the world.

∙ Political MMS is an economic wizard.
Mobile MMS is a technical wizard.

∙ LK Advani hates Political MMS.
LK Advani is too old to love or hate Mobile MMS.

∙ Political MMS can use Mobile MMS.
Mobile MMS can include content related to Political MMS.

∙ Political MMS rules India.
Mobile MMS rules large sections of the youth in the world.

© Sunil Rajguru

Contemporary Knock Knock Jokes 9

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Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Euro.
Euro who?
You wrong all of you economists, this common currency is not at all working.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Oil
Oil who?
I’ll give the full tank a miss this time thank you. Can’t afford it with all these damn hikes!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
An’ now you find yourself on the same boat as the government, with dissension, controversies, charges and media scrutiny!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Mahashatak.
Mahashatak who?
Mahashatak where and how? More importantly “when” is the biggest question!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru