Mishaps since 2013—Naval chief resigns.
Mishap Defence Minister since 2006—Chalta Hai.
Biggest mishap Prime Minister since 1947—#TheekHai.
India is stuck with an idiot in Defence Minister’s uniform and a puppet in Prime Minister’s uniform.
1971: Just one Indian Navy ship lost in war.
2014: Indian Government’s indifference, incompetence and inertia may wreak greater havoc.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Salman Rushdie: Shabdo ka baadshah.
Salman Khan: Bollywood ka baadshah.
Salman Khurshid: Gaaliyon ka baadshah.
For buying sports teams: Arabpati.
For buying horses and IPL players: Crorepati.
For paying salaries of thousands: Lakhpati.
#VijayMallya
(February 28 )
Jai(l) Sahara!
I think it’s just a matter of time before Kejriwal’s allegations start featuring aliens, Netaji, the CIA, the Illuminati and the Freemasons.
(February 27)
The Indian Cricket Equation…
Chase + Kohli = Century + Victory.
#IndVsBangla #AsiaCup
Pappu shouldn’t worry about India being a Superpower or a Woman Nation.
Under him India can be neither.
(February 26)
Kejriwal: Media is paid because they have been attacking me for 12 days!!!
Modi: Then what do you call a 12-year-attack???
(February 25)
2002…
Paswan: Modi Gujarat ke Mukhya Mantri nahi raha sakte kyunki…
2014…
…unhe Bharat ka Pradhan Mantri hona chahiye!
(February 24)
Singh is still King.
King of Scams.
King of Misgovernance.
King of the Spineless.
King of Disorder.
King of Silence.
King of Destruction.
King of…
Every year the IPL should be held in a different foreign country just before our Test series there.
Nitish: Sasura career hang ho gaya hai.
Savvy technical advisor: Ctr-Alt-Del.
Nitish: Eh?
Advisor: Restart karo.
Nitish: Bihar computer ko ek din ke liye shut down karo.
#Bandh
(February 22)
Then…
Hyderabadi Biryani created under Aurangazeb’s reign.
Now…
Telangani-Andhra Khichidi created under Sonia’s reign.
Only in cyberspace can a company with an annual revenue of $8 billion spend $19 billion to buy a company that has an annual revenue way below $1 billion.
#Facebook #WhatsApp
To convicts…
Seek moments of parole within your prison sentences.
To Sanjay Dutt’s jailor…
Seek moments of prison sentences within his paroles.
(February 20)
Jiska aap majaak udaaoge, ant main wahi raj karega.
#Ishant #RohitSharma #SirJadeja #IndVsNZ
(#Pappu???)
(February 14)
Bal Thackeray was a tall leader.
Raj Thackeray is a toll leader.
(February 13)
When Sanjay Dutt got a 5-year prison term, he should have got a simultaneous 5-year parole.
That would have saved paperwork, endless media coverage, debates and speculation.
Actually, there are only two options left for 2014…
a) Modi-led NDA2.
b) Third Front backed by Congress.
If you don’t like both, then there’s no hope for your vote.
(February 9)
Media speak…
With Modi/BJP, “hearsay” is conviction.
With Congress allegations: We “hear” you and will “say” what you want.
(February 7)
Koffee with Karan.
Chai with NaMo.
Daru on TV with Vinod Mehta.
Poison Pepsi with Amitabh.
Old Monk with Rajdeep.
Chai pani with every bribe-asking official.
(February 6)
Amartya Sen wrote The Argumentative Indian.
Indian news channels turned that concept into a daily soap opera.
#TVDebates
(February 4)
JK Rowling’s latest book…
Hermione Potter and the Chamber of Regrets.
Harry Potter 8.
Hermione splits with Ron and hooks up with Harry.
Ron turns into a dark wizard and takes revenge on them.
Title…
Ronald Weasley Becomes a Deathly Fellow.
