Aman ki Asha musings…

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Defence Minister: Some people dressed in Pakistani army soldiers’ uniform did it.
Citizen: Someone in the Prime Minister’s dress is ruling the country.

Foreign policies…
Theodore Roosevelt: Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Manmohan Singh: Throw away the stick and shut the hell up.

Jitna zor ye sab log Modi ko attack karne pe laga rahe hai, uska aadha energy bhi China-Pak ko counter karane main lagaate to hamari Foreign Policy effective hoti.

Forget Food Security.
What are you doing for Jawan-Kisan Security?

Q: Since the public opinion is against talks with Pakistan, don’t you…
Congress: Public opinion? Woh kya hota hai?

Pakistan’s actions are unacceptable!
(Arre babu! Accept karke unacceptable bolne se kya fayada hai bhala?)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress does it in its own way…

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Statement: We believe in women empowerment.
Proof: Sonia is the most powerful person in India. She’s a woman.

Statement: We believe in reducing poverty.
Proof: We were out of power from 1996-2004 and a lot of Congressmen had become poor. But that has been rectified during our 2004-2013 reign.

Statement: We believe in freedom of speech.
Proof: The Congressmen say absolutely anything they want to no matter how offensive while Congress abusers on social networking never have Section 66A slapped against them.

Statement: We believe in cordial foreign relations.
Proof: The Pakistanis and Chinese are beating the crap out of us but we still believe in being friendly with them.

Statement: We have taken a tough stand against terrorism.
Proof: The country’s biggest threat Indian Mujahideen doesn’t even exist!

Statement: We will destroy our enemies.
Proof: If you mean Congress’ enemies and not India’s then a definite yes.

© Sunil Rajguru

The poverty of Pappu…

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Pappu says poverty is a state of mind.
Let’s kick the Congress out in 2014.
Then tell him: You are PM! Power is just a state of mind!

Pappu: Poverty is just a state of mind.
Comment: Strange statement coming from a person who has little understanding of both “poverty” and “mind”.
Diggy Raja: In his mind, Pappu is demanding a separate state for poverty.

What if Pappu became a stand-up comedian?
Wait a minute… he already is!
Now all his speeches make perfect sense!

What he actually said…
Poverty is a state (that is here to stay and I’m out of my) of mind.

You should celebrate Friendship/Women’s/Children’s Day 365 days a year.
Like Pappu celebrates April 1 365 days a year.

Rich man: Aaj mere paas building-e hai, property hai, bank balance hai, bangla hai, gaadi hai, kya hai tumhare paas?
Poor man: Errr… errr…
Pappu: State of mind… state of mind…
Poor man: Par mere paas to kuch bhi bahin hai. Khaana bhi nahin hai babu!
Pappu: Confidence… confidence… confidence!!!

P.S.
Dear Congress,
Jab Jab is desh main paap badhega tab tab jokes, memes, doctored pictures, spoofs, cartoons, parodies aur satires badenge.
Learn to live with it!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ashes and DRS musings…

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DRS is a bit like the movie Inception.
Decisions within decisions.
Technologies within technologies.
You never can be sure of whether the batsman was ever really out or not.

DRS = Decision Review by Schrodinger.
Every decision is out and not out at the same time.

Every decision given by the DRS has a parallel and opposite decision in a parallel universe.

Australia was playing such good Test cricket after ages that the Rain God couldn’t believe it and came to watch.
‪#‎Ashes‬

Pahale Aussies ke dreams ashes ban gaye.
Phir us pe paani pad gaya.
‪#‎Ashes‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood style musings…

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Imagine all the Bollywood movies you’ve watched in your life.
Now imagine none of the heroes exist, but all the villains do.
Welcome to India!

Since it’s called Krrish 3, the original Krrish becomes the first movie to be retrospectively called its own sequel while Koi… Mil Gaya becomes Krrish 1 even though no Krissh exists in the entire movie.
Confused?
So am I!

One in ten people in the world have probably seen a Bollywood shoot by now.

Looking at politics, films and business in India, anyone can be a politician, Bollywood star or industrialist.
You just have to be born in the right family.

Chennai Express hasn’t even been released and already there are so many memes, spoofs, jokes and comments blasting it!
‪#‎SRK‬

Today any Bollywood superstar could pretend to make a movie, con the industry into buying rights etc and flee the country with Rs 200 crores in his pocket just like that.
‪#‎BlockbusterEvenBeforeRelease‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

We don’t need no IAS officers…

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(While the whole nation is behind suspended and chargesheeted IAS officer Durga Shakti Nagpal, the SP government has gone ahead and said that they don’t need IAS officers in the first place)

Please sing to the tune of Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd…

We don’t need no IAS officers,
We don’t need no Central control,
No dark sarcasm in the newsroom,
Communals leave them seculars alone,
Hey communals leave them seculars alone,
All in all the citizen is just another brick in the wall,
All in all the citizen is just another brick in the wall.

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Another Brick in the Wall 2
Group: Pink Floyd.
Year: 1979)