You know what, I was thinking…
I don’t care!
The breakfast I had was…
F*** off!
Wanna see my photo album?
I don’t have time for such things!
Will you play a game with me?
Are you nuts?
Will you take my quiz?
You’re so idle!
Let’s support a cause…
Too busy!
Farming would be a nice part-time hobby.
Keep dreaming!
…and then God created Facebook and Twitter!
This version by Sunil Rajguru
The world’s No. 1 paper has a circulation of 3 million plus.
That’s 3 million Unique Visitors a day!
That makes it 90 million Unique Visitors a month!
Every newspaper is read by four people.
We could call that 360 million total Visitors a month!
Now every Visitor flicks through almost the whole paper and therefore sees at least 20 Pages.
That’s 7.2 billion Page Views!
(Now isn’t that the more than the population of the world?
Note: Take Web Statistics with a pinch of salt.)
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Cut&Paste= Plagiarism.
Cut&Paste&Escape = The norm.
Cut&PasteX1000 = Research.
Cut&PasteX1 billion times a day = The Internet.
Cut&Paste&Rewrite = Smart journalism.
Latest entrants to the Cut&Paste club…
Retweet without credit.
Repost status message without credit.
Cut&Paste is definitely the foundation of modern writing…
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Show a man your status message and amuse him for a minute.
Teach him how to update his own status message and screw him for life.
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a status message. The other is as though everything is a status message.
Friends, followers and connections, lend me your likes.
I came, I surfed, I liked.
Speech is silver, silence means you’re nothing but a lurker.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become status messages.
Brevity is the soul of wit and long status messages point to the soul of a twit.
Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just like my status messages and be my friend.
A friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes your status messages.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy writing stupid status messages.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Offline: I wish for just one true friend!
Facebook: I wish for just 1000 Friends!
Offline: I wish someone would like me for once.
Facebook: I wish I could collect at least 10 likes per day.
Offline: Wow! Half-a-dozen people wished me on my birthday today!
Facebook: What? Only 30 Friends posted on my wall?
Offline: You scratch my back and I scratch yours.
Facebook: You Like my status and I Like yours!
Offline: I’m sad means I’m sad.
Facebook: I’m sad leads to 12 likes, 26 comments and loads of ego massaging.
Offline: I had butter toast for breakfast. (Ain’t I the only person who’s supposed to know that?)
Facebook: I had butter toast for breakfast. (There you go 1256 friends and maybe tens of thousands more if my privacy settings are lax!)
Offline: What’s on my mind? Hell even I don’t know!
Facebook: What’s on my mind? Here take a few 100 status messages!
Offline: It’s better to keep quiet than to open’s one mouth and look like a fool.
Facebook: Keep quiet? Then why the hell am I on Facebook in the first place? I’d rather look like a fool many times over.
Offline: Insomnia means hours of staring at the ceiling.
Facebook: Insomnia means hours of staring at the Wall.
Offline: Stalkers are rare and scary.
Facebook: We are all stalkers!
Offline: Plagiarism is bad.
Facebook: Plagiarism is par for the course!
Offline: Sorry I don’t have any time to fill out that questionnaire form.
Facebook: But I have time to fill hundreds of forms related to all those mundane quizzes.
Offline: My boasting puts people off.
Facebook: What fun virtual boasting is!
Offline: I love my parents!
Facebook: My parents better not exist on this social networking site!
Offline: I hate clicking photographs.
Facebook: I don’t think I’m putting up enough photographs.
Offline: I don’t have green fingers, my solitary potted plant died.
Facebook: Thanks to Farmville, I’m a green finger tycoon!
Offline: I always put my best foot forward.
Facebook: I always put my best mugshot forward.
Offline: I’m so full of hate.
Facebook: There is not Hate, but only Like.
Offline: Boori nazar wale tera muh kaala!
Facebook: Jitna jyaada nazar is taraf aaye, utna accha!
Offline: I couldn’t give a damn about anything in life!
Facebook: The number of causes I support is simply not funny!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Dear Manmohan… idea for your first Tweet… 140 Zeroes… since you are a zero loss government…
∙ The PM has just completed a Thousand Tweets.
The only reason Twitter or anyone else hasn’t noticed is because all those Tweets were of Zero characters each, complying fully with his offline image.
∙ Why hasn’t Manmohan Singh Tweeted anything yet?
Because he was told that Twitter allows only 140 characters.
He’s making that list right now…
Character 1: Sonia, Character 2: Rahul, Character 3…
∙ Why is Manmohan Singh’s Twitter account like James Bond? Because it also has a 00 (double zero) in front of it: 0 (Tweets) 0 (Following).
© Sunil Rajguru