(February 3)
Soniaspeak…
1. Power is poison.
2. Modi sowing seeds of poison.
Corollaries…
1. Modi is sowing seeds of power.
2. Those seeds will become plants soon.
(February 2)
Many hated the Congress.
Some of those hated the alternative BJP.
Now many of the above hate all three: Congress, BJP & AAP.
(February 1)
© Sunil Rajguru
Shinde: I will crush electronic media!
<Backlash!!!>
Shinde: Now what!
Advisor: Sir, email = electronic mail.
Shinde: Genius! I meant social media!
What Shinde actually wanted to say…
I want to crush media (all of it)!
I want to crush Modi!
I want to crush RSS/BJP!
But I know we will be crushed in 2014!
Shinde: I will crush you!
Kejriwal: Total paid media!
I&B Ministry: We will unplug you!
Sonia: I am unhappy!
Modi: Hehehe, aap ko ye inaam mila inse mujhe barso tak attack karne ke liye?
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
If service tax is to be charged from Modi’s rallies, then entertainment tax has to be charged for all of AAP’s activities.
Arvind Kejriwal gives 100% to most of his allegations.
0% new proof + 100% noise.
Delhi is brash, arrogant, rude and angry.
AAP is brash, arrogant, rude and angry.
Pyaar to hona hi tha!
Salman watching Kejriwal on TV saying…
My Jai Ho hero couldn’t give such great entertainment fighting corruption!
No wonder it wasn’t a big hit!
Main: Hero!
Ambani: Villain!
Congress-BJP: Sidekicks!
Delhi: Bollywood!
Parting shot…
Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
—Arvind Kejriwal.
Kejriwal says that Congress and BJP are the same.
AAP is different.
I agree.
At least Congress and BJP can rule a country.
AAP can’t even rule a city.
PM possibility: Modi.
Leader of Opposition possibility: Pappu.
Third Front outside chance PMs: Jaya and Mamata.
Not even in the picture: Kejriwal.
Historic highs of Lok Sabha seats…
Congress: 416.
BJP: 182.
AAP: 0.
Yet all three are equal for the mainstream media.
2009…
Kya aapne Congress ko vote diya?
2014…
Kya AAPne Congress ko vote diya?
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Har haath shakti, har haath tarakki.
=Har dynasty member ko shakti, har dynasty member ki tarakki.
Tode nahin, jode.
=Non-dynast nahin, bhale hi aap apna sar phode.
Kattar soch nahin, yuva josh.
=Democratic soch nahin, dynastic josh.
Hum hain naye, andaaz kyoon ho puraana
=Desh hain naya, dynasty wahi ghisa pita puraana.
Main nahin, Hum.
=Congress nahin, dynasty.
Ekta hi desh ki shakti,
Ekta his desh hi pragati.
=Dynasty hi desh ki shakti,
Dynasty his desh hi pragati.
Stability and integrity.
The roots of progress.
=Dynasty and dynasty.
The roots of progress.
Chuniye use jo aapke liye vikas chunta hai.
=Chuniye use jo aapke liye dynasty chunta hai.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Pepper spray in Parliament condemned.
(But criminals in Parliament are fine)
Anarchy in Parliament condemned.
(But anarchy in Andhra Pradesh is fine)
Knife in Parliament condemned.
(But political backstabbing is fine)
Political Kajrare…
Aisi nazar se dekha zalim MP ne Lok Sabha ke chowk par,
Humne Telangana Bill rakh diya chaku ki nok par.
Chorus: Wah wah, kamal ho gaya, woh session fail ho gaya.
Advice to women: Use pepper spray went confronted by shady characters.
News item: MP uses pepper spray in Lok Sabha.
Before…
We will create a new State out of Andhra Pradesh.
After…
We created a new State called Anarchy Pradesh.
Congress MP pepperspraying to protest Congress Speaker tabling a Bill amidst a mess created by the Congress party = Congress (not Parliament/India) shamed.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru