February 2014 Status Updates

Salman Rushdie: Shabdo ka baadshah.
Salman Khan: Bollywood ka baadshah.
Salman Khurshid: Gaaliyon ka baadshah.

For buying sports teams: Arabpati.
For buying horses and IPL players: Crorepati.
For paying salaries of thousands: Lakhpati.

(February 28 )

Jai(l) Sahara!

I think it’s just a matter of time before Kejriwal’s allegations start featuring aliens, Netaji, the CIA, the Illuminati and the Freemasons.

(February 27)

The Indian Cricket Equation…
Chase + Kohli = Century + Victory.
#IndVsBangla #AsiaCup

Pappu shouldn’t worry about India being a Superpower or a Woman Nation.
Under him India can be neither.

(February 26)

Kejriwal: Media is paid because they have been attacking me for 12 days!!!
Modi: Then what do you call a 12-year-attack???

(February 25)

Paswan: Modi Gujarat ke Mukhya Mantri nahi raha sakte kyunki…
…unhe Bharat ka Pradhan Mantri hona chahiye!

(February 24)

Singh is still King.
King of Scams.
King of Misgovernance.
King of the Spineless.
King of Disorder.
King of Silence.
King of Destruction.
King of…

Every year the IPL should be held in a different foreign country just before our Test series there.

Nitish: Sasura career hang ho gaya hai.
Savvy technical advisor: Ctr-Alt-Del.
Nitish: Eh?
Advisor: Restart karo.
Nitish: Bihar computer ko ek din ke liye shut down karo.

(February 22)

Hyderabadi Biryani created under Aurangazeb’s reign.
Telangani-Andhra Khichidi created under Sonia’s reign.

Only in cyberspace can a company with an annual revenue of $8 billion spend $19 billion to buy a company that has an annual revenue way below $1 billion.
#Facebook #WhatsApp

To convicts…
Seek moments of parole within your prison sentences.
To Sanjay Dutt’s jailor…
Seek moments of prison sentences within his paroles.

(February 20)

Jiska aap majaak udaaoge, ant main wahi raj karega.
#Ishant #RohitSharma #SirJadeja #IndVsNZ

(February 14)

Bal Thackeray was a tall leader.
Raj Thackeray is a toll leader.

(February 13)

When Sanjay Dutt got a 5-year prison term, he should have got a simultaneous 5-year parole.
That would have saved paperwork, endless media coverage, debates and speculation.

Actually, there are only two options left for 2014…
a) Modi-led NDA2.
b) Third Front backed by Congress.
If you don’t like both, then there’s no hope for your vote.

(February 9)

Media speak…
With Modi/BJP, “hearsay” is conviction.
With Congress allegations: We “hear” you and will “say” what you want.

(February 7)

Koffee with Karan.
Chai with NaMo.
Daru on TV with Vinod Mehta.
Poison Pepsi with Amitabh.
Old Monk with Rajdeep.
Chai pani with every bribe-asking official.

(February 6)

Amartya Sen wrote The Argumentative Indian.
Indian news channels turned that concept into a daily soap opera.

(February 4)

JK Rowling’s latest book…
Hermione Potter and the Chamber of Regrets.

Harry Potter 8.
Hermione splits with Ron and hooks up with Harry.
Ron turns into a dark wizard and takes revenge on them.
Ronald Weasley Becomes a Deathly Fellow.

(February 3)

1. Power is poison.
2. Modi sowing seeds of poison.
1. Modi is sowing seeds of power.
2. Those seeds will become plants soon.

(February 2)

Many hated the Congress.
Some of those hated the alternative BJP.
Now many of the above hate all three: Congress, BJP & AAP.

(February 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

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